"Baba Yaga walks through the forest, comes out to the lake, looks - a mermaid is lying naked on the shore, asks the mermaid - Why are you naked? She answers - And this is my erotic costume, men like it! Baba Yaga came home, also undressed and lay down near the hut. Kashchei the Immortal walks past her hut - Yaga, why are you naked? - And this is my erotic costume! - So you should at least stroke it! "Epigraph from a family chronicle Grandma 90 years old On the porch, having opened his robe, he rests in the coolness - Are you needing it, granny? - It’s already possible. Once again, faced with client prohibitions and the surrounding “reality,” I asked a simple question: “Why, exactly, are you so sure of what a “Real Woman” should be?” Men telling women about female sexuality... shouldn’t they know? ...Women teaching other women to be women based on the concepts of... guess who? And all of us, absorbing images of “real women” woven from gloss, porn, retro... It would be funny if it weren’t so sad But Jung also said that everything that men wrote about female psychology is a distortion obtained through fearful interaction with their own (far from prosperous) Anima. And what do we have in the bottom line? Another discussion on the topic A woman should, A woman should not: dress, speak, think, do... How to and should not raise a girl so that she becomes a real woman. By the way, it’s the same problem with men. The only lucky thing is that female stereotypes are not imposed on them, they bathe in their own. And every time someone uses this magical phrase “Real woman” - “Real man” I get a feeling of Through the Looking Glass. Remember the fairy tale about Pinocchio ( or Pinocchio) - a wooden little man who dreamed of becoming real. And this illusion is in the heads of even quite adequate people: as if being born is not enough to be. I will illustrate. At the seminar of conscious motherhood we were asked to play: - Now you are already 7 years old, what is happening ?- A man gets ready and goes to school...- What kind of man?- 7-year-old...- He is not a man, he is a child... Again, magical thinking that allows us to drag an adult guy into the women's toilet, locker room, or even breastfeed... He is not a real man, she is not a real woman... And who then? Look at yourself in the mirror, touch if your vision fails. Is everything in place? Congratulations, you are unlikely to be more real than you are now. You may ask, then why am I still asking this silent question: “Am I woman enough?” Option 1. So that a girl turns into a girl, and then a woman (and from a boy to a Man) banal growing up is required. Psychological, yeah. The process is long, boring, painful, uninteresting and, worst of all, individual... I.e. not about “I will teach you what you should be.” We are not whittling template pinocchios, from human blanks. And if you are still waiting for the fairy godmother, the wizard in the blue helicopter, Papa Carlo, who will tell you off properly, then this is again about magical thinking, about immaturity. Option 2. It happens (comparatively less often) that sexual identification does not happen, and this is for therapy: not for women’s training on the development of sexuality or oral mastery, but for serious in-depth work. If you need it... and you can live with it.*** Quite recently, Winnicott introduced the concept of a “good enough mother.” In therapy, my clients and I introduced the concept of a “bad enough girl” and are tempted to introduce a “real enough woman.” If suddenly It’s not clear, then you don’t need to be a Real Woman - a prototype of the Holy Prostitute-Mother - Eternal Virgin or God knows what other “monster” crawled out of the collective unconscious. You can be “woman enough” And that’s all! Everything is possible! What did you want there? Wear sandals with socks, go without makeup, take out the trash in an evening dress, get married in sneakers (or not), spend a lot of time at your favorite job (or stay at home with children), shave or not shave, worry about “what now they wear it" or don’t worry... You can already.