We all know the phrase: “Be yourself!” “Know yourself and you will know the world” “Each of us has only one true calling - to find the way to ourselves” “Life is a pregnancy with yourself” It would seem that everything is clear... But as it turns out, nothing is clear at all... So What is this: to be yourself? Many people, perplexed, ask: “What, isn’t I Me? Who else?" Yes, indeed, often “I” is not really “I”... The layering of parental attitudes, the demands of society, the consequences of psychological trauma make a person an Other, in whom his true “I” is sometimes difficult to recognize. To be yourself is, first of all, to understand what you want. This is the ability to understand your real feelings, desires and needs. In everyday life, many people find it difficult to perceive their feelings: some feelings are “frozen”, others are deeply hidden, others make themselves felt through vague sensations, incomprehensible emotional reactions or stereotypical behavior. Often we experience feelings, but we cannot identify or find a word that denotes this feeling. This happens partly because the word “feel” itself carries a huge semantic load that goes beyond the scope of direct feeling. By feelings we mean: - Assumptions, guesses, for example: “I feel that my husband is cheating on me.” If we talk about feelings in this situation, then most likely they will be: jealousy, fear, resentment, pain. - Observations, for example: “I feel that after work you are in no hurry to go home.” Here we are probably talking about resentment, fear. - Physical sensations. For example: “I feel like I’m getting sick.” Feeling is a human emotional process that reflects a subjective evaluative attitude towards real or abstract objects. Feelings are distinguished from affects, emotions and moods. A person is often unable to understand what he really feels at one time or another. This happens because very often our true feelings are masked by others. Why does this happen?1. Parents themselves do not understand their feelings and therefore cannot teach this to their child. The child is initially disoriented; he does not have the skill of recognizing any of his feelings.2. In the family there is a ban on the child showing feelings. For example, a ban on expressing anger. Such parents believe that the child has no right to be angry, and if he suddenly shows that he is angry, a reaction immediately follows, prohibiting him from doing so. But the feeling has already arisen. And the child is forced to hide his anger behind other feelings. Often it is guilt, fear, sadness, resentment. One feeling is replaced by another, and in the future it is quite difficult to discern the original feeling behind the other feelings masking it.3. A ban on the expression of their feelings by the parents themselves. For example, mom quarreled with dad and got upset. The child, seeing her condition, tries to show sympathy and asks: “Mom, are you sad because you quarreled with dad?” To which my mother replies, smiling: “No, I’m fine.” And then the child understands that he cannot trust his feelings, they are wrong. And, accordingly, he stops trusting himself. Here it is worth mentioning the influence of television and the Internet on the ability to recognize feelings. Nowadays there are many programs in which people fall, get hurt, and break. There is nothing funny about this, but hearing laughter behind the scenes, a child (and an adult too) learns to abandon his real feelings, masking them with laughter. 4. Lack of self-confidence. Many people learn to deny their true feelings out of fear that they will not be understood or will take their manifestation for weakness. Our society is focused on success and appreciation, not feelings.5. Difficult experiences, losses. A person hides feelings, “freezes” them because he is afraid of the intensity of their manifestations or denies them. The reasons for such reactions may also be denial of the fact of the loss, its significance or irreversibility. But sooner or later these feelings are sure to.