Aggression... What is aggression? Many people are afraid of aggression and its manifestations. For them, aggression is something so terrible, uncontrollable... it’s a flurry of emotions that cannot be contained or stopped. There are a lot of different manifestations of aggression in our world and in fact, aggression is a broader concept than many people think. Let's try a little to understand what aggression is. It is often believed that aggression includes certain actions and that’s all. Well, for example, a neighbor in the stairwell can be rude out of nowhere (irritability, verbal aggression), or he likes to fight or beats his wife or children (physical aggression)... It’s immediately clear. But what if a person, maybe even a close one, for example, gets offended very often, and even doesn’t talk to you for two weeks... You ask him what happened, and he turns his nose to the side (well, either to the floor or to the ceiling - the main thing is, not to you), and is silent. He might even start sniffling and crying, but he won’t reveal the secret of what happened. What is this - aggression or not? Aggression, definitely. Only in such a veiled form. And negativism? And here he is! Example: a child or a teenager, or an adult (and why not?), does everything the other way around or silently listens to requests and goes on and does what he was doing or was going to do, without even thinking about trying to do what he is asked to do. Or, for example, you ask him, an adult/teenager/child, to do something... and he forgot... Most likely, he didn’t want to do it from the very beginning, but it may be inconvenient or even impossible to refuse... How could he forget? He himself is surprised - miracles! Good example, children. For example, you ask him not to scream, but it’s as if he immediately gets a second wind, and he begins to hit notes even higher, even louder. Or, cleaning up toys, for example. Not my favorite childhood activity. It happens that you say, take it away, but he, a little man, instead of removing even more, begins to throw it demonstratively... and even in different directions... and even further away... Beauty! Although here it is important not to forget that asking to remove it is also aggression, but on the part of the mother. As you can see, aggression has many guises. But in general, as Gestaltists say, any question is already a manifestation of aggression. Because we manifest ourselves in the world - it’s as if we weren’t there, and by asking a question, we are already manifesting ourselves, introducing ourselves into this world, declaring ourselves, winning our space and attention. And this, in a certain way, is aggressive energy aimed at conquering (place, attention), very good energy, without which it is impossible to survive. Why do we need aggression? First of all, for growth, secondly, for protection. That is, full development, understanding of one’s boundaries, capabilities, interests, needs is impossible without the manifestation of aggression. For example, a child says or tries in every possible way to show his parents (if he is still very young): “no, I won’t/don’t want to do this.” During lunch, the mother tries to feed the child, and he spits cauliflower or broccoli, for example, (most likely, simply because he likes pumpkin or zucchini or something else), pushes away the spoon, drops the plate from the table. Well! Great! It's great that a child can show what he likes and what he doesn't. A completely healthy manifestation of aggression. And if the mother is more sensitive to signals from the child, then she will understand and take into account much earlier what the child likes and what he doesn’t. And you won’t have to clean the kitchen of broccoli and cauliflower. And if this aggression is suppressed, then subsequently the child will cease to understand and believe his internal signals about what is important to him. He will stop believing in himself (“because mom knows better (what he wants, what he likes, what he needs”), to believe in his strengths and capabilities. This is how the first seeds of “codependency” are sown - that is, constant dependence on another. What work with aggression might look like. The first work is carried out by parents - from an early age they teach the child to show his feelings and emotions, including aggression..