He is 40 years old. Mom loved him only when he chose her side, her point of view and corresponded to her ideas about a good son. He always knew and felt what had to be done so that she would look at him with satisfaction and admiration, and for him this was her love. The difficulties began when he was simply unable to meet her expectations. For example, becoming the best student in the class. The solution was in various ways to avoid such situations - I was not the best student, because I contracted a long-term infection and was injured. But despite this, I go in for sports. But there was a situation from which he simply could not find a way out. In her conflicts and quarrels with his father, the mother put her son before a choice - either me or your father. If you choose your father and take his side, then you lose me. The choice was “inhuman,” and besides, it was obvious to her son that her accusations against her father did not always correspond to reality. And he learned to “fly away” - not to see, not to hear, to remain silent. And one day he nevertheless took his father’s side and did not agree with her. This was when his mother decided to divorce his father, accusing him of cheating. And the mother rejected her son. I didn’t forgive him for this. They did not communicate for several years, then, through the efforts of close people, they reconciled. He was an adult, lived away from his mother, and it was easy to meet his mother’s expectations. She was proud of him and admired him - and for him this was her love. He came to me complaining that his relationship with his wife had gone wrong. According to him, he gave all of himself to her, tried his best, but she doesn’t appreciate him and is even going to get a divorce. In our work with him, it gradually becomes obvious to him that his deepest desire is to receive love for him for who he is. But the wife sees him as a man who humiliates her all the time, does not listen to her desires, who is cold and closed, who does not want to agree on anything, never admits his mistakes, and is also angry at any of her attempts to agree on anything. or clarify the relationship. He demands and demands unconditional love from her and seems to be testing it: look, I did such an act (for example, I didn’t warn you that I was late and came in the morning) - and you must accept me like this, otherwise you don’t love me! Otherwise you are a bad wife and a defective woman. Here's the story. About how throughout our lives, in relationships with other people, we try to resolve those situations that traumatized us in childhood. And we can’t do this in any way - because this is already a relationship with other people, because unconsciously we seem to be “rewriting” the new situation as the one that once existed - and we don’t see reality. Because we carry pathological mechanisms within us that attract certain situations and people to us, which will help us play the same game, and again become disappointed and relive the old trauma. He cries with resentment when talking about his mother. A man who has hardly ever shed a tear in his entire adult life. He says he has never told anyone about this, and should he? What's the point of this? I listen to him, my heart is filled with sympathy and tenderness. I say I understand and I know how much it hurts. He leaves “warmer”, relaxed, smiling at me goodbye. We still have more than one meeting ahead of us - but what happened today is, in my opinion, his breakthrough! To your real self, to your true feelings and desires! And the old trauma, which was touched upon in the presence of an attentive and understanding other, begins to reduce its severity, allowing the soul to heal and find peace.