“Midlife is a period of deep psychological transformation.” (M. Stein) The main developmental dilemma in a middle-aged adult, according to the point of view of Erik Erikson, is the dilemma of restlessness. Restlessness in Erikson's theory is a very broad concept, covering both parental relationships - the birth and upbringing of children, and most of what is meant when talking about "productivity" or "creativity" - competence in a particular area, ability to contribute to it. Restlessness is thus a concept close to self-actualization, which Abraham Maslow defines as a person’s desire to become the best person possible. In their chosen profession, people strive to do their best and improve enough to achieve the highest level of competence of which they are capable. People strive to be loyal friends, engaged citizens, worthy partners. They work to develop their strengths and, where possible, eliminate their shortcomings in order to become as perfect as possible. Also, the concept of restlessness is closely intertwined with the archetype of “self”, which was introduced by Carl Jung. And it is precisely the restlessness of a person as a consequence of the inability to achieve “selfhood” and self-actualization that is a manifestation of a midlife crisis. According to M. Stein’s definition, such fundamental problems of individual development and personal reflection as the feeling of attachment to other people, the experience of their loss, a sense of self-identity, hope and despair, make themselves felt most persistently during this period. A person's fundamental integrity is often tested almost to the point of breaking. Anyone who survives this difficult journey and sets out on a calm sea never remains the same. The midlife crisis breaks some, while it makes others whole. Out of crisis emerges a deeper form of wholeness than ever imagined. Erikson's theory focuses on childhood stages of development; its discussion of middle age is brief and couched in very general terms. Theorists who have focused on middle age have attempted to elaborate on some of the problems of this age by describing more important issues and defining more stages. It is important to note that these stages were developed almost exclusively from studies of middle-class white people. A classic example of this is Levinson's periodization of life. Moreover, I would like to note that the overwhelming number of works devoted to the midlife crisis are devoted to the consideration of this problem in men. Apparently, this is due to the fact that in the past it was men who pursued a career, provided for loved ones, spent more time in the company of other people and, accordingly, the manifestations of a midlife crisis were noticed and described precisely by their example. Whereas women, being often limited in communication to a fairly narrow circle of people and not showing their mental suffering in front of strangers, have not attracted such close attention from researchers of the problem we are considering. But the female midlife crisis is no less, and sometimes even more acute, problem, requiring long, thorough and attentive work, both by the psychologist and the client herself. However, before we turn in more detail to the problem of midlife crisis in women, let us consider the manifestations of this problem, which are almost the same in people of both sexes. The most important moment of mental development concerning the midlife crisis is associated with a fundamental change in attitude - from the identity of the Ego to the identity of the Self. If this transformation is unsuccessful, the second half of life will be permeated with feelings of dissatisfaction and bitterness, a feeling of the death of inner meaning (neurosis). A positive outcome of the midlife crisis promises good prospects for the growth of creative potential, gaining wisdom, correct and holistic understandingyourself in old age. Psychologists describe the path to overcoming the midlife crisis in different ways, but in general, many agree with the periodization of this crisis proposed by Stein. He identifies three stages in the process of transformation at midlife. The first stage is associated with irretrievable loss and requires parting with the past - past dreams, myths, ideals, illusions. They must be mourned and buried. After this, a period of “suspense” and uncertainty begins: many questions arise, the main one of which is the question of one’s previous identity and understanding of oneself. This critical stage is called liminality. It is important to note that the period of liminality is not ending soon. An attempt to end this period prematurely leads to the cessation of the realization of creative potential, jeopardizing its existence and the transition to the next stage of life. During this period, a new world is being formed, and this requires time. And finally, at the third stage, a new personality is born, and it also takes time for it to manifest its characteristics and gain a stable position in life. I would like to note that it is not possible to accurately identify the boundaries of these stages; one smoothly passes into the other, and in some cases there is a repeated passage of them with incomplete or ineffective experience of the mid-life crisis. In the period between thirty and forty years (it should immediately be noted that this gradation by age is quite arbitrary and inaccurate, and according to domestic psychologists, the numbers for residents of Russia are even more different) many come to reassess their previous choices of a spouse, career, and life goals. Sometimes it comes to divorce and changing professions. Also, the first years after thirty are usually a time of coming to terms with new or reaffirmed choices and life goals. The most noticeable and potentially valuable symptom in midlife is internal conflict. “A completely unbearable inner discord,” Jung writes, “is proof of your true life. Life without internal contradictions is