If you are increasingly asking yourself this question, congratulations. Now you have enough courage to look at yourself and analyze what character traits and behavior become a kind of bait for a rapist. If you skip this point and simply leave the abuser, then most likely and almost naturally, after some time you will enter into a relationship with another abuser. Nothing happens just like that, everything that happens to us has causes and consequences. Often, a victim of abuse, being in a cycle of suffering, stops paying attention to himself, his needs, feelings, desires; her locus of attention gradually, under the yoke of manipulation, shifts to the one who arranges all this torment for her. Very often, leaving an abusive relationship, the victim, by inertia, continues to be interested in her rapist: she tries to find out about the reasons for his behavior (for example, did he have a bad childhood, did his parents love him), classify him (nowadays such definitions as narcissist, psychopath, sociopath), victims even try to cure themselves based on the psychological status of their abuser (very often victims unite in special thematic groups where they share with each other a detailed description of their abuser and his unseemly actions). It can be very difficult to consciously make a decision to stop experiencing your grief again and again, and start building your life from scratch, analyze your weak dependent sides, start working on them and get out of the position of a victim. As I wrote above, the psychology of a person in a situation victims, has a high degree of dependence. Such people cannot yet rely on themselves in vital matters. There are many examples of this, starting with the lack of own living space and the ability to earn a living; and ending with dependence on other people's opinions and an almost panicky fear of loneliness. The victim is simply unable to see his potential to cope with all problems and ensure a normal existence for himself. At some point, the psyche ceases to cope with all the burdens of abusive relationships, as a result of which a defense is formed - a kind of tunnel vision, when the victim is unable to separate himself from the one who treats her unfairly and from the circumstances in which he happened to be associated with abuse. In her psychology, she and the rapist are one. Such individuals take responsibility not only for themselves, but also for the decisions and actions of their tormentor (they justify him in every possible way, take the blame upon themselves) and these relationships as a whole, although normally in the development of communication and any cell of society, responsibility is evenly distributed among all its members . And hence, a phenomenon arises when the victim, already leaving such a relationship, actively tries to solve her problems “at the expense of the other,” that is, there is again an uneven distribution of responsibility in the couple, she (he) says: “My responsibility is not here, this is he is a tyrant." Although, in fact, some initial attitudes and lack of independence led to the long existence of such relationships. If the victim had the resource to end such a relationship immediately after it began, she would have done so immediately. In order not to get into a similar situation again, you should take responsibility for your life and actively work to change your values ​​and attitudes; transform the formulation of the question “what can another do for me?” to “what can I do for myself?” This can be extremely difficult, and at some moments the victim wants to give up everything, because there is resistance and a subconscious desire to live in an already familiar picture of the world (with such a familiar and partly understandable abuser). It is often impossible to figure it out and start taking the first steps without the help of a specialist. However, those who go through this difficult path get rid of tyrants forever and find themselves in new qualities: strength, independence, the ability to stand up for themselves. Sincerely, Pashkevich