Once upon a time, when I started consulting, I asked clients who dreamed of a “real relationship”: - What does “real” mean? For a partner to satisfy her needs? Or does she want to be needed? So, gradually we came to the true need. Later I myself began to think: WHAT are relationships needed for? And when do they become “real”, “mature”? I came to the conclusion that I was ready to call a relationship “mature” for the sake of a relationship. For example, two people got together to resolve a financial issue. But as soon as everything gets better with finances (or doesn’t), the relationship becomes unnecessary. Also, at some point, there is no need for relationships that were created “for the sake of the children” (children grow up...). And even relationships “so as not to be alone” lose relevance - a person either ceases to be afraid of loneliness, or realizes that in a couple it doesn’t disappear anywhere. So I came to the conclusion that I’m ready to call a relationship mature where both partners agree within themselves and have agreed with each other to be together. Financial issues are being resolved - Excellent! New development opportunities. Children have grown up - another degree of freedom! And so on. Then difficulties in a couple cease to be a reason for a breakup. Now I think that this is not a “mature phase”. Mature relationships are only possible between two mature people. Each of them has not only learned to satisfy their own needs, but is also ready to accept something from the other. And be able to refuse when you are not ready. And I learned to give. And also calmly accept refusal. And both learned to live in dialogue. And alone with yourself at the same time. When is this possible? According to my feelings, when all the issues of being loved and disliked are resolved within oneself. Then I stop asserting myself through my partner. I am pleased by his manifestations of love, and, at the same time, I myself know with all my gut that I am loved. Loved by the world, by her parents, by her partner, by her friends. When I stop seeing my partner (and he, accordingly, me) as a source of professional or other growth. And so on...Each of us becomes a self-sufficient person. And the first question that the group members heard, sharing their theory: - So WHY THEN have a relationship?! The answer arose, as if through me: - Just like that. For fun))How to get a cat. To BE. To look at his touching face. Smile at his purr. Clean his toilet meditatively. Simply because I like living with a cat. And this is fundamentally different from “there was no sadness - the woman bought a pig.” There is no sadness or problems in the story with the cat! Even when he peels off the new wallpaper and hangs on the curtains. All these probabilities are assumed initially. And they are simply a fact. This is what I recognize today as a “mature relationship.” Simply because “a cat is good and interesting from any angle" ))