Another type of interruption of contact, which remained interesting and mysterious for me throughout my training in Gestalt therapy, but which was little talked about. Yes, and now my colleagues and I don’t mention him at all in our conversations about work. We talk more about control. Although it is similar, this interruption is still a more complex phenomenon in my opinion. The most vivid thing that I remember is that the egotist cannot enjoy the end of the contact, he wants to control it in a special way: “Am I looking at the person correctly, or am I saying , happy enough, sad or convincing enough? Am I not hugging too much right now? Or maybe you need to be more sensual or more detached? What is our relationship like now when we hug? What does this mean at this moment? A lot of thoughts. And there is little presence in sensations, contact with another living person and one’s own feelings from the process. Egotism is a kind of filter through which neurotics intensely pass the situation, including the rational and analyzing part of themselves more than necessary. A person for whom this method of interrupting contact with people and his feelings about what is happening prevails cannot “surrender” as he is, cannot enjoy the relationship. Their imperfections. Unpredictability. He is in close proximity to another, as if, always a little from the outside. The teacher told us that psychologists regularly become people whose contact is interrupted in the final stages, where egotism manifests itself. In a profession, this is useful - to control yourself, to look at what is happening from a distance. Analyze what is happening now, without completely giving in to emotions. Let me remind you that contacts come in different lengths - from a glance to a multi-hour conversation. Therefore, it may seem that your egotism arises both at the beginning and in the middle of contact. No, it’s just that many micro contacts can occur within one “long” contact. Especially if you are communicating in a group of people. This all happens very quickly. And the post-sensations remain similar to those that I will describe further. Egotism is about the lack of spontaneity, when it would be very useful - building relationships, the ability to relax, let go of the situation. And most importantly, in the moments of feeling into the process, behind which there is an appropriation of sensations (I felt this, I can experience it this way), with which I reacted, and after this comes the processing of experience in the psyche. When contact is broken, at the point of collecting the sum of experiences from what happened communication, there is a failure in the processing of experience. And I get the feeling that I don’t communicate with anyone, and I don’t get anything new, the people around me are kind of boring, and so is life. A feeling of stagnation. This is a constant search for the right moment, a good opportunity that never comes. Restraining an important part of yourself that is needed to live the experience of intimacy without avoiding it. Egotism does not allow a “dangerous” level of intimacy with people. When feelings can suddenly get out of control and I become somehow uncontrollable. And then what should I do with myself? It’s scary to surrender to another person, to trust the process of communication, the process of “breathing” contact. If I give myself completely, suddenly I will be flooded with emotions, and I will do something inappropriate, or someone else will do something to me, take advantage of me, or I will somehow behave inappropriately. It seems that one of the main components of this interruption is shame and fear , which block the risk of being spontaneous, a little awkward, choosing words poorly, inappropriately declaring one’s desires, entering into relationships in a way that is very unique, but also authentic. The feeling of authenticity is the main thing in our identity, in knowing exactly who I am. Only this feeling is always achieved through shame and the risk of showing oneself equal only to oneself, and not to models absorbed without checking with oneself. Shame, self-restraint and internal moralizing inherent in egotism - “is this happening right now?”, “am I behaving correctly? » – protects against “wrong” actions. A person pays for correct behavior and decency by being left alone with his.