Many of us know the story about Buridan's Donkey, who found it difficult to choose between two haystacks. It was told by Aristotle, Jean Buridan (after whom this philosophical paradox is named), as well as Wilhelm Leibniz. The story, although not new, turned out to be quite relevant today. The story about Donkey is a story about choice. Making a choice is actually not an easy task. It presupposes the ability to discern the individuality of the haystacks and one's own, to see and recognize the value of the haystacks and to abandon one of them in favor of the other. The latter is not so easy to do. If I go to travel to one country - at the same time I do not go to another, if I buy this pizza - I cannot eat another at the same time, if I choose this man, I do not I can be the same with another. “What if he, the other one, is better? What if the Second one is more suitable? Is the second one exactly what I need? And I’m wasting my time with this loser First!” The thought of this is unbearable. And I take a step into a relationship with the Second. Everything is fine with us, the Second is truly a wonderful person... but there are also others... yes, the same First man/woman/work/trip/home/closet/opportunity... Many paths and many opportunities. If you go to the right, you will lose your horse... Fork or Crossroads. So, standing at a crossroads, a person can spend a significant part of his life without making a choice in one direction. In this case, the donkey dies of hunger, but the man is wiser. And he begins to run from haystack to haystack - as long as he has strength, i.e. meet with both haystacks in parallel and, as a rule, secretly. It seems to him that he is living, but in reality he is standing at a crossroads in a painful choice. And running through the stacks only prolongs his torture. By going through partners or meeting them at the same time, I can only console my mental anguish for a while from the possible loss of the best. “At some point it seems to me that I have both of you - I have the best, I haven’t lost anything and I’m happy! But in fact, I’m with neither of you, I’m with my fear of missing out on the best. It’s not you that’s important to me, but that I have not lost the opportunity to be with the best of you.” And then the third stack appears, history repeats itself, becoming more complicated. “I'm with you, but I'm looking around. I do this not because you are not worthy or not enough, but because I am not able to refuse other opportunities and experience true deep satisfaction from what I have.” Noticing this mechanism is a big victory for the Donkey. This means realizing that everything that I have and can have in the future will not bring me satisfaction and happiness when it becomes mine. At this moment, the Donkey may pause in his run between the stacks. I confess to you, this is an incredible victory for Donkey! Buridan's Donkey has several tragedies: 1. I cannot see and recognize the value of what I have. But I see it in everything that I do not yet possess. Or I see the value of everything around me. It’s as if everything I touch loses its taste, brightness, attractiveness - what things and people who are not with me have yet. This mechanism of devaluing “mine” and idealizing “someone else’s” is capable of gobbling up any of your achievements, any victory, satisfaction and joy. It leaves only annoyance and the desire to quickly grab the side of a new haystack, which (I’ll tell you a secret) after some time will also turn to dust, because there is an even better haystack and another one...2. When I am able to see and recognize the unique value of 2 stacks, it is difficult for me to give up one of them. I want two, three, four at once... I don’t want to give up any of them. No, I can't give up, I can't lose any of them! Such thoughts are swirling when I'm actually not very familiar with my own uniqueness. With your own needs and your own limitations. When I am more or less able to hear my deepest needs and requirements, I begin to understand that not all haystacks are actually suitable for me. And this is not at all about the badness or goodness of haystacks! You don’t.