She followed on his heels like a tail. Like a little girl, she looked into her eyes. I looked into his mouth when he spoke. I listened to his stories and always supported him. He wondered: where does such love come from? But it was pleasant and captivating. Vera looked after him, and sometimes her behavior completely crossed the line. And at work, everyone was already looking at him and Vera with knowing smiles. And he had a wife and child. But how can you push away such a sweetheart? Even though he understood that they wouldn’t succeed in anything serious. He loved his wife, and he generally doted on his son, constantly talking about them and proudly showing photos... But one day, during a break, in a cafe, Vera sat down with him. And she began to do this... She was affectionate, affectionate, sweet, sweet, kind, kind. She took him by the hands, put her head on his shoulder, and asked him to talk about her life, about her thoughts. Vera took it upon herself to accompany him home from work. Then he began to accompany her. Mikhail did not understand what was happening. No girl had ever behaved like this with him. And it was necessary to stop all this... But she sat close to him, trustingly and directly put her head on his shoulder and sat happy - as if she didn’t need anything else in life. After some time, Vera began the habit of clinging to him quite openly, but with such sincere love that she had no strength to push her away. Then they started running together in the evenings. He talked and talked, and she listened, showing with all her appearance how much she liked what he said, constantly agreeing with him, giving him compliments. They exchanged text messages when they couldn’t be near each other - bright messages that they didn’t want to delete. He began to dream about Vera every night. Mikhail implicitly compared his wife to her, and after such amazing behavior of a stranger, in general, a girl, some of his wife’s escapades seemed completely unforgivable. Next to Vera, Mikhail constantly felt like a deity to whom a beautiful and intelligent priestess prayed. And next to his wife, he felt like a mere mortal - and not the best example of his kind. This caused an unambiguous reaction from him. He spent most of his time thinking about Vera and texting. The wife asked to remove her socks and take the dirty dishes to the sink... But Vera appeared, and he again found himself in the temple, on a golden throne, with wings and a shining halo. And below, at the foot of the throne, his follower stood and praised him. With all her appearance she showed that she loved her god and was inclining others to believe in him. Mikhail somewhere guessed that he was hooked on her like a drug. But it was the most wonderful drug in the world, which he enjoyed and did not want to give up. They started kissing, but it didn't come to sex yet. The kisses were gentle and careful. Mikhail was even proud that the basis of their relationship was not vulgar sex, but those complex philosophical ideas that he retold to her - and she understood him! He bathed in her love, and he had never felt so good in his life. And then a week ago something happened that almost made Mikhail go crazy. At first, Vera did not show up at work for three days and did not answer his calls or texts. And then she came... but it was a completely different girl. She looked at him coldly, accusingly and even contemptuously. She began to avoid him, and what’s worst was that she didn’t explain anything. She still did not answer calls, greeted with a barely noticeable nod of her head, looked at her with an icy gaze and walked past. Such treatment was unbearable for him. At night he tossed and turned without sleep and feverishly thought about how he could have offended her, what he had done wrong. The deity, cast into the abyss, suffered and looked for ways to return to the golden throne. Mikhail changed his mind a lot these days, consumed by anger, guilt and the desire to win back Vera’s favor. It was the second week of this nightmare, when he definitely realized that he could no longer resist, and decided that he was ready to do anything for her. – Vera, we need to talk! – We have nothing to talk about. – I understand everything,forgive me... - For what? I have nothing to forgive you for.” “I’m not a fool, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done what I did.” His words changed her face and for a second she became the same – his faithful follower. Adoration and love emerged through the accusations and resentment. He realized that his guesses were correct: “I want to get a divorce.” I don’t need anything now,” he took her hands and looked into her eyes. “Will you be with me?” “Yes,” she answered simply. And an expression flashed in her eyes that frightened Mikhail. Satisfaction, calculated triumph, mixed with slight contempt. But it only lasted a second. Then came a kiss and assurances of love. As usual, in eternal love, or, at least, until the grave. That year was perhaps the most difficult in Mikhail’s life. He never left his wife. I couldn't. He loved her and loved his son. Terrible trials then shook his entire being. What was that scene worth when the five-year-old son looked with an incomprehensible but deadened gaze at his father who was about to leave... The wife grew old in an instant and prepared to be strong. He was torn in two. One part was drawn to Vera, the other could not part with his wife. At the thought of abandoning his son, he wanted to disappear from the world and never appear again. Friends helped - they referred him to a psychologist. At first he ridiculed them and told them to go to hell. But for some reason he took the phone. When he started drinking, he called and made an appointment. The first meeting disappointed and offended him. The self-confident, impudent type tried to prove to him that Vera’s behavior was not love at all. The bastard wanted to assure him that Vera was only manipulating him and forcing him to run after her, using a dangerous destructive strategy. Mikhail slammed the door and went to suffer further, until one interesting thing happened. Vera, who again ignored and blamed him, was now doing the same trick with some strong and seemingly well-to-do man! Mikhail called him Macho. He saw them in the park, they went into a cafe, and then left in a car. Previously, he