A familiar situation. Olya stands at the entrance for a long time, then wearily climbs the stairs, clanks the key in the lock and enters her one-room apartment... Vadim plays on the computer, casts a gloomy glance at Olga and nods slightly. She washes herself, changes into her home clothes, sits on the sofa and immerses herself in her iPad. He kills virtual enemies, wins “medals”. She mindlessly looks at colorful pictures on Instagram, selfies of unknown people... The tension is growing. The space of the room, furnished from Ikea, rings with emptiness, filled with grievances, suspicions and fear. Olya thinks about what kind of guy Vadim is if he couldn’t fix her broken car bumper himself. Dad was different. Vadim thinks that in about five minutes she will chase him from behind the computer and start scolding him and giving him ultimatums. Like my mother as a child. A little more and the silence will explode with mutual claims, female panic and male hysteria. The seventh explosion in a week could be what finally destroys their couple and leads to divorce. Everyone will go back to their trenches to lick their wounds and drown their sadness and resentment in alcohol. So what to do? There are no ready-made recipes that suit everyone. The satisfaction and comfort of each couple is always a unique dish. Which is prepared through many searches for the right ingredients, trial and error, experiments... You can only develop a sense of taste, become a gourmet. Who prefers to cook good dishes of life together with his partner, not agreeing to anything out of desperation. In this regard, there are some guidelines, vectors for the development of a modern couple. Universal skills, based on which a married (and other) couple can make efforts to be together through interest, recognition of another person, searching for an inspiring place nearby, the desire for meeting and intimacy. In my psychological practice, I rely on three criteria for the stability of a modern couple, which are highlighted by M. Spaniolo Lobb: a) The ability to see a partner as an Other. In this case, I understand that the person next to me is different from me in his past experiences, his needs and vulnerabilities. Often, spouses do not explore the differences between their partners, remaining in their fantasies. For example, Olya always wanted to feel independent, an adult in marriage and for her husband to respect this. But in the usual way she behaved like a touchy little girl. Just like she was used to next to her dad, who pitied her and did everything so that she would not be offended. And Vadim dreamed that they would stop judging him with or without reason, pestering him (as his mother did), so that he could allow himself to develop his strengths. He reacted to Olga’s childhood insults with shame, which prevented him from showing his best qualities. What would help him communicate with Olga politely and with respect. They can give each other what they want, but to do this they need to recognize that the partner does not have to live up to expectations. He is simply Different. b) The ability to distinguish between the desires of another and one’s own reactions of anger and resentment to his actions. For example, Olga told Vadim about the damaged bumper, expecting him to realize that she needed help fixing it. But she did not openly ask for help, since this was not accepted in her family. And in her heart she was angry that he could not guess that she needed help. Vadim wanted Olya to respect his ability to earn money and find the necessary connections (for example, attract good specialists) to solve their problems, such as repairs and repairs. At the same time, he perceived Olga’s complaints as condemnation and tried to quickly avoid the conversation. Her own experiences prevented her from seeing that Olga needed help. He could, for example, help with money for this repair and attract professionals. Potentially, in this case, they had the opportunity to give each other what they wanted: Olga - help with repairs, and Vadim - the opportunity to use his money and connections to receive recognition and gratitude from her. But to do this they had to abandon their usual ways.