In this article we will talk about another, extremely destructive manipulation. As everyone understands, even without our additional explanations, the manipulator depicts his action in order to get some - some benefit. Usually what is a benefit is a tasty morsel for him. The other side - the object of manipulation - either does not want to share this piece, or for him participation in the manipulation in his role is losing for other reasons. It is for this damage that he then rewards the manipulator what he deserves. We are talking about actions that one did not want to perform, about the loss of freedom of choice and will, about getting stuck in someone else's fate, etc. But there is also a form of manipulative behavior that threatens the very life of the object of manipulation. Luda stood at the window and looked at the birch trees, from which the leaves had already begun to fly away. Gray day, yellow leaves, bored at home, no energy. We need to prepare dinner, Vadim will come soon. He will be hungry and angry, and will start swearing again. Lyuda frowned: how tired she was already of this swearing and the ensuing melancholy... She peeled the potatoes and put them on the stove. Stewed chicken was already simmering in the frying pan. At that moment the phone rang. Lyudina’s mother was interested in how she was doing. We talked. “Okay, mom, I’ll go,” Lyuda hurried, hearing the sound of a key turning in the lock. - Vadim has come. - Well, come on... Mom, it seemed, Vadim’s presence in her life was always annoying. Lyuda diligently pretended not to notice this. “Hello, darling!” “Hello, sunshine!” Is there anything to eat? - Yes... At that moment Lyuda heard a hissing coming from the kitchen. - Oh! Now...The chicken is burnt. Not that it was fatal, but dinner was already ruined. Luda cringed internally, anticipating a thunderstorm. “Again?!” Lord, how tired are you, what do you even think?! Vadim came into the kitchen, and the smell of burnt food, already familiar to him, hit his nose. “Mother, why am I forced to live with a woman who can’t even eat?” cook?! Let you earn money, and I’ll stand at the stove, at least I’ll eat normally... Vadim was seething inside with anger, and he almost didn’t hear his wife’s apologies. They ate potatoes, Vadim pointedly refused chicken. “Why not water?” – he asked coldly, putting on the kettle. “We won’t drink this red stuff from the tap.” “I ordered it, but for some reason they didn’t deliver it,” Luda began to justify herself. - They'll probably come later... Do you want me to go get a five-liter bottle? - Go. And take some sausage. Something that doesn't need to be fried. – Vadim emphasized the last word. Lyuda quickly got ready and ran to the store. She really wanted to make amends to her husband. Luckily, the store was not far, only half a block. She took water, sausage, cheese, dumplings, vegetables for salad, more bread, milk, rice to make pilaf for tomorrow... I really wanted to please my husband with something else, but Luda didn’t dare take a watermelon, she took a couple lemons - for homemade lemonade. She walked home and was very proud of herself: what a great fellow she was, so strong, not like all the glamorous Fifas who walk in heels and are completely unsuited to life without outside help. And Vadim always praised her independence... Seeing the table filled with food, Vadim completely walked away and patted Lyuda on the stomach approvingly. Over the large, round, eight-month pregnancy belly. When it comes to this manipulation, it’s no longer a laughing matter: the stakes are too high. The struggle is not for life, but for death, as they say. Unfortunately, many families in Russia are affected by such an infection (to put it mildly - and sorry for the rudeness). Most often, women brew porridge. Yes, yes, fragile, gentle creatures, givers of life, much more often than representatives of the stronger sex, strive to bring their faithful to the grave. True, husbands very quickly begin to take revenge for such injustice, and also undermine women’s health. Someone escapes (and thus avoids the unpleasant fate of premature death), someonelends itself to manipulation, someone becomes a widow. Who wins? Nobody. ValueThis manipulation is usually based on three values. The first of them is power. How many times are we talking about power? Even without knowing the answer to this question, we can judge how blocked this value is in our society. The second is freedom. Yes, yes, something so amazing and beautiful can push (being twisted or misinterpreted) people to do the most shameful things. The third value is justice. This is true both when one starts an “evil game” and when the other continues it out of revenge. Prohibition belief “A man must be obedient and weak” (it is also: “A woman must be obedient and weak”). Here we must understand that if all people thought so, then humanity would have died out at the dawn of its development. Mammoths, tigers, cold winters and difficulties in childbearing would defeat us. And we survived thanks to our strength, male and female. And don’t underestimate it - both in yourself and in others. “A man must die” / “A woman must die.” It reminds me of the name of something other than a drama - an action movie or a thriller. But people live with this in their heads... Unfortunately, often this belief does not even become conscious, but lies deep, deep in the unconscious and from there corrects our path in life. It is often inherited by people who lost one of their parents in childhood and adolescence. Then the fact “a person of a certain sex dies earlier than a person of the other sex” fits into his internal picture of the world as a given. And hello... “Either you are his, or he is you” (well, and an option for the other gender). Hello to the participants in the eternal competition with their closest people for the right to live... Here you need to understand that what matters is not who will defeat and surpass whom, but that the team always wins, and the ability to cooperate means much more than the ability to compete. Yes, and according to statistics, single people live shorter lives than those who are married. “To be free, you need to be single.” Wonderful. If I get divorced or become a widow, I’ll live... I’ll see the world, I’ll learn a new profession, I’ll enjoy every day of my life. No matter how it is. The habit of postponing life until “the day after tomorrow” (i.e. for the time following some event) remains with a person if you do not specifically work with it. And by the way, if loneliness is such a raspberry, then why do people howl so much about it? Rather than striving for loneliness in the name of (ephemeral) freedom, it is better to be able to be free where you are, and with those where you are. There is much more happiness in this than in emptiness. “Men need to take revenge” / “Women need to take revenge.” Oh, this is actually a classic of the genre. Let's say a baby grows up in an environment where: 1) dad offends mom; 2) mom hurts dad. And he’s so hurt, so offended by the frightening and incomprehensible thing that’s happening and that he can’t change as a child, that he decides: okay, I’m still little, but when I grow up, and then you’ll dance with me... He’s growing up, yes. Finds an object for revenge of the desired gender. And he goes to take revenge for the insults covered with cobwebs and mold... Manifestation Manipulation manifests itself as a constant desire to keep the partner in suspense. The desire, by the way, may be unconscious, but the result is obvious. The manipulator constantly creates scandals and scandals, irritates the partner this way and that, comes up with new and new tasks for him - and sets them at a time when the person is especially busy (especially with something important to himself). And you can’t rely on a manipulator. A man cannot count on a timely prepared dinner, a woman cannot count on the money needed to run the household or to get herself in order. That is, he can count, but it’s not a fact that he will get it this time... The result is tension, a feeling of uncertainty, anger, in general, nerves. And that’s all the manipulator needs... What is important, the manipulator cannot calmly endure those moments when his partner (the object of manipulation) is successful, healthy and feels good. The husband tells his wife that he has completely recovered - and she becomes sad. The wife buys a dress that suits her very well, and her husband buys his