either only half of life, or life in the Beyond, which only angels live.” Midlife transformation is a key moment in the transition from the first half of life to the second. It reflects not only the crisis of the Ego, but also the possibility of the emergence of an individual personality, the birth of a new personal center in consciousness - the Self. What takes root in personal history during this period will bear its psychological fruit throughout the subsequent life of the individual. We can identify several fairly typical descriptions of problems collected by researchers of the problem described, which are given by people during a midlife crisis: a) A person understands that has already achieved what he wanted, that this is the maximum, there is nowhere else to strive; b) Instead of the reached peak, a person finds a plateau where only part of what was planned was realized. For example, a career, a smart child, and divorced husband/wife. Or, husband/wife, children, an interesting job where you are valued, but you have a rented apartment and always barely have enough money until payday. Or money, a career, an ideal marriage, but there are no children, and it is no longer healthy to give birth; c) It happens that a midlife crisis begins when something happens in life. For example, instead of a high position, which he had been striving for for a long time, a career collapse or an irreparable and untimely loss. d) It may be that, postponing everything for later, a person notices that others have long overtaken him, and he is unlikely to have time to make up for lost time of your life. This period of life is also called the “doom decade” and the “midlife crisis.” Its main characteristic is the awareness of the discrepancy between a person’s dreams and life goals and the reality of his existence. Since human dreams almost always have some unrealistic features, sometimes even fantastic, the assessment of their discrepancy with reality during this period is colored, as a rule, negative andemotional and painful tones. Time is running out in order for the gap between dreams and reality to manifest itself quite clearly, sharply and painfully for a person. Quite often during this period a person feels a feeling of emptiness and a lack of meaning in life. Most scientists note some characteristic features of this period: prolonged moods of apathy and depression, feelings of disillusionment and disappointment either in life in general or in certain people who were previously idealized; the dreams of youth disappear or are rudely destroyed; anxiety about death creeps into the soul, and people often say that their life will end before they can “really live.” Liberation from illusions, which is not unusual for 35 or 40 years old, can be threatening to the personality . Dante described his own confusion at the beginning of the fatal decade: “Having completed half my earthly life, I found myself in a dark forest, having lost the right path in the darkness of the valley.” Often these changes relate to the intensity of work: for example, brilliant impulsiveness and creativity gushing with new ideas gives way place for a more mature and sometimes quite conservative approach to business. This is often associated with a decrease in a person’s physical strength at this age, a restructuring of the hormonal system and the resulting requirement of the body for a more careful attitude towards itself and a correct assessment of its physical and emotional resources. Indeed, one of the reasons for the midlife crisis is that the “impulsive brilliance” of youth requires great vitality. At least partly these are physical forces, but no one can maintain them indefinitely. At 35 or 40 years old, a person leading a busy life must change the pace of his life and not “exert himself” so much. Thus, the problem of diminishing physical strength inevitably arises in the life of a person of any profession. The main problems. Declining physical strength and attractiveness is one of the many problems that a person faces during the midlife crisis and after it. For those who relied on their physical attributes when they were younger, middle age can be a period of severe depression. Stories of handsome men and charming women fighting the ravages of time have become commonplace. The natural disaster of declining physical strength affects people in an unexpectedly wide range of professions. Many people remember with regret their ability to spend several days without sleep during their student years if an important matter required it. Many people simply complain that they start to get tired too often. Although a well-designed daily exercise program and an appropriate diet do work, most people in middle age begin to rely more and more on their “brains” rather than their “brawn.” They find new advantages in knowledge that accumulates life experience; they gain wisdom. The second major issue of midlife is sexuality. The average person exhibits some variation in interests, abilities and opportunities, especially as children grow older. Many people are amazed at how big a role sexuality played in their relationships when they were younger. On the other hand, we can see many examples of how a middle-aged man or woman continues to consider every person of the opposite sex as a potential sexual partner, interacting with him only in one dimension - “attraction-repulsion”, and people of the same sex are considered as "rivals". In more successful cases of maturity, other people are accepted as individuals, as potential friends. “Socialization” replaces “sexualization” in relationships with people, and these relationships often acquire “that depth of mutual understanding that the previous, more egocentric sexual orientation to a certain extent blocked” (Peck). Consent in middle age requires considerable flexibility. One important type of flexibility includes "the ability to changeemotional investment from person to person and from activity to