From the author: Author's article Family counseling and work with couples prompted me to write an article about what can help close people improve relationships, make them joyful, fulfilling and happy. The first step towards intimacy is the realization of why intimacy is not yet possible. Here are some common reasons - distrust of partners, disrespect and devaluation of each other. The fundamental factors, in most cases, is trust in a couple. And this trust is built in accordance with what experience the partners received in past relationships or in the parental family. If there was trust and respect in the family where the partner grew up, he does not have experience in building good trusting relationships. For example, if a woman took responsibility for material wealth, and a man was engaged in other matters that were not inherent in him by nature, the energy in the couple was confused. And then, a child who grew up in such a family will remove the model of relationships and broadcast it in his future family. A woman will strive for leadership, a man will strive for consumption. Energy will flow in opposite directions. Negative feelings and claims of partners towards each other may arise. We carry a lot, and almost everything, from our family system, and it happens that trust is first broken in childhood. When, for example, one of the parents leaves the family, builds a new one, or leaves this world. For the child, integrity is destroyed, security is lost, and a feeling of resentment appears. This is how you get stuck at the level of feelings. Example 1: resentment towards a deceased father remains as a betrayal and then all men are potentially considered traitors. An adult woman may try to build a relationship, but at the subconscious level, she will most likely program the relationship in a certain way. Since the acceptance of death has not occurred, everything will be cyclical. Perhaps there are many different situations, and if we consider other examples from life, we can also focus on injuries that were received in deep childhood. Example 2: a girl grew up in a family where her father used alcohol or drugs. In this state, he beat his mother, punished children or insulted loved ones. Children who grew up in similar conditions, where they had to hide, seek security or live in unfavorable climates, will view their partner as a threat. The client, who came not so long ago, does not value her husband at all, humiliates him, and avoids physical contact. The husband is at a loss. It seems to him that the woman does not love him, feels insecure and does not understand how to build a relationship. It also happens that the root of problems lies in the family. In constellation practice, the repetition of the destinies of men of the clan or women of the clan is quite clearly visible. And then partners can change, but the problem remains unresolved. That’s all, these are the components leading to divorce. In both cases, the dynamics of the family system, the so-called family model, operates. Something that adult children experience over and over again. Getting into trauma for both partners leads to the fact that they cannot see or hear each other at all. The most important thing here is the awareness that you need the help of a specialist. Family counseling helps partners look inside themselves, go to the depths of childhood traumas, work through unlived moments and change behavior patterns. Sometimes individual work with childhood trauma is needed. Living and awareness makes it possible to remove projections, separate the past and present and, in a different way, begin to build your future. Already with trust in yourself and the other person. A caring attitude and setting boundaries allows you to find the optimal solution in a given situation. Partners begin to realize, create rules, and a new model of relationships is formed. And then we are talking about mutual respect and caring attitude towards each other. The opportunity opens up to enter into a close relationship, become an assistant to your partner and give love.