From the author: The article was published on the website Success is a broad concept. Everyone measures success with their own values ​​and indicators, but practice suggests that in most cases, understanding the measures of success coincide in three criteria: career, health and relationships. Let's talk about success in relationships, or more precisely, that the basis of a happy relationship is the ability to remember that our partner is ideal for us. Success is a multi-vector concept, depending on priorities. Men, for example, are more focused on their career, so to speak, looking for the Path and following it, while women are more focused on relationships. Today I would like to talk about success in the vector of relationships, based on the fact that for many women, the creation of happy relationships is their success, their implementation. A girl begins to dream about a happy family from childhood, reading fairy tales in which a handsome prince saves his beloved princess and takes her to your kingdom “to live, to live, and to make good.” Having matured, the girl finds herself in the magical world of Love, meeting various princes along the way and experiencing a whole cascade of emotions. But one day, on the path of every princess, HE meets - the prince of HER fairy tale, and she realizes that she has found exactly the one she needs to be happy. If this were a fairy tale, then without various everyday vicissitudes, they would live happily ever after, but real life makes its own adjustments to the magical plot. Over time, both the prince and princess may “forget” that their ideal partner is nearby, and will look around in confusion, each in search of their own happiness. What will help you remember: is your partner ideal? Let's try to figure it out... The basis of a happy, successful relationship is the ability to remember that there is an ideal partner nearby (of course, I'm not talking about alcoholics, drug addicts and other partners who are not acceptable for life). It's simple and difficult at the same time. We create difficulties ourselves because, trying to improve our partner, we spur him on with criticism, but very rarely this tactic has the desired result. After all, the partner begins to get irritated by being criticized and doubt our feelings for him, and over time, having gotten used to criticism, he simply stops fulfilling requests and paying attention to the desires and needs of his princess, because he has developed a chain of judgments - “do it.” - they will criticize, if you don’t do it, they will criticize.” But what happens in the mind of a woman who has armed herself with criticism for a good cause? The more she criticizes her partner, the darker her image of him becomes, the more often she thinks that she “wasted the best years of her life on the wrong person.” I feel sorry for myself, it’s a shame... And our princess, instead of becoming a queen, switches to a broom with the goal of still creating happiness. And instead of a fairy tale about love, the prince and princess find themselves in a horror story about marriage. And everything can be completely different if the princess instead of criticism is armed with “I am with messages,” and discontent and grumbling are replaced with admiration and reinforcement of the actions of the prince. Today we’ll talk about “I-messages”. What is an “I-message”? This is one of the methods of productive communication, in which there are no accusations, but rather clarification of one’s feelings and expectations to the interlocutor. “I - messages” scheme: 1. Description of your feelings and state: “I feel...”, “I feel sad...”, etc.2. Description of a situation that causes negative feelings: “I worry when you are not home after 22.00 and I don’t know where you are...”. Here it is important to remove any reproaches and accusations, to exclude all reinforcements “forever”, “always”, “never”. 3. Future wish/instruction: what do I want from a partner in a similar situation: “I worry when you are not home after 10 p.m. and I don’t know where you are. I will be calmer if you warn me that you will be delayed. Can we agree on this?” “I am messages”, becoming your habit, will change a lot in your behavior, which will look like the behavior of a person who respects himself and others, and also changes in you will entail changes in the behavior of those around you. PS Share your thoughts with me