Today I invite you to talk about feelings of guilt. About something so burning, merciless, somewhere toxic and when nothing can be done. This often happens when someone has died, or for mothers, when their children are in trouble, or the children have gone down a bad path, or when there has been a divorce or infidelity. A little less intense when there was a material loss - something burned down, an accident, or a large sum of money was lost. Or a sudden illness at the wrong time. Or children because their parents divorced. Or a more “therapeutic” option - codependents feel a sense of guilt that they did not save their dependent loved ones from trouble. About this feeling of guilt, when it seems that trouble has happened and this is a punishment for something, or payment for sins. What happens to us in such moments? And a lot happens, a different range of feelings, more diverse than a rainbow. And here the main theme is to meet precisely this intensity - the guilt seems to be suffocating. It’s as if he’s pressing him against the wall. Various processes can start at the moment of such intensity - someone can go into addiction - alcohol, cigarettes, food, drugs, gambling addiction, workaholism. Just not to feel the heat. You can begin to rationalize, justify yourself, shift the blame to someone else, to God, to karma, to chance, fate, to other people. And you can endlessly self-flagellate... This is called defense (resistance). In the course “Working with grief and loss and PTSD” there was an assignment - 10 situations when a client comes with a feeling of guilt. A soldier who survived the fighting and did not save his comrade. A mother who had an accident and her two daughters died there, etc…. And here is the task - how to work when a client comes with such guilt. Please raise your hand, who has had such a story in their life - with such guilt that can no longer be corrected? Write in the comments how you are coping - I think it will be useful to exchange experiences. In essence, there is only one question - will you have enough strength, resources, courage, support to live and face all this intensity of feelings at this moment. Live it to the last drop. Don't hang around with this situation for years. Make sure that there is enough support. What to do if this happens to you? You can write letters of forgiveness, do various kinds of “Forgiveness Meditations”. There is also a book “Radical Forgiveness” - this book is essentially about when you yourself blame someone. But the philosophy and insights that you can read there are also suitable for facing your guilt. Read existential literature. Perhaps there will be answers in a religion that is close to you. And definitely!!! use a lot of resources - support, ask for help, do some actions that give you strength and inspiration (each has their own). Give yourself a place to be. And time. Cry, grieve. Make an appointment with a psychologist. Or request an arrangement. Finally, forgive yourself. It is very important to show yourself respect. Both to yourself and to the one in front of whom your guilt is. From the most personal experience of working through, when the guilt was completely removed: at some point it became obvious that my depressed, guilty state was worsening the situation, and getting rid of concentration on guilt and concentrating on development, optimism, joy, the present moment, simple life, work - improves. But these are things that need to be lived. Come to this through living, through personal experience. And perhaps everyone will have their own insights. Of course, with the mind there is an understanding that she could have done better. But focusing on this makes the situation worse. This discovery cured me of guilt. And one last important point. When you have worked through your guilt, most likely it will not be the same. After all, you are now a different person - with a new wealth of achievements. Therefore, you will need to make a little effort in order to transform existence. Next I will write about what I learned from M. Dashkiev’s lecture. And at the end, a couple more comments from myself: GUILT is self-destruction of oneself, an attempt to rid the world of oneself (as well as suicide). From the point of view of self-preservation, the psyche has many defenses. And from the point of view of self-preservation, this is better than wine (M. Dashkiev) Hereinteresting thoughts about guilt from S. Pavlin in the note “Levels of Consciousness” (note based on the theory of David Hawkins from the book “Strength versus Violence”. Please note that the feeling of guilt is practically the bottom of existence and awareness, almost death. It’s not difficult to guess that the level of the resource here is most likely in a deep minus: Levels of consciousness (S. Pavlina): Shame. People who are at this level are almost dead. Here they spend time choosing the best method of suicide. serial murders. Guilt. A level higher than shame, but the meaning of suicide is still relevant. At this level, people consider themselves sinners and cannot forgive themselves for past actions. Lack of self-confidence and a feeling of total helplessness. . Grief. Unending sadness. Slightly less numbness than apathy. Usually comes here after the loss of a loved one. There can be no talk of any changes. Even if a person is up to his neck in an overwhelming relationship. It is very difficult to get out of this level on your own. Wish. The level of desire, bad habits and passion - for money, approval, power... . Constant consumption. The dominance of material values. This is the level of smokers, drug addicts and alcoholics. Anger. Disappointments, a lot of disappointments; most often due to unfulfilled desires from the previous level (money, real estate, fame, approval of others). This level can become an incentive to move to higher levels, or make you drown in hatred. In “suppressive” relationships (family, work, friendship), there are often couples in which one is filled with anger and the other with fear. Pride. The first level at which a person begins to feel more or less comfortable, but this is a false feeling. The feeling of comfort at this level depends on the external environment (money, approval, reputation) and is therefore incredibly vulnerable. Pride often leads to nationalism, racism and religious wars. Level of irrational self-denial and self-defense. The person here is so devoted to his faith that he takes any objections to the usual picture of the world personally. Nazis, religious fundamentalists - they're all here. Bravery. The first level of real power. Here you begin to realize that life is full of challenges and exciting, and not overwhelming as they believe at previous levels. An interest in personal development appears (however, at this level you most likely call it upgrading skills, career growth, promotion, education, etc.). It is at this level that you first begin to perceive your future as growth relative to the past. Neutrality. “Live and let others live” is how this level can be described. Flexible, relaxed life. No matter what happens, there is always a way out. You don't need to prove anything to anyone. You feel safe and get along well with others. A lot of people who work for themselves and not in an office are at this level. Very comfortable level. Without unnecessary stress. Readiness. This is where you begin to use your energy more efficiently. Just making ends meet becomes uninteresting. You want to do your job well, perhaps even show your best. Level of time management, productivity and self-organization. Level of development of will and discipline. The level at which your consciousness becomes more serious and disciplined. Adoption. A powerful leap has occurred and the time for proactive action is coming. At the previous level, you became competent and now strive to put your abilities to the best use. This is the level of setting and achieving goals. At this level, you accept responsibility for yourself, your life and what you do. If something goes wrong (career, health, relationships), you determine the desired state and achieve it. You begin to see a clearer picture of your own life. On)