From the author: “A man should always see a woman as a woman; the fact of her femininity should always be the first and determining.” E.M. Remarque I was inspired to write an article by the abundance of forum topics and articles on femininity . Conventionally, I would divide their participants into categories: 1) those who explain what a woman should be like... 2) those who are looking for these explanations and with a sigh of sadness are convinced that they still have to go and go to get to a real woman... 3) those who read and sigh with relief, realizing that they are definitely doing everything right. By the way, I’m almost sure that this category is the smallest))) Here I, of course, will share my thoughts, which do not at all pretend to be unconditionally correct) So, first of all, based on my own experience, I would like to report that our internal feelings do not always coincide with how we are perceived. So, for example, when I was told for the first time in ... -tsat that I looked feminine, I was, to put it mildly, surprised. Inside, I definitely felt somehow ponderous, even rude, and completely unfeminine. Yes, I could still fight when someone violated my boundaries too much, fortunately there were a couple of lessons in self-defense. And, on the contrary, at the moment when I felt much more softly, femininely, airily, I heard that I was very strong and, perhaps, even powerful. Although inside I felt braver than a brown hare))) So what am I talking about? Our inner feelings do not always coincide with how others see us. Who is right? I'll tell you a secret. It's all about different circumstances and different behavior patterns. In the first case, I relied on upbringing models: be polite, be quiet, don’t argue... The situation required restraint and control. The socially determined model of a woman’s behavior carries more prohibition than permission. In the second case, it was necessary to resolve issues requiring control, management, and organization. Those. demonstrate completely different patterns of behavior aimed at achieving goals and success. Those that are socially recognized as more masculine models of behavior. In both cases, I am me. Models change, ways of self-expression change, clothes change - all this is a choice. Which can change daily and hourly. The small spark of life, which gives rise to both “I” and everything that is in me, has remained the same. People from the outside see our external self-expression. How much does our external coincide with our internal? As you may have noticed, not always. Moreover, the external is fluid and changes, the internal is more static and stable. From my personal experience, I have the opinion that to be a woman is, first of all, to be different. To be sad or cheerful, close or distant, soft or strict and know that you have the complete and absolute right to do so. For me, a woman is a magician who always pulls something new out of a hat. But in order for a woman to want to get something and perform miracles, she must be happy. And I must be sure that it is safe to be different. When I read books on the Inquisition, I thought that the holy fathers were not afraid of witches, they were afraid of women. They were so afraid that they tried to drive and suppress their true femininity. After all, a real woman is first of all free. A woman gives love. Only those who are free can give love. When I read books today about how to be feminine, I remember those same holy fathers. Dear women! Remember that you were born a woman, and only you know within yourself what you should be. Although it is not easy to come to this. Because there are a thousand books around, a thousand stereotypes that prescribe how to talk, how to think and how a real woman should feel. If this article is read by women who experienced sexual (or physical) violence in childhood, then remember that you also a full-fledged unconditional woman. But for many of you, expressing your femininity and dressing the way you want is very difficult. Because the sense of security was violated. In this case, you don’t need to work on!