(continuing the topic “Infertility and miscarriage. Psychological reasons”) It happens that a married couple comes to me - there are no physical reasons for problems with pregnancy, they are completely healthy, they have been living for a long time, but they are pregnant doesn't come. They say something about love. And I look and see that they do not hear each other at all, each lives their own parallel life, and each of them is lonely in this family in their own way and lives their loneliness in their own way, often shutting themselves off from their partner. Yes, a child would be quite a suitable remedy for loneliness for some of them. And often in such couples, one of the spouses really wants a child, but is afraid, because the other seems to “not care.” It is important for a woman to feel support and support. It is not for nothing that there is an oath for newlyweds: “to always be together in sorrow and in joy, in wealth and poverty, in sickness and in health...” Together - this does not mean “on the same territory” - it means we are a single whole, family, strength, support for each other. Then we are ready to raise healthy children. When a woman does not feel the support of her husband, a woman is not confident in him, does not see him as support for herself as a future mother - how can she relax in order to become just a happy pregnant woman? “We have been living for 5 years. My husband sometimes drinks, after which he becomes rude and not very adequate. He doesn’t want to solve this problem, and somewhere inside I’m afraid that our child will see this.” When a woman is not left “alone” with a problem, when she feels that they are going through a difficult path to parenthood together, then she feels more protected, confident and positive. When the husband himself is like a child. He is indecisive, insecure, weak, tired, requiring increased attention. The woman then becomes a symbolic mother for him. When this is a temporary state, during which a man gains strength after a difficult and stressful period, rests, and comes to his senses, this is normal. When this is his permanent condition, the woman does not allow herself to realize her maternal function in a more natural, healthy version and wastes her energy on the role of mother for her husband. The husband avoids examination or treatment. When a couple is infertile, they often invite the man to get tested. But a man does not always immediately agree to this or does not want to take part in solving the problem. It’s difficult for him to make such decisions. And the woman waits for him to mature so she can go to the doctor to do a sperm analysis. And time goes by. Then he waits for the next step - precious time is also wasted. “For several years he decided to take the test. I waited. Then it took me a long time to decide to take the next step.” So 5 years passed...Shame before donating sperm, fear of being infertile, fear of admitting that “I’m not okay.” The attitude towards the procedure “clings” to the feeling of one’s own vulnerability, male incompetence and forces one to delay the process indefinitely. Although, often a spermogram does not show any abnormalities, how can you be sure of this without analysis? Problems in relationships, misunderstandings, conflicts Both are always responsible for the relationship, 50x50. It never happens that one person is to blame. And everyone influences everyone. If at least one of the couple changes something in his condition, behavior, attitude towards something, then this affects the relationship between them. And then it’s worth asking yourself not only “Why doesn’t my husband want to get involved in solving the problem in a timely manner?” , but also “Why did I choose a partner with whom I can postpone motherhood, who does not strive to become a father, who does not take into account my needs?” Not only “Why doesn’t my husband support me and I carry everything on myself?”, but also “ Why did I connect my life with a partner with whom I do not allow myself to relax, on whom I cannot rely?” An answer like “Where can I get others?” wrong! ;) One of the spouses does not want a child. It happens that one of the spouses wants children, but the other does not want them, he is not ready now. Whether he admits it or not. Or he doesn’t even realize that he doesn’t :)