The most common request to a psychologist when working with an emotional state is a feeling of resentment. And in my practice over the past two weeks, experiences associated with grievances have been relevant. After all, everyone knows about grievances - we easily use them, even swallow them without difficulty, sit in it and say “I’m offended” or “I’m offended.” And how many fairy tales about resentment, poems, metaphors and sayings, proverbs and songs. Resentment is not only a famous feeling, but also an ancient one. It has Old Slavonic origins, transformed from the word “obideti”, in turn derived from “otvidite” - “to see”. What can you see? Punishment, dishonor, by exposure. “I’m offended” is interpreted as “look how bad he is.” There is a less common and less accepted version of the origin of the roots of the word "resentment" as in the Old Slavonic word "o-trouble". Intersects with the English word "grievance" - this is an insult: from the Middle English "gref" - trouble, heaviness. Resentment in this case can warn - “Oh! Trouble! Don’t swallow me!” Often, when we swallow an insult, we cannot digest it; undigested, it turns into pain and sits inside us. The description of the manipulative nature of resentment in R. Efimkina’s book “One Hundred Feelings. A Handbook of a Practical Psychologist” also resonated. In it, R. Efimkina reveals the offense through the proverb “they carry water on the offended”: At first glance, the saying seems illogical: after all, if a person is offended, he has suffered and needs sympathy and consolation, but instead they also carry water on him! However, the origin of the saying makes it clear that he suffers for a reason. There is an opinion (one of many) that the expression appeared under Peter I, when water was carried by the population on horses in barrels. Citizens received water for free, and water carriers were paid from the state treasury. However, unscrupulous water carriers began to sell water. The Emperor, having learned about the lawlessness, ordered a decree to be issued: a water carrier caught selling water should be harnessed to a cart with a barrel instead of a horse for the whole day. This is how they carried water to the offended. And it becomes clear that behind the offense there may be feelings of anger (unfairly caused grief) and a feeling of self-pity. Resentment is a complex, complex concept. Resentment can be a feeling and hide other unexpressed feelings, it can be a state, as well as a behavior strategy. Remember from childhood the teaser “It’s a shame, it’s annoying, but okay, okay, okay”? When we lost unfairly in children's games, or they didn't want to play with us. The child feels betrayal, deception, lack of recognition, violated expectations. Children become familiar with the feeling of resentment starting from the age of 3, this is their favorite children's strategy, it allows them to achieve what they want. Therefore, in psychology, resentment is defined as childish behavior. If we consider the components of resentment, we can say that it contains unjustified expectations, suppressed anger, a threat to a sense of significance (fear of rejection, often needs (the inability to recognize a desire and express it in the correct form), rigid attitudes (fair/unfair). As a behavioral strategy, resentment It can be: manipulation that helps you achieve your goal; as a way to protect or defend your interests, for example, when it is impossible or prohibited to express feelings (anger, fear); as a learned way of communication or interaction, transmitted in the parental family. It is impossible to offend another person, we will be offended. we choose on our own, that is, as a way of reacting. Resentment affects life and does not go away over time, the consequences of resentment are colossal. Inflated expectations from other people and the requirement to comply with standards of justice lead to difficulties in interpersonal relationships. An offended person has a leading position. weaknesses, difficulties arise in all areas of life and difficulties with personal responsibility. When suppressing anger, it is not possible to develop the skill of defending personal boundaries, which can.