activity.” Emotional flexibility is necessary, of course, at any age, but in middle age it becomes especially important as parents die and children grow up and leave home. The inability to engage emotionally with new people and new activities leads to the kind of stagnation that Erickson described. By stagnation, Erikson understood a state when a person stops growing and enriching himself and accepts the current reality as a given, which cannot be changed. In its most severe forms, stagnation manifests itself not only in humility before reality, but also in constant self-indulgence in everything. A person perceives himself as a small child who needs to be constantly pampered and comes to a feeling of complete inner emptiness. Another type of flexibility, which is also necessary for the successful achievement of maturity, is “spiritual flexibility.” There is a certain tendency among mature people to become increasingly rigid in their views and actions, to close their minds to new ideas. This mental rigidity must be overcome or it will develop into intolerance or bigotry. In addition, rigid attitudes lead to mistakes and an inability to perceive creative solutions to problems. Stabilization. Successful resolution of a midlife crisis usually involves a reformulation of goals within the framework of a more realistic and restrained point of view, an awareness of the limited time of every person's life. The spouse, friends and children become increasingly important, while the self is increasingly deprived of its exclusive position (Gould). There is an increasing tendency to be content with what we have and to think less about things that we will most likely never achieve. There is a clear tendency to feel one's own situation is quite satisfactory. All these changes mark the next stage of personality development, a period of “new stability” (Gould). The period of destructuring and separation is left behind: the general disintegration of the Person and identity, consciously supported and approved value priorities, self-images, dreams of the future, ideals. All this is put aside, and the liberation of the soul that resided in them opens the gate to the realm of psychological "swimming." Now an unknown, unclear path opens up before a person: he can no longer be guided by collective values, the ideals of his youth, or his old habits; he is overcome by an uneasy feeling of uncertainty in which direction he should go. A person in confusion and anxiety stands at some internal crossroads. Psychological functions and attitudes that may have guided them in the past now seem unconvincing. For many, the process of renewal that begins when they are faced with their illusions and decline in physical strength ultimately leads them to a calmer and even happier life. life. D. Hollis very interestingly and at the same time accurately and briefly defined the need for such an update: “If a person’s development is hampered by the previous value system, which deprives him of his strength, then this value system should be suffered, included in one’s conscious choice and lived.” Now Let us turn directly to the issue of midlife crisis in women (the definition was introduced into psychology by Eliot Jacques). Let's consider the most common manifestations of this period of life among representatives of the fair sex. It turns out that for men and women the concept of “middle age” in relation to the crisis familiar to us all can be different. For women, the most critical age point occurs around 30-35 years, and for men - at 40-45. Therefore, sometimes scientists distinguish two midlife crises - the thirty-year-old and the forty-year-old - the first can also occur in men, but more often manifests itself in women, and the second, on the contrary, is more characteristic of men, but can also be found in women. Reasons for this age differencebetween the sexes lie in the biological differences between the male and female body, and, accordingly, in the social norms formed on this basis.1. A woman's reproductive age is much shorter than that of a man. For this reason, both hormonal changes in the body and social conditions contribute to the collection of psychological states. You need to get married and have your first child before the age of 30, and plan your second one before the age of 40. For a man, this kind of framework is not physiologically determined and is not tied to social norms.2. At 30-35 years old, a woman can feel the fading of her youth, attractiveness, and beauty. A man, on the contrary, is able to feel the flourishing of his masculine strength, masculinity and attractiveness. There are women who are more family-oriented, and there are those for whom, like men, the main thing is their career, and family is important, but in second place after work. For women who are busy with husbands and children, as a rule, the family is a meaning-forming element; through children they find the meaning of their lives. Simply put, they have no time and no need to set goals and objectives. Getting ready for school, studying, getting married, raising grandchildren - tasks and goals find them themselves, and the midlife crisis passes unnoticed. But if such a woman’s children and husband are taken away (children have grown up and moved away, divorce from her husband, untimely death of a child or husband), then the crisis passes through like a difficult grieving process, and often you cannot get through it without the help of a specialist. For example, a woman who was initially career-oriented by her character and life aspirations, but was unable to realize herself due to the birth and upbringing of children, begins to experience problems with self-esteem, comparing herself with friends who were able to make a career and realize themselves professionally. plan. Seeing that by the age of 30, her peers occupy important positions, lead an intense life, go on vacation abroad, they have a certain reputation, they are seen as someone more than