From the author: Take a course for a lucky beginner... It is as necessary as having at least a school education “What we fear most is not that we are inadequate. We are afraid that we have immeasurable power. It is the light, not the dark, side of our nature that frightens us. We ask ourselves: “Who am I to be brilliant, brilliant, talented, amazing? But why shouldn’t you be? After all, you are a child of God. Wasting your time on trifles will not bring any benefit to this world. Avoidance is unwise because people around you don't want to feel insecure. We are all meant to shine like children. We are born to radiate the radiance of God that lives within us. It is not in some, but in each of us. By turning on our own light, we subconsciously give permission for others to do the same. When we are freed from fear, our presence automatically makes it possible for other people to be free.” Marianne Williamson (quoted by Nelson Mandell) Preface. When you were little, you were read a fairy tale about the steadfast tin soldier. Probably, my friend, you really liked the little steadfast tin soldier, and you wanted to be like him... And I want to tell you the story of the Iron Flag. This is a very real story, and I know several people who could confirm the veracity of this story. When the Iron Flag was still a child, he, like every child on our Planet, really needed the love of his parents. He loved his mom and his dad and his brothers and sisters very much. His parents loved him too. But they were especially happy, as Iron Flag noted (and he was very good at noticing everything), when Flag demonstrated his talents, was successful, and this distinguished him favorably from the children of his neighbors and acquaintances. And, since Flag loved his loved ones very much, he decided that he should please them with his successes as often as possible. At first everything was just fine: Flag tried his best. He watched with delight how his loved ones rejoiced when he achieved some special results. And at these moments of his life, he felt that he was loved. But no matter what good happens in our lives, if this good happens too often, then they get used to it and begin to think that there is nothing particularly good in what is happening - it’s just that there should be. This is what happened in our history. Some time passed and everyone got used to the fact that the Flag is constantly giving its best and is often successful. And the day came when loved ones stopped rejoicing at Flag’s successes, as they began to consider this the norm, but began to express their displeasure when Flag did not receive any special results. Sensitive Flag quickly realized that he no longer pleased those people whom he loved most in the world, but rather saddened them. And he began to try even harder. But success no longer came as easily as it did in the beginning: after all, the higher we raise the bar for our results, the more resources we need to get the desired result. At times Flag did not have enough resources (after all, he had long ago raised his bar above that of most of his peers!), and he felt that he was powerless to show his love for loved ones. At this moment, he began to feel unloved and, most importantly, unworthy of being loved. And then Flag made the first main conclusion in his life: they love the perfect. I must not have weaknesses, I must be perfect and then I will be worthy of love and loved. As you can see, my friend, everything in this life happens because of love. Each of us is looking for love, and the path to it we choose largely determines what we will do in this life. This first main conclusion in Flag’s life largely determined the character of Flag, and how his relationships with others developed people, and among which people he was looking for his soul mate. And then the events in Flag’s life developed as follows: very soon he realized that if he wants to be perfect, thenhe needs to protect himself very reliably from his feelings. After all, feelings cannot lead to perfection. On the contrary, feelings make a person vulnerable, weak, and pliable. By giving in to your feelings, you can do something that will cause laughter and misunderstanding from others. What perfection this is! Only RATIO, only RATIO can lead to perfection in everything. This means that feelings need to be safely hidden, locked away so that they don’t interfere. And so he hid his joy, and his pain, and his despair, and his own desires, and... the opportunity to love. Because love is the most important thing, a feeling that makes you vulnerable! And now, when Flag was asked: “Please tell me, do you feel joy (pain, sadness)?”, Flag answered: “Yes, I THINK I FEEL!” or “No, I THINK I DON’T FEEL!” Very often Flag felt lonely (each of us has our own reasons for feeling lonely). Every time he thought: “I have achieved little in life and therefore I am very lonely.” And it didn’t matter whether he was really lonely, or whether he just THOUGHT he was lonely. There were also situations in his life when there were people next to him who loved him very much and were ready to share everything with him, no matter what happened to him, but he DIDN’T NOTICE them and continued to think that he was lonely. Despite his amazing sensitivity , he did not notice much that was happening around him. And no wonder: after all, the lion’s share of attention and effort was spent on keeping feelings in check and being guided exclusively by RATIO in their actions. His ability to concentrate his attention on the task at hand would be the envy of many “less concentrated” people! But the very phenomenon of concentration presupposes that the ray of attention is concentrated on that little that is held in its focus, to the detriment of everything else. Then the “rest” remains invisible. This is what happened with Flag: the decision to be perfect directed all his attention inside himself and created an invisible world around him. He couldn't see what was happening around