"Whip your son Because he sneezes. He's probably teasing you, Deliberately annoying! Anyone beats your son's mother Because he sneezes. He could adore pepper, But he just doesn't want to! "L. Carroll Any mother loves her child. This sounds like an axiom, but it is also true that any mother experiences a variety of feelings for her child. Feeling love, tenderness, tenderness is easy and pleasant, but what about fear, helplessness and anger? I came across a lot of practical advice on how to act when irritation becomes very strong in order to avoid a breakdown: count to yourself, wear an elastic band on your hand and click yourself to her and so on. Psychoanalytic psychotherapy does not give advice, but suggests analyzing the situation. The screaming and crying of a child is a powerful stimulus for the mother, a strong projective process. This means that through his actions the child forces the mother to experience feelings, as if investing (it may feel like “shoves in”) her experiences. The mother experiences them internally and accepts them as her own, which can result in her feeling helpless, lonely, attacked and exhausted. She loses some of her adult functions and can feel, think and act in such a way that later, when she comes out of this state, she often has difficulty understanding how this could happen. The main process is a decrease in internal space. Thinking becomes more specific and primitive, such as “I’ll show you who’s boss,” “you won’t defeat me,” “I won’t let you behave like that.” The mother can react to her experiences in different ways. Here are some examples: Distance yourself. The mother becomes distant and a little lifeless, like an automaton who simply does what she must. Discharge the emotion with violence. When it is impossible to withstand anger and the mother gets rid of this feeling by throwing it out in a scream or hitting the child. Displace the anger. A mother may consciously or unconsciously become more irritable with her husband, loved ones, or simply with other people. A woman is sometimes forced to direct the feeling to another address and then defuse it. Sexualization of anger. This is an unconscious process when a mother becomes overly affectionate with her child, as if proving to herself and to him that she will not harm him, that she loves him. All these protective actions are inherent to one degree or another in every mother; yourself the question of boundaries. That is, how common are such defenses in everyday life, because they are all unconsciously transmitted to the child and signal to him that anger is a terrible, relationship-destroying feeling that cannot be dealt with. What helps? Sublimation of anger - compassion. It arises when we do not defend ourselves from pain, helplessness, panic, and do not rush to eliminate its source at any cost, but let it inside of us and let it live and speak. Why doesn’t this always happen and breakdowns, scandals and hysterics arise? Because sometimes her own misunderstood, lonely, offended child inside a woman screams so loudly that the voice of her real child cannot be heard behind it... Motherhood affects the most archaic, deepest parts of the female psyche. That is why psychoanalytic direction is often used to solve such problems..