The title reflects the most likely stages in the lives of people who have experienced sexual violence. Warning, there will be violent scenes. I wanted to find a more neutral word, but you can’t remove the words from a song, this is the translation. I want to share my experience working at the Toronto Rape Crisis Center. This was in 2006. At that time, I did not yet have a psychological education, it was enough to undergo training at the center (several months), read several books, pass a test - conduct several consultations in the presence of curators. We were taught to be very careful, sensitive, attentive. They warned if they say something strange, for example, ordering pizza - most likely this is a sign that help is needed, and the person on the other end of the line cannot talk openly. We were provided with all kinds of women's services, clinics where only women are accepted, women lawyers - all the services where you can call women to feel safe. I read a lot of different books then - from volumes of memoirs of Hollywood stars about the violence committed against them, to newspaper chronicles sexual assault in Toronto. I was very impressed by the story when about 300 cases of pedophilia were once discovered in the Irish quarter (in Canada). It all started with the fact that one woman was deprived of motherhood and her three children were sent to a foster family. A foster dad once went to the pool with two boys. There, while changing clothes, when he took off his underwear to change into swimming trunks, the boys attacked his genitals. The adoptive dad was shocked. He took the boys to a psychologist and contacted the police. And a large-scale investigation began with these children. The suspects were interviewed. They talked about sex with babies being commonplace. And this was done to them in childhood; it was natural for them. My hair stood on end from reading it. I’ll end the creepy stories from books for now. For some reason I was sure that in civilized countries they don’t rape. The stories on the phone amazed me. Both strangers and acquaintances, some soldered, some threatened; There were also persecutions by people in uniform, when women were afraid to submit applications. Some were tormented by memories, as their father had done to them for several years. The men's calls turned my mind upside down. It turned out that this happens to them too. This is what struck me then from psychological sources - according to American statistics, ninety percent - those raped as teenagers were subjected to incest. Incest does not necessarily involve penetration, they could touch, show genitals, there could be a so-called incestuous field, when one of the parents repressed their sexuality and the child played it out; an adult could get excited, but keep himself within the bounds of decency. Parents could talk about their sex lives to their children. In adult life, the scenario continues with domestic violence (abusive relationships). The fate is something like this: sexual exploitation in infancy, teenage rape, domestic violence in the family. Often this is not talked about in the family, and most likely the cycle of violence passes from generation to generation. To somehow to cope, people who have survived sexual violence choose different paths: either they change their orientation to homosexual, or engage in promiscuity, or vice versa, they become nuns, change cities, countries; become ardent feminists. The data, again from American and Canadian sources, unfortunately, I don’t remember the sources themselves. At that time I did not have deep psychological knowledge, I did not know how to share problems and ask for help from colleagues, since it was important to show that I could cope. The abundance of tragic stories overflowed my container of sympathy, and the horror and madness I lived together, I burned out after six months of practice. Today I can be helpful, careful, and loving in this topic. Come for a consultation, write in a personal message. We will learn to build boundaries, say “no”, look for options for compensation, give shame.