In the minds of most people, aggression is manifested in cruelty, unfriendliness and hostility, affects of anger, disgust, hatred, anger and revenge aimed at causing damage. But aggression does not always mean violence, hostility, cruelty, or pain. In the tradition of the Gestalt approach, compare aggressio - from Latin “attack” - with ad-gressere - movement “towards”, pro-gressere - movement towards the new, re-gressere - go from the new, egredere - receive. All our communication patterns come from childhood. Development and growth are determined by the way we reach for something, cling to something, hold, grab, bite, chew, push away, thereby providing the experience of curiosity and interest, pleasure or expressing displeasure (based on materials from Rezeda Popova’s work shop , dedicated to the works of Ruella Frank). A granddaughter, whom I have not seen for a long time, comes up to me, hides behind her mother, having become a little bolder, comes closer and hits me in the leg several times. She smiles, I smile too. I take her in my arms. She tries to put my head into her mouth with a smile, along with her glasses and beard. Then he decides to take care of the glasses separately, biting his beard and cheek. She is at that age when everything needs to be grabbed with her hands or placed in her mouth (Perls's stage of oral aggression). I understand that this is her way of deconstructing, destroying, chewing, exploring the world by putting it inside herself. If we understand aggression in the context of “approaching - moving away from,” then it turns into the main force of human communication. In a man-woman pair, aggression underlies a kind of communicative game in which seduction, involvement, attraction, emotional and physical capture, retention, release, but at the same time rejection with devaluation and humiliation alternate and pulsate, and the partners receive pleasure from this or pain. The last phrase shows aggression as an attack. Aggression in both modalities “movement towards”, “attack” is a motivator of movement in the field, aimed at both establishing and destroying close relationships. For example, a woman behaves frivolously in the presence of men, her partner begins to get angry and jealous, and makes attempts to somehow hold her, attract her, capture her, show feelings, prove his love and get closer. The same thing happens when a man brings his partner closer to him in this way. For some, the degree of need for intimacy increases after aggression, attack, or conflict. In some couples, both partners can feel “real” intimacy only after a week of attacking each other, and sometimes even a good fight. Each of them defends their interests, fights for the opportunity to be themselves and for their partner to accept himself as he is. Bringing a partner to the point of “shaking” is proof of his “love”: since he “shakes” from my “attack”, it means I am not indifferent. The absence of aggression in this case is perceived as distance, which in turn causes a strong reaction from the partner, and he begins his actions in the direction of “approaching”. This couple cannot exist any other way, and both are satisfied with “aggression-approximation”, since emotional intensity is always felt. The life of a couple, Man and Woman, cannot be imagined without ad-gressere, pro-gressere, re-gressere, egredere. Show curiosity towards someone, look closely at someone, take a closer look at something, listen, get to the bottom of it, get to the answer (in order to then assign meaning), empathize (get into the feelings of another person), gain attention - it’s not for nothing that these actions are expressed reflexive verbs, meaning my desire to reach out to something in order to capture and hold or give something to someone with whom the interaction is taking place. Even the interpretation of this “feeling”, i.e. the way I explain and understand interaction, even a gentle, careful touch that allows us to get very close to the Other, connecting with his breath (the border can be thought of as breathingfields in which we inhale and exhale each other) - all these are ways to ad-gress and pro-gress in order to learn something new, important, attractive, captivating, developing, strengthening or destroying relationships. While sorting out the relationship, husband and wife speak different languages: she speaks in the language of feelings about her insecurity, fear of the future; he, unable to bear his anxiety, tries to find out, prove, convince. When it becomes clear to him and his wife that they speak different languages ​​and thus exist in different worlds, the man stands and says: “I want to look at you, see you, touch your eyelashes to yours, blink in one beat.” This is a sensual appeal, and both people laugh as a result. Growing up, we continue to use childhood behavioral patterns - reaching, grabbing another. If we remove the negative connotation of the word “capture”, then it is needed not only for keeping a partner in oneself or near oneself, but also for mastering, studying, differentiating oneself from another, fragmenting and creating a new reality “together” (ad-gressere, pro -gressere). Thanks to the complex processes that result in individual consciousness, we see a stable picture in front of us. We have an illusory feeling that we all live in the same world, surrounded by understandable objects, and interpret people’s behavior and our own behavior in the same way. We experience our own continuity and the continuity of this world, but within this “harmonious” picture there may be conflicts that create a break in continuity. Thanks to another process - awareness, which supports differentiation and individuation - the opportunity is created to be both inside oneself (in continuity or discontinuity) and outside, from another point, changing the perspective of self-perception, which ultimately allows one to be more flexible, creatively adaptive, spontaneous. For example, the consumer “reaches out” to the manager of the company fulfilling the order, “captures” him with phone calls, including after hours, changing the deadlines for fulfilling the order. The manager periodically loses stability, reacts with a decrease in self-esteem to the inability to fulfill the consumer’s request, and extinguishes anxiety and anger. In the end, a way out is discovered, and the manager comes to the conclusion that he does not have to prove his “love” for the consumer, and that they have a conditionally close relationship that allows them not to take the consumer’s whims and dissatisfaction personally. “Civilized” attack is manifested by the following operations: intimidation, accusation, shaming, humiliation, rejection. These aggressive operations break continuity, as mentioned above, and can freeze my emotional response and contact process (Id freezes, Ego loses strength, stops, Personality loses connection with these functions, begins to crumble). This is reminiscent of a condition that ophthalmologists call in their practice “spasm of accommodation,” when the lens does not move and does not synchronize its size with the brightness of the light and the distance of the object. By the way, this effect occurs when the eyes are exposed to atropine. A paralyzing effect can arise from within the psyche, when a person reacts to his fantasies, illusory ideas about external reality. The distortion of reality is the result of a traumatic experience and is actualized in a certain environment when a person perceives a certain signal. For example, a wife begins to nag, and the husband, due to the trauma signal entering this zone, undergoes a transformation in his wife’s appearance - she begins to appear to him in the image of a “teacher” who bullied him at school. In the actions of his wife, the husband sees hostility, shaming, rejection, intimidation, humiliation and responds, defending himself, in the only way available to himself - anger, irritation, hatred, anger. The result is mutual cooling, mistrust, intimacy, dislike, and isolation. Thus, aggression, as a characteristic of human interaction, has modalities through which intimacy arises,.