him, but he had strong ideas about what SHOULD be happening. According to these ideas, Flag developed a set of rules of conduct, which he tried to strictly follow. And, if suddenly this unpredictable world suddenly burst into the ordered world of my Flag, the Flag would lose orientation for some time and fall out of the rut. When this happened to him, he became very confused and ANGRY. He got angry every time he found himself imperfect in his own eyes. And since each of us is imperfect quite often, because... We are all imperfect by nature, then Flag had to experience anger very often. He was angry at others and at the world, which made him feel that the Flag did not meet the requirements for himself that he had set for himself, he was angry at himself for his weakness. He was angry with himself for even being angry, i.e. gives in to feeling. Oh, again this is imperfection! But although Flag decided to put an end to feelings forever, he never stopped dreaming of love for a minute. He simply needed this love. After all, it was for her sake that he made such a difficult decision - to be perfect. But only love for Flag became more an opportunity to be loved than an opportunity to experience the feeling of love himself. Therefore, he was looking for a partner, asking the question “does this person love me as much as I want (read, how do I deserve it)”, and not the question “what feelings do I have towards this person.” But love, like everything else, has to be paid for. And you know, my friend, that love can only truly be paid for with reciprocal love. But Flag cannot afford to do this, because then he would break his own promise to freeze his feelings forever. And he pays with the word “should.” He chains himself to the person to whom he has given the right to love himself with the word “should.” You noticed, my friend, that I said the words “gave me the right to love,” and not just “loved.” Give the rightallowing someone to love him is so natural for Flag. After all, the second rule of the Flag, derived from the first: THE WHOLE WORLD IS UNDER CONTROL! If you don't keep the world under control, the world will simply become unpredictable. And the set of rules created by Flag is simply not enough to regulate all situations that arise. And then again there is confusion, confusion, and this is the most imperfect imperfection! How does he want to be loved? Just like in childhood: showing him his perfection. By showing his complete defenselessness in the absence of the Flag, the one whom the Flag allowed to love him shows the Flag his “true” worth. “Yes, I am valuable, because the well-being, health, life of this person depends on me,” this is what the Flag receives in love. In a love relationship, it is important for Flag that he is the one who makes the decisions, he takes care of the other, he manages the life of the other person. Without a sense of power over another, there is no love for Flag. After all, this is natural: the whole world is under control - I am perfect - which means I control the world. It would seem that the Flag makes the other completely dependent on itself. To some extent this is true. But the Flag itself becomes even more dependent on the other. After all, Flag needs someone else in order to feel valuable. If a love relationship does not work out, Flag not only feels his imperfection, he simply ceases to exist for himself! Our Flag has experienced in his own skin everything that I am telling you about. Believe me, it was very difficult for him. He firmly adhered to his rules, but he could not shake the feeling that he was doing something wrong. Yes, the feeling never left him. If your feelings leave you, it means that you are already a corpse. THE FEELING DIDN’T LEAVE him, he simply turned off the sound, and visibility, and sensations, and pretended to live without feelings. And also this voice inside... A voice so familiar from childhood! He talks and talks and talks, never stopping for a minute. He comments on every step, every little thing, he points out that you could have done better, but didn’t... How could you do this... You... And I was thinking... And you.. And just when.. Unfortunately, this voice executes more than it mercifully. If only Flag had thought of teaching his voice to tell him what Flag does best, what he is good at, and what else he needs to practice! If only you could teach your voice to support Flag in difficult times, this voice would have no price! If the voice had spoken differently: “here, look, Flag,” the voice would have said, “you’re great, you’re great at this and that, but here you just need a little bit... and you’re great at deal with your feelings, and therefore you don’t need to lock them in a special compartment. After all, they are your friends! And in general, all of us - both I, the voice, and they, the feelings - are YOURS, i.e. you are our master. So, we will be happy to obey you, just don’t hide from us, just let us open up!” This story repeats itself over and over again, because there are thousands and millions of Iron Flags in the world, and maybe you are one of them, and each of them is perfect in their own way, and each of them really wants to be happy, i.e. FEEL your happiness. And to do this, you need to make friends with feelings, discover your feelings within yourself and love them. We must accept our human imperfection and think that each of us is so perfect that, despite all our imperfections, we can control ourselves and our thoughts and our feelings, and manifest ourselves in this unpredictable world, and create for ourselves both happiness and unhappiness, both victory and defeat. Each of us does this every day throughout our lives! And our Iron Flag went to school. And it happened as follows. A long-held feeling of dissatisfaction with one’s own life inside one fine day came to the surface and appeared before the Flag in all its glory. It was so huge and inexorable that Flag had no choice but to acknowledge its existence. " What.