I have been thinking about the thoughts that I decided to share with you today for a long time. I planned to discuss them in a professional circle, but... The topic of libido turning on the “wrong” partners is often covered by psychologists. I also wrote about this earlier. A fairly hackneyed social template about excellent students falling in love with bullies and men who love bitches. From a psychological point of view, the roots are buried in childhood and in the primary relationship with the mother. Yes, yes, precisely with the mother, and not the girl with the father, but the boy with the mother. But we won't go there today. At the moment, I am not interested in the reasons for what is happening, but in ways of working with what already exists - the attractiveness of a certain type in a relationship. Many people interested in psychology know the now widely advertised Mr. Labkovsky. He, and many psychologists, suggest changing libido in order to choose “good” partners. Quotes because any goodness is conditional - that it’s good for one, not so much for another. .A person is invited to seriously work on himself: his thinking, lifestyle, awareness, so that his social circle begins to change and people of a different kind begin to fall into it. Accordingly, other people will begin to attract, and the suffering will end. And here my thought comes into play. It’s not possible to change your libido that much. Roughly speaking, if you have always liked introverts, then you are unlikely to ever fall in love with extroverts. Next came a number of psychological types, but they turned out to be erased. Too many smart and incomprehensible words)). I'll put it more simply. If you liked arrogant and narcissistic comrades, then you will never choose timid and withdrawn ones. No matter how good and promising they are for life. Because the choice of a partner is strongly tied to one’s personality characteristics. And despite all the value and effectiveness of psychotherapy, after several years of regular work on yourself you will not become a different person. You will become happier and freer, you will begin to feel differently about yourself and your life. In many ways, life will become simpler and definitely better quality. But the basic personality traits will not change. And, therefore, the types of attracting partners will be the same, only smoother and more harmonious... So, the main thing that I think is not to learn to choose other partners for life, but to be able to build other relationships with them. They can be just as closed or narcissistic, it just stops hurting. And this, in fact, greatly depends on one’s own awareness and “treatment”. Yes, of course, you should not choose despots, toxic narcissists or chemically addicted to use - these are the characteristics of partners that continue to hurt no matter the degree of treatment. Everyone knows the list of destructive partners for themselves. But we all have traits that can be difficult for others to relate to. And in close relationships it can become especially difficult. But it is important not to destroy your libido, not to look for other people, since ideal ones do not exist. It is important to always be attentive to yourself, when asking or talking about dissatisfaction, to get out of a conflict situation or difficult relationship in a timely manner. And the most important thing is to have your own world, your own life, in addition to the general life in a relationship.