just a woman. In this version of the crisis, it is necessary to help the woman think about changing your life, deciding to make changes. The children have already become a little more independent (at least they have gone to school), which means you can devote time to your personal growth. Find a job, sign up for advanced training courses, start learning a foreign language. Setting new goals is the best way out of the crisis. If both work and family are important to a woman, then such a woman in the middle of her life evaluates herself on two counts, and, of course, is more critical of herself, because It is difficult to be an equally good specialist and a good mother and wife. Such a woman has a higher standard that she sets for herself, and therefore she experiences a midlife crisis violently and painfully. The most difficult version of the midlife crisis is usually experienced by women who do not have children. Children, especially for women, are an important confirmation that one has not lived one’s life in vain. Children can also justify some “shortcomings”, for example, not finishing college, because a child appeared, recovered after childbirth, etc. If there are no children, then the question always arises: for what did you live half your life, and for what to live next? So, a business woman who spent her entire youth fighting on corporate fronts, building her career, achieving professional victories, pushed the issue of having a child into the background. And for such a woman, the crisis is expressed in the fact that she begins to compare herself with her peers who have already realized themselves in motherhood. By the age of 33-35, many women have already given birth to one, or even two, or three children. And the awakened maternal instinct, the desire to give birth in a woman who was passionately engaged only in her career, becomes the cause of serious mental discord. She begins to understand that the years go by, but there is no child. And for a woman this is the most important thing. In this case, nature itself reminds her of a process that is natural for her - the birth of a child. Switching your life to a solutionThis question, having become a mother, a woman will be able to overcome her personal crisis. Rarely, but there is another option. There are women in whom the maternal instinct has never developed, and yet they are completely devoted to work and career. In this case, their midlife crisis is not much different from a man's. Unless they go on dizzying sprees, as men do, because they see the main reason for their failures as a loved one, their wife. Here the psychologist recommends trying to diversify your life, acquiring new hobbies - yoga, dancing, macrame club - what whatever you want, the main thing is that they help you get distracted and make it easier to endure a time of crisis. Also, you should not cool down your work ardor, because it is at this age that appointments to important positions and positions most often occur. And don’t forget about a positive attitude. Let’s summarize. Which women experience a particularly acute midlife crisis? a) Women who do not have children. b) Women who have untimely lost their children or husband. c) Self-critical, demanding women. d) Single women, because We find the meaning of our lives through other people. Not in other people, no, but through other people. Lonely people find themselves without support during a crisis. e) Those women who separated from their parents late, experienced the teenage crisis late and did not have time to realize their own goals and dreams. Next, we will consider the most striking manifestations of a midlife crisis in women, which help the psychologist to correctly identify the problem. a) a woman suddenly becomes overly irritable, begins to do everything the opposite, stops listening to loved ones and relatives, neglects relationships with friends; b) a woman who led an active lifestyle suddenly becomes depressed, she exhibits apathy and laziness. She stops doing basic and usual things; c) there are sudden mood swings. Energy and cheerfulness are instantly replaced by disappointment; d) the woman has the feeling that she has little time left, that she has lived more than she has left to live. A woman begins to evaluate her goals and achievements, life plans; e) the woman becomes dissatisfied, she stops liking her job, she is annoyed by her family and partner; f) a woman can leave her partner for a wealthier man in order to feel social and moral stability; g) a woman wants to feel younger, so she starts wearing youth clothes, gets a youth haircut, starts having fun like youth, her habits and tastes may change; h) a woman begins to feel that her attractiveness is disappearing, and she experiences changes in sexual activity; i) during this period, problems with alcohol may arise. Now it is worth considering the recommendations that psychologists give to women to overcome the midlife crisis and return to a full life. In the first place, according to many psychologists, is the advice not to bring yourself to chronic fatigue syndrome and overwork, since in such a state a midlife crisis certainly cannot be avoided. After all, irritability and fatigue are often its companions. Therefore, you should try to rest and relax more often. It’s better if it’s through active recreation. Trips to nature with the whole family or hiking, etc. The second recommendation is if you still don’t have a hobby, find one. Meet new people with whom you have similar interests, spend more time with friends, do what you love. Try to change your usual lifestyle. Third, analyze your attitude towards work. Do you like what you have to do? Do you receive a return from your work, both materially and in moral satisfaction? Does your work benefit anyone? How well are you coping with the assigned tasks? If the answers are mostly negative, think about it: maybe it’s time to find a more suitable option for yourself? Another recommendation!