Close relationships are not easy. People who maintain a family for years are not some lucky ones. They go through all the same fire, water and copper pipes as others, but do not turn away. (This does not mean that you need to hold on to any difficult relationship. There is no place for violence in a relationship, for example. But this is another topic) When the romantic subsides the flair provided by evolution for the birth and preservation of offspring in its most helpless period, everyday life and routine sets in. Everyday life, where there is less and less novelty and more predictability, but the partner’s personality often begins to present unpleasant surprises as if it were a different person. Was he/she replaced? It would seem that this is the same loved one with whom you could talk about everything in the world, which he understood without words, only by look, with which there was so much in common, among which the main thing is the delight of being together and the impossibility of being separated for a minute. What has changed? Under the influence of the hormones of love, we perceive our partner and the world in the rainbow light of idealization . But everything in nature requires balance, and the pendulum, strongly tilted towards euphoria, returns to the other extreme - rejection, disgust and rejection. We're starting to see the other side of the coin. Did you used to love the way he smacked his plump lips while devouring the breakfast you prepared? And today you are annoyed by this blatantly obscene slurping. Yesterday he paid you so much attention, called you every evening, and today he is so intrusive that you can’t breathe, or, on the contrary, he plays his games without noticing you. Hey, where is my boyfriend? - you are indignant. He is also confused by the changes in you. It turns out that you don’t always flutter like a butterfly on a wave of love for the whole world and are angry, tired, sad, dissatisfied. And he doesn’t know what to do with you like that. Or, on the contrary, your exaggerated rose-colored glasses have hurt his eyes and ears - after all, next to a person who sees reality exclusively in bright colors, you have to solve all common problems on your own, because for you “the main thing is harmony in the soul.” There are countless options for surprises and discrepancies . Share yours. So, unable to withstand strong changes, we raise the anchor and, with spread sails, are carried away to the land of dreams about an ideal partner, because this one “doesn’t fit,” and then everything repeats itself. Sound familiar? Have you encountered this? What helps other couples stay together for many years of life and at the same time not live in different apartments or “she’s in the city, I’m in the country; we change in the summer”? Avoid adding to the divorce statistics and successfully cope with all the difficulties of close relationships. Interesting? Tell me? Let me know that the topic is useful. Please me with a like and a comment. Child psychologist Yulia Shapkina