From the author: This consultation may be a genuine fiction. The coincidences are random, because they are typical. Varvara’s consultation contains a very tense ethical moment, which was played out in a way that you will see. The question remains, would another method have been appropriate? This consultation may be a genuine fiction. The coincidences are random because they are typical. Barbara's consultation contains a very tense ethical moment, which was played out in the way that you will see. The question remains, was another method appropriate? (Varvara’s spelling and style have been left virtually unchanged.) - Hello. I am 24 years old and I was head over heels in love with a 46 year old man. We met last year. He works as a supervisor for our company and rarely comes to us to coordinate the work of our staff. So active, but calm. I looked at him for a long time, then began to say hello. We communicated. Then I started asking other employees about him. There were 11 of us women in the team. 4 young people, me and three others and 7 older ones aged from 39 to 53. When he arrives, I lose my head. Meaning appears in life. Hands shake, voice trembles. I want to jump with happiness. And if I were a dog, my tail would not stop wagging with happiness. He was the first to joke with me about sex, I supported his jokes. We began to look into each other's eyes more and more often. He looked only at me, winked only at me. It happened that he took me by the hand (if I’m not mistaken, this means something. Well, it’s like he likes me or shows his sympathy) He works with others and looks at me every now and then. Our gazes constantly meet. I thought that he liked me and decided to give him a gift for Christmas - I gave him eau de toilette. He accepted the gift, hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. Then he said that he had been married for 19 years and had two daughters. And now I don’t understand whether he likes me or not. And why were there all the jokes about sex, why were there glances, taking hands, giving hope with a kiss. What is he trying to achieve? Honestly, I don’t mind becoming his mistress. I understand very well that he will not leave the family. I understand that if I quit, I will never see him again. That’s why I want to communicate with him somehow and be either friends or lovers. Can you please tell me what to do? Even if not friends or lovers, how can I get him out of my head? Alexander Vladimirovich Nevsky. Online sexologist Psychologist-consultant Hello! It's very simple... He really likes you! Men, at their core, are polygamous creatures, and are capable of sharing several hobbies, if... -If not social obligations. Marriage is such a commitment, and if there is harmony in the family, any man will make his choice. The more responsible M is, the more his choice is harmony in the family. If M is not satisfied in the relationship, is subjected to pressure, insults from his wife, the wife is too nasty (see on the Internet), then the institution of mistresses saves such a marriage, or ends it. Therefore, there are three options in your relationship. Alexander Vladimirovich Nevsky. Sexologist online Psychologist-consultant. Therefore, there are three options in your relationship. 1st. A man will not accept you, despite his undoubted sympathy and the check he has conducted to determine the girl’s availability for sex! 2nd. M - experienced "cheated" for sex. He spoke about his wife in order to further inflame the passion, adding to it your emotional experiences and fears. This is how they get slaves. Considering that the main motive for sex for m is Power, and only then Pleasure (it may not exist!), this option occurs often! 3rd. You force yourself on him as a lover, seduce him, and receive your bonuses. But I can’t guarantee that you won’t provoke the negative from option (2nd) if you don’t use the support of a psychologist/sexologist, a specialist in love affairs! )) Varvara Hello. Thank you very much for your detailed answer. I have a question about the third option. How to seduce him, seduce him. When he arrives II unzip my jacket to my chest, walk around almost naked (I’m exaggerating), trying to emphasize my charms so that people will notice. But you have to be a complete fool and an idiot not to notice my hints. Although he may notice, he is embarrassed or does not need it. how many times we were left alone, and no action. And I’m also embarrassed to say it directly. Alexander Vladimirovich Nevsky. Sexologist online Psychologist-consultant Hello! “Although he may notice, he is shy or he doesn’t need it.” see. first options. Therefore, you need to make a decision. “And I’m also shy to say directly.” - What is missing to reduce both shyness and the fear of rejection? Varvara Good afternoon. I don't have the courage. And there is a fear of being rejected. And I can’t find the right words. Please tell me how to approach him. How can I become his mistress? Varvara And another moment. I looked at his photo and the photo of his wife. And neither he nor she have any photos together. There are photos where either he is alone, or she is with her daughters. There is a photo of them with friends. (And then they do not sit together, but on different sides of the table, or stand far from each other.) This somehow alarmed me a little. Of course, I have several assumptions. But I would like to listen to a professional. Alexander Vladimirovich Nevsky. Sexologist online Psychologist-consultant We will continue the day after tomorrow. There is a question about the environmental friendliness of the request. Let's look at this first. After all, you can ruin someone else’s life and get involved in even more intense events than the existing ones. Alexander Vladimirovich Nevsky. Sexologist online Psychologist-consultant “I don’t have enough courage. And there is a fear of being rejected.” 1. Rejection has already happened. Formally. He said a phrase that stopped the development of relations. "I'm married," etc. So you have already experienced this and asked for help2. What would a situation look like if you had enough courage? Describe her! 3. I agree to help further only on the condition that you approach M with the phrase “Tell me, (Name), do all men agree to have a young mistress without any obligations, or are there men who cannot do this?” If he says that cannot afford such a connection in any case, then even in this case you can get some comfort by asking him to tell you whether he finds you attractive. If he makes it clear that cheating is impossible for him, I will not be able to work in “tying” him to you on ethical grounds, and I can only change your “entanglement” in love addiction. Alexander Vladimirovich Nevsky. Sexologist online Psychologist-consultant “But I would like to listen to a professional.” - If I see a photo, I will speak more definitely. Varvara Hello. Thank you very much for continuing to answer me. I decided to leave him alone. I won't be able to live at work. Just yesterday the deputy boss (an employee like us) complained to the boss that I was standing there talking to him not on the topic of work. Although we finished work and then she (the deputy manager) suddenly got a job especially for me. The boss scolded me, and the deputy stood next to me with such an expression on her face that it seems like this is what you need. She's just jealous. Nobody needs her. Even though I’ve been married for 20 years. So I will avoid any meetings with him, no matter how much it hurts me. Love will pass. He is not the first and he is not the last. I'll survive. Please just answer the question with photos. Alexander Vladimirovich Nevsky. Online sexologist Psychologist-consultant (after viewing photos) Hello. This couple has a lot of mutuality and trust in each other. The “distance” in the case of taking seats from different ends of the table is apparent, and is precisely explained by absolute trust, situationally simply someone is caring for those sitting at the table, perhaps a husband, occupying the part of the table that is open to the passage. Black colors of clothing are often preferred by people who are “on their minds”, who can not only feel a partner, but also rationally plan relationships “in an adult way”; it is precisely these people who have stricter concepts of fidelity and belonging to each other!