From the author: Article from the newspaper "Chelyabinsk Metallurgist" 08/17/98 "Be able to overcome the turn of fate" (my, author's version) Article from the newspaper "Chelyabinsk Metallurgist" 08/17/98 "Be able to overcome the turn of fate “(my, author’s version)Two reasons prompted me to talk about the achievements, methods of modern psychotherapy, and new opportunities for providing effective assistance. The first is that people who have been suffering for years from some kind of family, moral, mental problems and even organic diseases do not know that deliverance from these torments exists. Often problems are resolved in several psychotherapeutic sessions, and in many cases complete recovery occurs literally in one session. The second is that the methods of modern psychotherapy in most cases seem so strange and unusual to the uninitiated that patients are literally shocked, and instead of directly working on problems, they have to spend tens of minutes explaining “what, why and why.” And so, let’s first talk in more detail about who, in what cases and how modern psychotherapy can help. And then I will tell you how this is done using new methods that were not available to residents of our country just a few years ago. Let's not talk about people who believe that they are sick or have some serious psychological problems and want to get help from someone. As a rule, they find their way to a psychotherapist. Let's talk about people who consider it shameful to turn to someone for help with any problems and about people who are aware of their suffering, clearly understand the essence of their problems, but believe that no one or anything will help them. Let's consider a number of problems that arise among people in the process of family and marital relations. In general, specialists with basic pedagogical, psychological and medical education deal with and specialize in family and marriage relations. This, in general, determines the ways and methods in which specific specialists work. In addition, everyone has some personal preferences and studies something more deeply than the rest. Personally, having a higher medical education, and having completed, in addition to the classical specialization in psychotherapy, a number of new directions, I am an adherent of NLP methods, HYPNOSIS TECHNIQUES ACCORDING TO MILTON ERICKSON and transpersonal psychology. I consider NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) a very effective tool, and in most practical applications cases I use these methods to help and treat patients. Therefore, out of all the variety of problems, I will focus mainly on those that, in my opinion, can be more effectively solved by NLP methods. To simplify understanding, I will not use strict scientific terminology, but will talk about the practical side of application and illustrate everything with specific examples from my personal practice, leaving the theory at the end of the conversation for those who have the patience and desire to understand NLP in more detail. So, man and a woman gets married, has children, gradually acquires things, various material benefits, and lives more or less happily. And then the typical situation. One day, suddenly or gradually, one of them begins to be drawn to another person. He rushes about: he feels sorry for the old things that took years to build, and for the children, and he wants new great happiness (either a bird in the hands, or a pie in the sky). The spouse suffers and torments others. Intimate relationships deteriorate, mutual dissatisfaction increases, quarrels become more frequent, and a painful atmosphere appears in the house. Children become nervous, have problems, begin to study worse, and if this drags on for a long time, and the relationship between the spouses takes on an uncivilized form, then the children’s old diseases worsen and new diseases appear. Most often these are bedwetting, obsessive actions (biting nails, breaking and spoiling things), tics, stuttering, and fears. It happens that spouses, in the end,decide to save the relationship. Using good recommendations, spouses try to forgive each other, be more attentive, more gentle, forget grievances, but few succeed. The couple continues to live together, but their former happiness does not return. How can a psychotherapist help in this situation? It turns out that without giving any moral assessment of what happened, a psychotherapist who knows NLP methods can literally help them in one session. It can free one of the spouses from the pangs of conscience, remove the feeling of guilt (as is known, a long stay in such a state is a direct path to the appearance of malignant neoplasms), and the other, at a deep level of the subconscious, can “forgive” the guilt of their spouse. After such work, it really turns out to be possible to restore sincere, happy relationships in the family. Depending on what the person wants in the situation described above, and at what phase of the development of events he asked for help, the psychotherapist can even radically change the situation. For example, if the patient wants, then with the help of special exercises it is possible to eliminate and destroy falling in love to such an extent that the one (or she) for whom the patient was ready to leave the family will begin to cause complete indifference. In a similar way, you can help a person suffering from unrequited love. To illustrate the capabilities of NLP, I will give another example. A patient contacted me. Many years ago his wife, whom he loved, died. Throughout the past time, he often saw her in his dreams. But in the end, life goes on and the man has met the woman he would like to marry. It would seem, what problems? But a problem arose: the late wife, of course in a figurative sense, stood at the new marital bed... Intimate relationships did not improve. The image of his ex-wife vividly appeared before his eyes at the most crucial moment. In this situation, it was possible, without destroying the good memory of the late wife, to eliminate all undesirable aspects. Without pretending to fully