From the author: About socially disapproved feelings and what they are for us. May fans of the #tyzhpsychologist tag forgive me, I will now talk about feelings, and, what’s even worse, about my own feelings, which By definition, many psychologists “should not” experience, because they are not living beings of the “human” species, but trained robots who know how to “correctly” (restrainedly) react to any stressful situations. Once a colleague asked me why I write about my personal things online, how this will affect my image, and so on... I was young then) And I decided, indeed, image, I need to keep my “face” and be “correct” a reserved psychologist.” Since then, thank God, I have lived another piece of life... To hell with the image!!! How could I be close to a person experiencing the loss of a loved one, help him find support in life, without feeling grief, without knowing for myself , how hard and painful it is? How could I support a client who has gone through the rejection of a loved one, not knowing how much it destroys you completely? How would I see where the beginning of the story of fear is, having never been afraid of anything? How could I help someone else free himself from irritation and anger, knowing only from textbooks what they look like? How could I understand the causes of family conflict, having never gone through such an experience? No way... so to hell with the image of a “tyzhpsychologist”! I am a human being. And a psychologist. Alive. And all living things always FEEL! 24 hours a day. And they live thanks to feelings. And we need all (ABSOLUTELY) feelings for something!!! Even those that are considered bad and unnecessary in our society. Fear - for recognizing danger and self-preservation. Sadness - for accepting reality and development, for accumulating strength and resources. Anger - for understanding that some of our needs are not being satisfied and for protection their “territory”. Therefore, to hell with the phrases “must always be brave”, “must always be kind”, “must be good boys and girls”, “the brave are not afraid”, and “the good are not angry”, to hell with “should” , friends and readers!!! Don’t torment yourself with these phrases, don’t traumatize your children with them! It’s impossible to fulfill these “musts” as much as you can’t stop feeling!!! It was a preface, long and emotional, because I really want to see living people around , living children, feeling... and I myself want to LIVE and FEEL everything that is given by wise nature. And to be yourself, and not to meet... expectations, image, invented standards... And I see wounded children every day, sometimes they are only 120 cm in height, but more often they reach me in the shell of a 30-40-year-old body... and they also do not dare to be afraid, be sad, angry. And we spend a lot of time just learning to feel. So as not to express unpleasant feelings as a symptom, but in a legal, natural way. In this place I’m sad... And anger, the awareness of which forced me to sit down at two o’clock in the morning at my laptop and all this write, it became smaller... And I became calmer, not because I suppressed it, but because I allowed it to be, I allowed myself to feel it. Amazing. After 15 years, I realized that I was very angry. I am angry at the person who rejected me, so wonderful, smart, beautiful. I had every right not to love, not to want, he is free and he has his own feelings. They simply didn’t meet mine. But my anger is natural and good. After all, it’s so human to get angry when you push away, but you so want to get closer, to give love, warmth and tenderness, and in response “thank you, no need”... And I masked it so carefully with explanations, I didn’t allow myself this anger. And when I allowed it, it immediately became easier, and it decreased. Such are the paradoxes of the existence of our psyche. You can learn to feel. Even if once, when it was very painful, you taught yourself not to feel in order to survive. You can learn to feel. In order to so that life is filled with bright colors. You can learn to feel. After all, our children also want to live and feel. And we will give them a chance only if we feel it ourselves. Or, not knowing how to do it ourselves, we will forbid them. Then this story will continue in others!