Today I will continue to talk to you, dear parents, about the benefits of positive parenting, parenting with love. I was prompted to write this article by the memory of a nine-year-old girl who, in an individual lesson, once sadly said: “What do I need all these things, circles?” and telephones, but I just want my mother to be at home more often and for her and me to sit next to each other, hugging each other.” This girl often protested against the will of her mother and her desires; she did not want to go to clubs, for example. Because of this, frequent and strong conflicts arose between them, in the resolution of which the mother did not hesitate to resort to various kinds of “methods of educational influence” of a manipulative nature. As a result, the situation in the family became very difficult. In order to start raising a child in a positive way, to get to know the child better and learn to cooperate with him and communicate, you first need time, which modern parents don’t have much of. Therefore, it is important to clearly understand how to profitably spend this free time with your child and what your child actually needs. If you don’t know his needs, then you can mistakenly give him in excess what he doesn’t need at all, as in the example given above. In one European country they decided to conduct a fairly simple experiment to find out the needs of children and understand what they are need reality. The children were asked to write 2 letters for Christmas with their wishes: one for Santa Claus and the other for their parents. When the letters were written, they were given to parents to read and compare the contents. Parental surprise and amazement knew no bounds: in letters to Santa, children asked him for something material, while in letters to parents, children asked to play with them more often, kiss them goodnight, have picnics together, talk with them, spend more time and communicate. This simple pre-Christmas project showed that children need love, care, understanding and communication from their parents, and not countless things and toys, visiting “developmental” clubs, etc. Do you know exactly what your child wants? Do you know what he would write to you in such a Christmas wish? I think that in order to decide on such a “recognition” of your child, you and I need some courage and the ability to respect and accept our child, as well as him interests. You can always learn this. What should you do, where to start? Try to start devoting some of your time to communicating with your child. Do you want to object to me and say that all your time is devoted to the child?! Is this so? Yes, you show him care, care, take him here and there, constantly stay on the same territory with him - all this takes a lot of effort and time, I agree. But tell me, with all these worries, do you often take the time to have a heart-to-heart talk with your child about what is important to him, about what worries him, about his sincere desires and aspirations, about How can he simply live with you? You know, after all, such heart-to-heart conversations really oblige you and me not to use what the child said against him, not to remind him from time to time what he told you. They teach both us and him the ability to forgive, generosity and acceptance. They teach trust, they teach that there will always be someone in the world who will understand and help out of love, and not out of something else. If you nevertheless decide on such a manifestation of your sincere love and care, then begin your acquaintance with the child as a personality by asking him what event he remembers best. Most likely, he will tell you about how his dad took him on a sled, or how he was taught to ride a bicycle, how they read bedtime stories and hugged him before bed. I wonder what your child will tell you? And also, having decided to move on to such a relationship with your child, you should show patience and endurance. Why? Who knows, it is quite possible that you have already damaged your trust..