consider the problems of marriage and family relations, I will dwell on the last problem. So, the family broke up after all. The divorce is ongoing or has already ended... And the torment associated with this process will be felt for many years. How many women in my office began to cry when talking about a divorce that occurred several years ago! How many men’s hands began to tremble and their faces turned red? Yes, if you have been carrying these negative emotions within yourself for so many years, then you cannot even imagine what harm you have done to your health, how many times have you increased the risk of contracting a serious illness?! And here’s what’s sad: when you start offering to put out the fire, the negative emotions that are devouring him, to do forgiveness, the person shouts in response: “Never!” Yes, I want to kill him, not forgive him! And the most surprising thing is that some people never manage to explain that forgiveness is needed for him personally, and not for someone else. They prefer to “enjoy” the fantasies of various methods of revenge and thereby, poor people, take revenge on themselves. And you need to forgive, forgive sincerely, deeply, because this, unfortunately, is the only (remember the Bible) way to find peace, to give your wounded soul the opportunity to recover, to heal, to prepare yourself for a possible new love, for happiness. What if fate offers you a gift? love to you, but your embittered or closed heart will not be able to accept it. If we return to dry scientific language, then I can say this. It has been scientifically established that it is more profitable for you to destroy and forget your offense than to live with it. Time cures. Sooner or later negative emotions will fade away, but for many it will happen too late! Every person in his life has repeatedly been in a situation where he sincerely would like to forgive, and needs to forgive for a number of different reasons, whether a loved one, a stranger, or even his own family, but it just doesn’t work out. How much torment it brings to the one who has not forgiven himself,How does life become poisonous?! An elderly woman patient told me that all her life she had been tormented by the insult her mother inflicted on her as a child. All my life my relationship with my mother was cool. And she and I managed to eliminate this resentment in 30 minutes of work! The “stone” was lifted from her soul! One of my patients was going to change jobs because she couldn’t stand the presence of one of her colleagues, she was nervous every day, suffered at night, in general, her whole life was poisoned by this “trifle.” The next day she came to see me and happily told me that the presence of this person now does not cause any emotions in her, and how she could torment herself for several months is now unclear to her. I would like to touch on one more aspect of problems in marriage. -family relationships. For myself, I conventionally call this group of problems the “red rag problem.” The existence of such a problem can poison the life of a family for many years. The point is that somehow some essentially little things become such a strong irritant that they can almost always provoke a quarrel or, at best, ruin the mood for the whole day or night. These can be completely unexpected things: socks left out of place, dishes not washed on time, some phrase, the absence of one thing (here we go again, how many can you do?!) and so on and so forth. So one of my patients, opening the front door of the apartment, upon returning, the first thing he looked at was the mat for wiping his feet, and if it turned out to be crumpled (and his wife had to monitor the condition of the mat), then he literally flew into a rage. So, my dears, all these things from which you suffer are removed once and for all, as easily as a bad tooth is pulled out! And after an hour it becomes funny to you how you could suffer because of this and could not do anything about it. We now live in a rather complex world that requires constant mental and physical stress. A state of chronic stress has become almost the norm of life. In China they say: “If you keep the bow string taut, it will burst very quickly.” I think that today no one needs to prove the existence of a close connection between the body and the psyche. Psychosomatic illnesses are a clear example of this connection. If a person is under the influence of chronic stress caused by production, financial or family problems for a long time, changes in the internal environment occur that adversely affect the most important systems of the body. First of all, the cardiovascular system and the immune system suffer. Allergic conditions are also subject to modern psychotherapeutic treatment, when the allergen is clearly known (citrus fruits, apples, nuts, dust, etc.), then complete recovery occurs in 80% of cases. Back in the early 20th century, an American doctor noticed a reaction to artificial roses, while the patient was allergic to living roses. Thus, the discovery was made that the psyche may be involved in the basis of allergies. Based on the work of the Russian scientist Pavlov, the main discovery of NLP was made about the relationship of conditioned reflexes. Pavlov, while studying conditioned and unconditioned reflexes, discovered that if a dog is affected by both a bell and a beep, then saliva is released, but if one stimulus is removed, then saliva is not released. This principle is used in the treatment of allergies and the elimination of most problems. People often have the concept of “damage”, “evil eye”, and if there is such a belief, then this affects the well-being and health of a person. With modern methods of psychotherapy, this problem can be eliminated quite easily. There is no need to turn to “sorcerers” In addition, practically effective techniques for relieving tension and reducing stress levels have now been developed and mastered. We are talking about different types of meditation techniques. It is very useful for everyone to learn some meditation techniques. Based on my experience, I would recommend»