would have gone crazy with jealousy. And he only began to rush even more between his wife and Vera. But now Mikhail looked and realized that it seemed that the psychologist was right. She looked into the man’s mouth, listened attentively and with respect. Again the temple and the golden throne, but another, unfamiliar man was already sitting on it. Mikhail realized then that with poor Macho they were now performing a well-staged performance in which he was destined for the role of “caliph for an hour.” And this turned out to be true. Mikhail changed jobs, took a course of consultations with a psychologist, and after a few years he felt that everything in his life was gradually getting better. They were sitting in a cafe: Mikhail, his wife and child. Suddenly the door opened and Vera entered. She was followed by a stooped, depressed-looking man with a face swollen from heavy libations. He, like a doomed page, obligingly took off Vera’s coat and hung it on a hanger. Obeying her half-contemptuous look, he pushed back the chair, helped her sit down, and sat down himself. Mikhail hardly recognized in him the same strong-shouldered “macho” who so proudly and importantly accepted Vera’s “worship” several years ago. Mikhail’s eyes widened: My God, what has he turned into! What a blessing that it was not me in his place...Vera did not notice them and continued to speak imperiously and contemptuously with her downtrodden husband. The waiter approached them - she smiled at him with a gentle, meek smile. With respect and love, very respectfully, I asked him for something. The waiter blossomed, looked at her in surprise and probably felt that he was being elevated to a pedestal. Vera looked at him with an appraising glance and smiled admiringly. “Fear the Danaans who bring gifts,” Mikhail for some reason said this out loud and looked at his wife. She responded with the look of a woman who loves her man. This look was intended only for him and meant only one thing: I decided to stay with you forever. Structure of manipulation In this case, the manipulator “plays” on the polarity of behavior and attitude. The play begins withhe looks at the “object” with almost loving eyes. He catches every word with admiration. He agrees with everything. And then suddenly he changes course and becomes cold and contemptuous. There may be a reason, but in principle, this is not a mandatory element... And - whatever you can do to regain the affection of a person who once treated you with such warmth, such love... The manipulator thus, without realizing it, puts into the relationship is a “bomb”, and the first one is then undermined by it. Value: The value here is Love and Power. Sometimes the value is Money. This is if the manipulator also extorts money through his behavior. For example: first you suck up and get them hooked on you, and then you demand rich gifts. Or you immediately demand gifts. Like, there’s no point in relaxing here: if you want cupid, buy a lampshade. Manifestation Such great love arises that you can either stand or fall. I remember a phrase from the unforgettable film “Wedding in Malinovka”: Mykola, why am I so in love with you? However, for no apparent reason then comes the same great coldness and vindictive desire to torment the object of my recent worship. Dear readers, remember! If someone suddenly and asymmetrically cools off towards you, they are trying to get something out of you and are trying to push you somewhere. Belief-Prohibition Most likely the manipulator was brought up in a family where the following beliefs existed: “People obey if they feel guilty.” “People love if they feel guilty.” “People give money, feel guilty.” You understand that such beliefs lead to split personality and ultimately schizophrenia. Because of such beliefs, two directly opposite personalities are built in the human psyche, almost isolated from each other. A hanger-on and an accuser. It is much more effective to have other beliefs: “People love, support and help if they feel that there is a Leader next to them who knows exactly how to achieve a common goal.” Secondary benefit The child needs the attention and love of the parent. The parent runs away from him like a leper and refuses to give him loving attention. The child is angry, offended, nervous and besieged by the adult. Feels unwanted and unloved. Finally he falls, thrashes violently and cries loudly. The instinct to protect the offspring suppresses all the desires and activities of the Parent - he rushes to the child’s aid. Comforts him, takes care of him, hugs him, shows love. The child develops a habit of attracting attention in a negative way. But some children notice that if a fall or injury was the fault of a parent, the parent experiences a feeling of guilt and remorse - the effect of love and attention is prolonged and deepened. Well, for this purpose, you can beg for a toy that you really want, but they don’t just buy it. Naturally, the component of power is also present here. With such behavior, the child harshly forces the adult to do what he wants. More precisely, almost what he wants. Hook Oh, how did I live before I met you? Oh, the light of my eyes! Only you saved me from captivity of darkness and depression! You opened my eyes. Thanks to you... You are an unappreciated genius. You are the greatest of the greatest. And other laudatory nonsense and inappropriate behavior. Here you need to remember: the higher the pedestal they prepare for you, the more violently they will throw you off it. Well, the height of the fall correlates with the force of the impact on the ground... Uncle Newton spoke about this... Awareness Awareness comes either at the moment of worship, when the manipulator suddenly understands: am I going too far with praises? Or at the moment of being thrown off the pedestal: am I going overboard with accusations? If questions with such a structure come to your mind, think about what is happening in your life and where it can lead you. Profit Oh, how beautiful and wonderful! This nonentity runs after me like a beaten dog and humiliatingly wags its tail! This is approximately what profit looks like - as a result of this manipulation, dangerous for one’s own health and psyche. First, the manipulator runs like a dog after the object of manipulation, then vice versa... This is such a doglike