or a short article about how incestuousness manifests itself in family relationships. I suggest that you first decide what kind of phenomenon this is. For the first time, the very concept of incestuousness and incestuousness was introduced by Paul Claude Racamier. According to Rakamya, incestuousness is desires and fantasies that are incestuous in nature, and Incestuality is fog, the ether of incest. When the atmosphere of incest reigns in the air, but the fact of incest itself is not there. Here the fantasy of fusion, Nazistic unity, submission and complete possession is expressed. Racamier believes that in incest there is no sexual energy, but only the energy of the Self and the desire for self-preservation. When books and articles are translated into Russian, the concept of “incestuousness” is often used to define two types of manifestations. The main areas of life suffering from incestuous behavior of parents: Difficulties in finding a partner and building a family Violations in the sexual sphere Psychosomatic disorders Infantile behavior and fear of responsibility Difficulties in pregnancy and childbearing Both children and parents turn to psychologists. The first with problems in interpersonal and sexual relationships, the second with the fact that they are tired of procrastinating and worrying about grown-up children who, in their opinion, do not want to take responsibility. Parents may sincerely worry that their child’s personal life is not working out, but not realize their influence on this situation. Let's look at what is recommended to be excluded from the relationship between the child and parents for the latter's normal personal development. Signs of incestuous behavior in childhood: The mother or father regularly sleeps with the child in the same bed. The reasons may, at first glance, be justified. For example, the baby has constant nightmares or disorders of the excretory system, insomnia, anxiety, the requirement of the mother’s presence, fear of the dark, lack of a separate crib. Constant close bodily contact does not give the child space for the development of imagination, fantasizing, experiencing his own body, its boundaries. The mother leaves with the child in a separate room or on a separate bed. The woman leaves the marital bedroom or invites her partner to do so. That is, he excludes the third and remains paired with the child. We are talking about recurring episodes. Termination of sexual relations The parent (usually a woman) stops having a sexual life. She ignores her partner and does not experience arousal. You can say that she is disconnected from the relationship with him. And completely devotes himself to the child. The parent walks around the child in underwear, undresses and dresses in front of the child. The door to the toilet and bathroom does not close when visiting them, and sometimes opens intentionally. Joint bathing with the child. Kisses on the lips. Kiss on the private parts. Touching the child’s private parts without the need. Long-term breastfeeding. feeding without taking into account the child's true needsPeeping and eavesdropping near the child's roomThe parent is concerned about the child's masturbation, constant attempts to stop it or catch him and accuse him of masturbationThe parent is concerned about the child's puberty, spying on changing clothesRandomly stroking a teenage girl's chest Stroking the child's genitalsPresence in the nude in front of the childDemonstration of one's sexual constitution child Having sex in front of a child, masturbation “Spanking” on the buttocks in the form of a game Ritual punishments (in the book “Murder of the Soul” Ursula Witrz gives an example of incestuous behavior of the father. He forced his twelve- and fourteen-year-old daughters to undress in front of him and beat them on the buttocks with a belt as punishment for misdeeds) Manifestation of incestuous behavior in adulthood: Cohabitation of a healthy adult with parents Material dependence of an adult on parents or a parent on a child Absence of a relatively healthy adult a person’s self-service skills (cook food, wash things, buy groceries at the store) or intentional transfer to a parent/childthis function Discussion with the parent of all the details of their life, including intimate Lack of real contacts with the external environment, impaired communication skills The parent is like a “best friend” / “best friend” The parent discusses with the child his personal life, problems in relationships with his partner Eating disorders, alcoholism , drug addiction Inability to go to study/work/live in another region or country, since relatively healthy parents need help and attention. The parent may even get sick if there is a risk of the child being separated. Involving the parent or, conversely, the child in solving basic everyday issues (going together to the supermarket for groceries, buying clothes, a person cannot do this on their own) The parent constantly emphasizes his importance and the adult child’s dependence on him (if If I didn’t cook for you, you would die of hunger; who else will tell you the truth besides me; who needs you except your own mother) When you try to establish boundaries, an aggressive reaction of resistance arises. It is expressed in ignoring, a sharp decrease in intonation and timbre of the voice, and a demonstrative removal from the life of an adult child. If not in a merger, then no way. Boundaries equal the death of a parent. Kisses on the lips between a parent and an adult child Prolonged physical contact between a parent and an adult child (watching TV together in an embrace) Excessive control on the part of a parent over the life of an adult child A parent’s concerns about an adult child are not age-appropriate (what he ate, when, what time dressed, who he is with, what time he will go home, etc.) Demanding care and attention from the child, regular complaints that he does not spend enough time with the parent. Below are three examples of exaggerated incestuous behavior in child-parent relationships. Mainly, using the example of the mother, since fathers are more often prone to the real fact of incest. And we are talking about incestuousness. Example 1. Boundless love A mother changes clothes in the presence of a child, walks around the house in