Is there a clear answer to why people get married? When we start a family, we have many different expectations: to solve financial worries, to have a loved one nearby, to feel his support, love, to have children, and sometimes even to have the status of a married woman (married man). And, if we expect marriage to solve many problems, then is it worth waiting for a “spark” or should we make the choice of a partner consciously, according to calculation? On the one hand, at school we read with bated breath about the “burning, tender, deep feeling” and about the joyful skipping of the heart in the works of our classics, on the other hand, we absorbed Western pragmatism and focused on growing needs. How often during consultations have I heard from young girls: “I want to get married and not think about anything!” Such a woman is usually focused only on relationships; she views marriage as the only important part of life, to which she is ready to devote herself entirely. But at the same time, she loses herself, her individuality, her whole life turns into an attempt to merge with her husband: she exercises constant control over him - where he is, with whom he communicates, who calls him, writes to him, she is possessed by the fear of losing him, she does not think about life without him. And the more she tries to merge with him in feelings, desires, opinions, the further she moves away from herself and the less she is able to be interesting and attractive to her husband, since a woman in such a relationship becomes an appendage of her husband, and this has nothing to do with a full, autonomous person and a healthy marital relationship. On the other hand, marriage can be functional and act as an area of ​​mutual understanding, growth, support and development for spouses. In such relationships, spouses do not try to complete themselves with the help of each other, do not achieve fusion in the relationship, they know how to be autonomous, independent, know how to build a dialogue, are not afraid of conflicts, because they know how to constructively convey to the partner the essence of the problem and find a solution that is comfortable for both. Moreover, every successfully resolved conflict strengthens relationships, promotes trust, openness, mutual respect and security. In such relationships, spouses do not control each other, do not limit each other, maintain their independence, are ready to cooperate with each other, do not strive for competition, rather contribute to each other’s development both professionally and personally. In order to maintain such a relationship, it is important to keep the distance between spouses dynamic, that is, drawing closer and further away occurs naturally, depending on the circumstances. In a close relationship, the distance is first sharply reduced by the spouses, they feel “cramped”, “difficult to breathe” - but it is difficult to be in such closeness for a long time and then one of the spouses unknowingly provokes a quarrel. Here the distance increases sharply, which is also not comfortable, because the sense of togetherness and security of the relationship is lost, as a result, the spouses walk in this vicious circle, are subjected to emotional swings, their relationship looks unstable to them and they are often in doubt whether everything is going well for them Okay. So, to have a healthy marital relationship, both love and calculation are probably important. The calculation in this case consists of an adequate assessment of whether it is comfortable with this person, whether it is possible to build a dialogue with him, what the partner’s expectations from the relationship are, what is valuable to him, whether he knows how to speak openly about his needs. Marriage is a joint creation, so I invite you to discuss, experiment, find new original solutions and just be happy. If you have any questions, I will be glad to schedule you for a consultation by phone. 9169708131 Marina P.S. If I don’t answer the phone, it means I have a consultation and you can write me a message, indicate your preferences for the time and day of the week for the appointment, I will answer as soon as I’m free.