A very important skill in a relationship is to listen to your partner and be able to feel his pain. In most relationships, if we have offended our partner, we first try to justify and protect ourselves. We explain and prove why and why we did this. But at the same time we don’t feel our partner and his pain. I defend myself because I feel like I’m being attacked. Even if I'm good and my intentions were good. When our partner expresses resentment or anger to us, we naturally feel attacked and want to defend ourselves. But if we want to remain open and vulnerable in our relationship with our partner, then we need to learn to control ourselves, our feelings and emotions, and learn empathy, the ability to see and hear our partner. Learning to cope with uncomfortable feelings, and being close to our partner, who opens up to us with his vulnerability and really wants and asks us to see him. And he, in turn, can do the same for us. Of course, the partner believes that we can satisfy his needs through openness and readiness for dialogue. And it’s great that he brings his pain to us, and does not accumulate grievances in his soul, which can accumulate for many years and ultimately interfere with the development of our relationship. We need to learn to perceive our partner’s feelings, because his resentment and claims are a way and an invitation to intimacy, and not accusation or humiliation, and this is a skill, since this action is worth practicing. When we hear from a partner: you offended me by forgetting about our meeting, then we experience fear, guilt, etc. but at this moment we do not notice ourselves, our feelings, we try to correct the situation by blaming the other person, instead of admitting that we were wrong. Well, we actually forgot about the meeting because we were busy at work. You feel shame, but because you are more compassionate towards yourself, and mistakes do not make you a bad person, you begin to defend yourself, while blaming others, so that the feeling of shame goes away, as it is difficult to bear.