From the author: A child’s acute emotional reaction to a loss often causes confusion or irritation for parents. This article is an attempt to see what is going on in the soul of a child at this moment. Understand the child in order to help him win in the future. A child’s persistent desire to win – is that bad? In my opinion, no, the desire to succeed is a good motivation. However, I know why the inability of children to lose worries parents so much. I saw a child who brought himself to physical illness from worries and fear of losing. And a child who, having lost in a board game in a group of children, cannot do anything for the rest of the day, is in a depressed state, and is silent. I saw tears, aggression and curses directed at the winner. And how losing in a particular situation instantly turned into “I never win. I am a loser. I'm doing terribly. Nobody loves me." This is what worries parents. Our whole life is a series of successes and failures, things work out and things don’t work out. Being able to win and being able to lose means staying afloat in life. I started thinking, when did adults themselves learn to accept losing? What does it mean to be able to lose? I know how to lose if, having lost, I remain in a resource state. I can think sensibly, I feel normal, I can do business, I continue to feel like a good person, I understand what my weakness is, I am able to make decisions whether I need to train in order to be a winner in this matter in the future or not. Due to age characteristics, all this is inaccessible to a child. Ask the child (not at the moment of loss, but in an ordinary situation in between) why does he react so painfully to failure? What is going on in his soul and thoughts? Children who react painfully to losing have beliefs that sound something like this: “Winning is good, losing is bad. I did something bad." "If I lost, I'm bad." The situation leaves an imprint on the entire personality. “They don’t like losers. If I lost, my parents won’t love me, they won’t want to be friends with me.” “Losing means that all my efforts (and I tried very hard, to the limit of my capabilities) are invisible, ineffective, and I am helpless, I no longer know what do to win.” You will see that the child’s consciousness narrows at this moment. There is only him with his loss. What to do? During an acute emotional period, be there and share his grief with the words: “I see that you are very upset. I would also be upset if I lost in such competitions. If you react like that, it means something important happened.” You shouldn’t try to immediately bring it back to a normal state; by doing this, you seem to be telling the child that his feelings and reactions about the loss are wrong and inappropriate. And he has them, does that mean he is somehow wrong? When emotions begin to subside, offer methods of self-soothing known to you and him: “Let's drink some water. Let's go for a walk. Let’s breathe deeply through our nose.” Express your feelings of love, acceptance, care for him with words, hugs, and actions. Just don’t teach or analyze the situation. There will be a more appropriate time for this. Now it is important that the child feels with all his soul and skin that no matter what he does, you love him. Offer to talk about what happened in a few hours, when you are sure that the child feels well and can hear and see you. If he doesn't agree, leave him alone. If he agrees, listen to him first. It may turn out that speaking out is exactly what the child needs right now. Don't make accusations or list mistakes without asking him if he wants to hear your opinion. If your child wants to hear your opinion about the situation and himself in it, then speak up. Be prepared for a new surge of emotions and for the fact that the child will not agree with you. It's okay to rebel against your parents' beliefs. A drop wears away a stone. At some point, he will be convinced in practice that your advice is correct. Or he will find his way out. The main work with the child should not be carried out at the moment!»