How to survive a divorce? Divorce, separation from a loved one is one of the most painful situations in a person’s life. You can get out of this situation with mental, mental trauma, and often with physical illness. Or you can - having matured spiritually and become stronger. My husband left. My wife left. Going through a divorce is much harder than breaking up with a person with whom you were only in love. Divorce is a collapse of plans and trust in the person closest to you. Often this is betrayal, treason. Divorce is the hardest test for self-confidence. Many difficult questions arise. Should I get a divorce or do anything to save my family? If there are children, how to reduce the damage to them, how to raise them to be harmonious people? How to establish a bachelor (unmarried) life again after a divorce? How to overcome the consequences of divorce and mature for a new relationship? Why does divorce happen? In the psychological literature and in the explanations of those getting divorced, more than a dozen reasons are given: the husband cheats or drinks or earns little, the wife is stupid, does not live up to ideals or is constantly “nagging”, “they don’t get along” characters" and so on. But we must understand that these explanations do not speak about the reason for the divorce, but about the cause of the conflict. There are many ways out of a conflict, and divorce is only one of them, and probably the most unconstructive. How we survive a separation depends only on us, on our desire to take a sober look at ourselves and the situation, on our spiritual efforts. Here are some pitfalls that await us along this path. Friends. Divorce divides the spouses' mutual friends into two camps. Some sympathize more with the husband, others with the wife. This is fine. From this point of view, for the necessary consolation, it is better to resort to parents or brothers or sisters (but in no case to children, no matter how old they are), or to childhood friends. New partner. Obviously, starting a new relationship while you are still emotionally connected to your previous spouse is, firstly, dishonest towards the new partner, and secondly, dangerous: there is a high chance of creating an eternally depressed family environment. If trouble came, but “he didn’t open the gate,” then trouble will remain at the gate. This way all feelings, both negative and positive, go away. “A feeling of loss of senses” is one of the symptoms of depression. Sleep and appetite disturbances. Sound sleep and good appetite are the key to our physical well-being. Even if we have mental anguish, the body must be in working order. Therefore, sleep and appetite disturbances are sufficient grounds for contacting a doctor - psychotherapist. It is important not to self-medicate, since most anti-anxiety medications have an addictive effect. Alcohol seems to provide temporary relief and reduce anxiety. But we must not forget that this is only the first, momentary effect of alcohol. It allows you not to worry for a while. But then alcohol acts as a depressant (which it is). The same problems pile up, plus symptoms of poisoning, plus a feeling of guilt for your weakness. Hatred. Feeling angry is a normal reaction to a divorce situation. But what to do with him? His discharge directly in relation to the departed spouse will lead, in addition to problems associated with breaking the law, to an unbearable feeling of inner emptiness, to a feeling of something irreversibly broken in the soul. To bitterness and the desire to destroy everything further. But it’s also impossible to pretend that there is no hatred, because then it “eats” its “owner” from the inside: the person becomes bilious, angry, again, devastated, and over time, seriously physically ill. Resentment. Resentment is a complex feeling, in which manipulation plays an important part. We take offense in order to force the offender to change his behavior, to do what we want. Therefore, in a situation of divorce, resentment becomes meaningless. Whatever we want from our spouse, we either no longer have the right to want it, or we shouldn’t, since it delays the separation. No matter how we are offended, we must forgive it. That.