From the author: Many people believe that negative feelings need to be dealt with and somehow get rid of them. However, this is not the best way to emotionally self-regulate. How to deal with your feelings? Source - Many people believe that negative feelings need to be fought and somehow gotten rid of them. Noticing a negative emotion, a person with such a conviction tries to do something to avoid experiencing it. Sometimes he does this more or less consciously, turning his attention to something else. But often, escaping from one’s feelings occurs automatically, without control from consciousness - the protective mechanisms of the psyche are activated. In fact, methods of self-elimination from one’s feelings help not to be in contact with them, but the feelings themselves do not disappear anywhere, being only expelled into the unconscious part of the psyche. Negative feelings living in the unconscious pose a danger to a person's psychological well-being. Firstly, it takes a lot of energy to keep this feeling in the unconscious zone, and secondly, an intense negative feeling that a person does not experience can reveal itself in the occurrence of various kinds of psychosomatic diseases. In addition, unconscious negative feelings can control a person's behavior. And vice versa, awareness of your feelings helps you correctly navigate the situation and make the right decision. Therefore, running away from experiences is not the best option. Why does it often seem easier to get rid of a negative emotional state than to live through it? This is due to the fact that many people simply do not have the skill to deal with their feelings. Just as parents teach a child to brush his teeth and hold a spoon, they also, by their own example, teach him to deal with his feelings. Unfortunately, very often, when a child is upset, worried or angry about something, parents brush him off, tell him: “Stop acting like that / stop crying / you’re not little anymore / boys don’t cry,” thereby sending the message: “ I don’t need you, who is going through this. I don’t know what to do with you like this.” And it is not surprising that as an adult, a person begins to relate to himself and his experiences in the same way. Another reason for running away from feelings is a lack of coping skills, that is, behavior aimed at changing the problem situation. Not knowing how to solve a problem that brings negative feelings, a person, instead of finding a way out of the situation or adapting to it, simply fences himself off from his feelings. So, how to deal with your negative feelings? Don’t try to get rid of them, instead , just acknowledge their presence. Allow yourself to experience them. Provide yourself with emotional support, sympathize with yourself. Perform physical exercises that relieve stress. Analyze the cause of the emotion - did it arise to a greater extent as a result of some internal process or, rather, under the influence of external circumstances? Simply consciously experiencing a negative emotion contributes to a gradual decrease in its intensity, its living. If the negative emotions of anger, guilt, anxiety or sadness are chronic, this is a reason to seek psychological help. If the feelings are associated with external events, then think about what you can do in this situation. In some cases we have the ability to influence circumstances, in some situations we can only adapt. It is necessary to develop coping skills if you want to help yourself be in touch with your feelings. It is impossible to quickly learn to be aware of all your feelings; mental defense mechanisms work at an unconscious level and it is very difficult to bypass them all. You need to develop your awareness and ability to self-regulate gradually through self-observation.