Betrayal is painful. Always. And it is painful precisely because it almost physically breaks those spiritual ties between spouses, trust and love without which is almost impossible. Contrary to popular belief, a sufficient number of men who have cheated significantly feel their guilt, regarding their own infidelity as a betrayal. But each of them copes with this guilt in their own way. And if the former strive with all their might to hide the very fact of this act, then the latter begin to torment themselves with thoughts of repenting to their spouse, at the same time being afraid of losing her forever. Of course, there are those for whom betrayal is just “adventures of a male to the left” that raise already high self-esteem, but this is almost a character trait that can only be come to terms with. What, besides even short-term irresponsibility, pushes a man to cheat ? As a rule, the most common form of betrayal is an almost spontaneous attempt by an “experienced husband” to change his established role in life, which has become insipid and tasteless for him, to something new and exciting. It is as if he suddenly gives himself the right to live in some other reality, which he so lacks in his long-established family relationships. Such betrayal may turn out to be “one-time”; it is more likely to be “betrayal of a relationship” than “betrayal of one’s own wife.” It is in such cases that we manage to restore relationships in the family, over time returning to them the original “fire” and tenderness of the spouses towards each other. Yes, with a psychologist, yes, not right away, but it works. It’s more difficult when betrayal becomes something conscious and deliberate, when the so-called places, passwords and appearances are prepared in advance. This is “cheating on your wife” in its purest form. This is where the desire appears to replace one person, who has become uninteresting in all plans, with another, with whom everything is new, and therefore different. At the same time, it may seem to a man that now he has truly found his own, that the whole past was a mistake, which he is correcting. For a wife who finds out about such betrayal and feels betrayed and humiliated, this situation is most painful. This is where hatred arises, mixed with resentment and pain for the person whom she, as often happens, still loves. It is precisely such situations that drag on for many months, or even years, without giving anyone involved the opportunity to become happy. Of course, betrayal is one of the good reasons for divorce. To learn how to go through the stages of divorce in a minimally traumatic way, see the article “How to survive a divorce or four trials for a divorcing couple.” And yet, even betrayal can be survived, having found marital happiness again. If for a man betrayal is often the superficial physical side of a relationship “on the side” (a necessary tautology), then for a woman such a connection is more emotional and deeper. That is why the betrayal of a beloved man is so traumatic for a woman. This is where the question “For what?” begins. What did I do wrong to you?”, to which there is almost no answer. It doesn’t exist because a man cheats not even on his wife, but on his relationship with his wife, for which he, even forgetting about it, bears his male responsibility. This means that it is not the husband who needs to be returned, but those relationships of mutual trust and acceptance that will become the basis of “rebooted” love. At the first stage, both spouses need to cope with those destructive emotions that can cause harm even greater than the betrayal itself. At the same time, negative emotions and feelings must be lived through and left behind, since in your future together they will become the main obstacle, time after time returning you to a state of pain and resentment. When all the “negativity” on both sides is thrown out (preferably, without prejudice to children, parents of both spouses and other caring people), it makes sense to change the painful question that pulls back into the past, “Why did this happen to me?”, to a more reasonable and constructive one, aimed at the future - “Why did this happen with us?". And here spouses can see a whole range of unresolved.