The relationship between a man and a woman can be partly compared to the work of an enterprise. The fact is that here you also need to think, calculate, plan - how much to give to your partner, and how much effort and time to devote to yourself, and your desires, needs. If an enterprise does everything for its business partners - satisfying any of their desires, considering itself obligated to give everything that the partner wants (despite the weakness of his own resources), then tactically everything is fine - your client is satisfied, but strategically such a partnership is heading for collapse. Because strength is depleted, resources are running out. If in a relationship one of the partners gives all of himself, completely disregarding his own interests and needs, then tactically everything is fine, but strategically, in the future, this relationship falls apart. Because the strength is running out, and it’s no longer possible to live only for her/him. And we don’t even have the strength to do anything for ourselves, because they needed to be replenished, but they were only wasted. The reasons why we can give all of ourselves to another can be different: - I must be an exemplary wife and mother - I’m spinning , I’m fiddling around at work, then in the kitchen, making sure everyone is fed, so that the house is clean. Do I have time for myself? Yes, what are you talking about - I don’t have that luxury. It’s important to me what they say about me. Yes, something has started to go wrong lately, to get sick often, well, it’s nothing - age, probably... - I do everything for him - whatever he wants. So that he understands that I am his best! So that he would finally appreciate my efforts and somehow begin to take care of me in return. How long have I been doing this? Well, for the last 10 years for sure. Apparently, I’m trying too little (or not enough time has passed) that it still hasn’t dawned on him how good I am. We still have to continue to live like this, but the trouble is - “for some reason” our strength is running out... - Loving yourself, taking care of yourself, doing what I want - this is selfishness, selfishness! This is bad! “First of all, you need to take care of others,” this is what my mother always told me, this is how she taught me to live. This is how I live and behave now - at work, at home. I am a reliable assistant - a “lifesaver” for others. Yes, “for some reason” lately my health has begun to fail, but I am patient, I know how to pull myself together even when I have a fever, and when it’s hard to get out of bed. I’m still strong, I can still do it, I’ll hold out for a while longer... - I can’t speak No. Yes, whatever I “can’t do” - I’m actually just afraid to say No, to defend my opinion, to persistently express my desires, to fight for attention to myself. (there are various reasons for this - some were beaten in childhood, others were simply not taught, etc.) Therefore, I do everything that is asked. It happens that at night I howl into my pillow. I’m getting ready for the next conversation, when I’ll finally express everything! But when this conversation begins, the tongue becomes clumsy, the throat becomes numb, the legs give way. I’ll mutter something under my breath, hide inside myself again and go do what’s needed... for others... - Well, who needs me like that?! Is it possible to love me with such a face (arms, legs, figure, weight, brains)? This man paid attention to me, agreed to live with me like this, well, good, for this I am grateful to him with my whole life. Yes, he hits me sometimes (he drinks, doesn’t pay attention to me, doesn’t want me), well, so what can I do - that’s how my life is. I can't imagine leaving him. How will I live alone, will I cope, will I survive, will I find someone else for myself - there are more questions than answers. And it's scary. Therefore, let it all remain as it is. These are only part of the reasons why we do not take care of ourselves, our interests, and do not do for ourselves what we want. Yes, it happens that such relationships come to collapse. Because one side’s strength (health, nerves) is running out. Then the relationship ends. And the person is left alone with his poor health and mental exhaustion. And at such moments it seems that they threw me out like a used rag - “they washed me up and threw me away”: “I gave him everything...