Conflict - what to do? A lot has been said about conflicts. But more often it’s about how to get rid of them. It is very reminiscent of the desire to get rid of fears, laziness, bad mood, etc. So that something always joyful, contented, positive remains... Is this possible? Imagine, two different people meet: different gender, age, education, temperament, life experience, with different childhood and adult traumas, goals, tastes and interests, etc. d. and suddenly everything coincides with them, in everything and always. They always want to eat the same thing and at the same time, they fold things and wash dishes in the same way and like to relax in the same places; their desire for sex is also the same. The list can be continued, but it seems already clear that this is only possible in the movies. Of course, it happens that you are similar in many ways and have a lot in common, but certainly not everything. And if so, then you have to clarify something and argue about something, negotiate, disagree. But to be honest, there is more than one way out of this situation. Conflicts can still be avoided, but you will have to pay for it. Although you will have to pay in any case: whether you have conflicts or not, the prices will be different. And only you can choose what and how much to pay, just like in a store. For example, if you decide to clarify everything, listen to yourself and somehow react when communicating with your partner, your reaction will not always please the person to whom it is directed. Then you may have to pay for the fact that they will talk to you for an hour or two, and in some cases for a week or two, very reluctantly, maybe only with a nod of the head and a firm yes, no, I don’t know. And how do you like these commodity-money relations? Yes, such a familiar method of manipulation in order to punish for unpleasant reactions is very common among the adult population and it’s okay that this method of influence seems a little childish, but what are the results!!! It is unlikely that you will be able to ignore such ignoring: I agree, it is unpleasant. And then, on one side of the scale, this is the most “unpleasant” thing, and on the other, your reaction is either honest and not always pleasant for your partner, or the one that is expected of you. If the reaction is as expected, you will most likely receive a pleasant bonus in the form of pleasant communication, hugs, etc. There is something to lose. Moreover, punishment by ignoring is not the entire spectrum of influence. Some have in their arsenal a scream, hysteria, scandal, and, in the end, punishment with a ruble, or rather hryvnia, especially if someone depends on someone financially. You notice how the value of maintaining “good” relationships grows before your eyes. Accordingly, making a choice in favor of “keep silent, don’t force it, don’t pay attention, switch, do it yourself...” is becoming more and more tempting. It’s calmer, easier, more familiar. And in some situations this is true. It’s worse when it already becomes a habit, a rule, or, as psychologists say, a pattern of behavior. To this we must add the formed public opinion, introjected by us in early childhood. It’s a pity that it most often refers to the behavior of women. And this opinion says: a woman should be flexible, soft, compliant, conflict-free... And the message seems to be good, but can it be applied always and everywhere. Of course, it’s better if you can communicate through humor, irony and positive connotations. But you also need to have resources, experience, and mood for this. And there is no guarantee that it will work. There is only a possibility. And if it doesn’t work, then what? It’s difficult to speak in general. We can look at specific situations taken from life. Example 1. Your husband really loves apple pie and morning sex. And perhaps you like the same thing: apple pie and sex in the morning. Great, no problem. But if not, and you do this in order to please your loved one, and for the umpteenth time he ignores your request to do something around the house or go on a picnic with you. Guess what your honest reaction to him will be.a sentence, for example about a pie. I don’t believe that if you were told no five times to your request, then you only want to say yes, yes, and yes in response. This is only possible if you are a participant in the Master Chef program and are ready to bake pies from morning until late evening and your husband’s desire has nothing to do with it. You are doing this for yourself. And do it for your health. But if the kitchen is not your thing and you are trying for it, then might it be more honest to stop trying if you are ignored? And turn them on again when you really want it. Perhaps this will happen after your husband finally hears your request. But a woman often turns on: yes, it’s not difficult for me, but he will be offended... Of course he will be offended and remain silent for three days, so that next time you give the “correct” reaction and bake pies no matter whether he responds to your requests or not . And then it’s up to you to decide what to choose. Just understand one thing: it will always be like this. Pavlov also did this. Your partner does the same with you: the “correct” reaction, that is, the one he expects, is hugging, the “wrong” reaction is ignoring. There is a chance to become very comfortable for your partner and react “correctly”. A bonus for this may be that you will never be abandoned, just as old sweaters and slippers are never thrown away. These things are used, but rarely admired and appreciated. Example 2. You are a husband, a father of children, you have your own business, albeit not a very cool one, but you can allow your wife not to work, you go on vacation every summer, you bought your wife a washing machine and allocate funds for her manicure, massage, shopping and other amenities. At the same time, your wife not only does not like to cook, but also does not bother herself with this activity, and you eat exclusively Mivina and fried eggs. Your requests to cook something are ignored and if you try to insist on your own, you get hysterical. The same hysteria awaits you every time you stutter that you want to drink beer with friends, even if this happens once a month, or even less often. Then everything goes according to the plan. You also have a choice. Or, in order to avoid hysteria, you satisfy your wife in everything: you only sit at home after work, never meet with friends, eat Mivina in silence. At the same time, the house is quiet, no hysterics. Although not a fact. They can start for any reason. If you are so afraid of them, then this will become the whip with which they will “train” you. If you get creative, you can reach the point of absurdity: you will support your family, take your children to classes and clubs, cook your own food, and then clean the house. The wife will be happy and will not be hysterical about these issues. But she will probably neither appreciate, nor respect, nor love you, but will simply take advantage of you. How do you like this ending? Maybe you should try to survive a couple of scandals, but insist on your own? And then, you see, your wife will get tired of throwing tantrums if no one is afraid of them and they do not lead to any result? The examples can be continued. We'll just come to a choice again. Just like Hamlet: to be or not to be? Follow yourself, follow your interests, desires and feelings, or shove it all away and deeper, so that it’s “okay”, like with people. (Which people, which “ladyk”, you haven’t been in their shoes and haven’t lived in their family). Well, okay, there is still a feeling that everyone is adjusting, being patient, adapting. And the realization that you are like everyone else warms the soul. It’s just that the method may be common, but everyone has their own fee. And there is no mutual aid fund here. Well, maybe barter: you give me everything that you didn’t give to your partner, and I give it to you. Such a Slavic psychology. But this won’t help for a long time - until the next “strain”. And situations in which you need to decide who is more important to you: you or the other, happen several times a day. And if you are accustomed to the fact that peace in the family is more valuable (read, it is the other person who is more valuable, not you), then there will be more than enough tension and you will have to put it somewhere. Imagine yourself as a kind of vessel, more valuable than any work of art, After all, you are the creation of God's hands, not men's. There is a whole world inside you, unique and inimitable. Interests, thoughts, feelings, sensations and