her underwear, goes into the child’s bathroom, bathes with the child, sleeps with him in the same bed, devotes the child to her relationship with his father ( or partner), takes a sacrificial position, expects support and protection from the child, belittles the importance and authority of the father, always emphasizes that the son is the main man in her life, the only one who understands her, the meaning of her life. When a child tries to be alone, she is offended that he does something without her. He cannot have secrets from his mother, because his mother tells him everything, she is his best friend and wishes him only the best. Includes the child in all family decisions, giving him responsibility inappropriate for his age and role, and asks him for advice on all issues. She constantly praises the boy, protects him from the comments of his father and those closest to him. Further, when the boy grows up, all the girls turn out to be cunning and calculating witches, unworthy of her child’s professional networks. But mom, of course, won’t say that directly. After all, she loves her son so much that she allows him to make “free elections.” Just a couple of “good” tips and hints. As a last resort, she is chosen who is not able to compete with the mother for her son’s attention, which is very easy to push into the background (for various reasons) and the mother still allows her son’s relationship with her, but remains “the main woman of his life.” The child often remains in the “family nest”, lives with his parents or is heavily dependent on them. Most often, in the described format of relationships with his mother, an already matured man has difficulties building his own family. If a boy is raised without a father figure and there is no man to fill this role, then it will be extremely difficult for him to build strong mature relationships, since he already has a woman. Time and money are spent on her, she takes care of him, loves him unconditionally and is not going to go anywhere. They live like this until death does them part, and it’s not a fact that it’s mom’s, since no vitamins can compare with hers.narcissistic triumph. Why does this happen? First of all, it's very tempting. To be the main, or even better, the only main (and forever) person in someone's life. What if not just an ideal mother, but an ideal woman... ideal for everyone! What if the boundaries between mother and woman are not marked at all? What if a woman experiences a deficit in acceptance and care since childhood? How wonderful it is to have an object nearby that you can control, unquestioningly subordinate to your power and admiring you. Of course, all these processes occur in most cases unconsciously. And for the child, this situation is completely his mother. He gets everything he could ever dream of. The mother's body (constant physical contact, hugs, kisses, sleeping together), her attention, her care, all her time, all her thoughts and boundless love, sometimes even with a flair of eroticism and sexuality. After all, mother is the original world. Is anyone capable of loving him the same way? Often the mother is no longer in a sexual relationship with her husband, they have practically ceased, she is completely involved in the “main man of her life” and switches all her attention and energy to him, leaving no space for his independent development. Example 2. Not very and I wanted to, but there was no other way. Unlike Example 1, the second Example is more incestuous, not incestuous. The very fact of seduction and absorption is hidden behind aggression and imaginary rejection. The child is the victim. A container for the mother's destructive emotions. Which she herself most likely experienced (or suppressed) in relation to herself in her childhood. A woman's pregnancy and the birth of a child are emotionally charged events. At the time of pregnancy, a woman regresses to her prenatal state, to infancy, to relationships with her mother and significant adults. Identification with the mother occurs. These processes are not always pleasant and positive. The mother's behavior in this example will be ambivalent. Split between love for the unfortunate (in her opinion) child who is offended by the world and hatred of him for depriving her (in her opinion) of a wonderful future, she blames the child for all the failures of her life. However, sad as it may be, the birth of this the child turns out to be an excellent excuse for everything that didn’t work out for her. After all, now you don’t need to look for the reasons for failures in yourself. They were all born into the world as a small human baby. And she is the only one who can support him and help him survive. Nobody needs this except her. Moreover, a child may have a father and grandparents, but the mother unconsciously closes him off from close communication with them. She creates in the child a feeling of his own inadequacy and regularly emphasizes his dependence on her. However, she herself is dependent on his need for her. From time to time, demonstrative scenes of leaving, ignoring, dying can be staged (yes, this also happens. In one example, a mother pretended to be dead in front of her children, stopped breathing, with the unconscious goal of gaining a sense of her own significance and value). Who else loves her as much as her child, for whom she is the whole world? Who else is ready to give their life for her? And by leaving the child in a dependent infantile position, the mother provides herself with recognition, authority, and significance. And also a life not alone with a loyal admirer and with deep meaning. In most cases, this scenario unfolds in the absence of the father’s participation in the child’s life. The mother either excludes him, or he withdraws into the shadows. Resentment towards parents and, possibly, a feeling of betrayal on the part of a man, a feeling of guilt for destructive feelings towards the baby, strengthen the desire for a destructive merger with his child. The departure of a child from this couple with his mother means for her a collision with her own life, the cessation of the role of a rescuer, a feeling of the meaninglessness of existence, emptiness. Example 3. A child as a narcissistic continuation. A child as the meaning of all life and its bearer. Child.