From the author: Increasing emotional competence and improving mutual understanding in communication involves mastering the technique of formulating I-statements, as well as its application in difficult life situations as a constructive way of expressing one’s emotions and experiences. Published on my website: How to express your point of view and not quarrel? How to achieve mutual understanding with loved ones, friends, colleagues? I-statements can help. An I-statement (or I-message) is a message to the interlocutor about your experience in connection with a certain event. The structure of an I-statement includes four main components (1-4) and two additional ones (5 and 6 ): 1) “When ...” (describes the factual side of the event without judgment, i.e. what happened, as accurately and specifically as possible). 2) “I felt …” or “I liked/disliked” (it says what emotion or feelings were experienced). 3) “Because...” (explains why this feeling arose, what significance this event has for the speaker). 4) “I want...” (the desired development of the situation is proposed). 5) “I hope...” (or a positive outcome of the development of the situation is stated, or the possibility of reaching an agreement on the development of the situation is discussed). 6) “Otherwise...” (either sanctions are spoken in case of a negative development of the situation, or a warning about an undesirable change in relationships). I-statements can carry a positive or negative meaning depending on the sign of the emotional reaction being represented. A well-formulated and expressed self-statement helps both to improve the well-being of the speaker himself and to regulate conflict situations in relationships between family members, clarifying and deepening mutual understanding. An example of a negative self-statement (a statement that contains a description of negative emotions): “When, instead of come home at 19.00, you return at 23.00, without warning in advance about the delay./ I feel fear, anger, and anxiety./ Thoughts creep into my head that something terrible happened to you, I worry. On the other hand, I get angry when I think that you don’t care enough about me if you make me worry without warning me about the delay. / I want you to come home on time - at 19.00. And if you are late, I would warn you in advance./ I hope that you will take my wish into account. / Otherwise, I will be very offended by you, and we will quarrel.” An example of a positive I-statement (a statement that contains a description of positive emotions): “When you come home earlier than usual (before 19.00). / I am happy. / Because that we have more time to spend together. I really like talking to you! / I want you to come home early as often as possible. / I hope so. It is important to note that formulating an I-statement is a difficult task, and it is not always possible to accurately formulate your reaction right away. It requires training in formulating each component, first for oneself, and then for passing it on to another. It is possible at first to formulate an I-statement, first only for oneself. With the development of the skill of formulating I-statements, the ability to manage one’s emotions also develops, the effectiveness of self-regulation increases, since the formulation of an I-statement involves not only a complete analysis of the interaction situation, but also deepening introspection and reflection of one’s own emotions, desires. Source: excerpt from my book (Rumyantseva T.V. Self-regulation and professional identity of teachers of secondary schools. Monograph. - Yaroslavl: MOU GCRO, 2012, 178 pp.. source):