Let's discuss the issue of codependency and dependent relationships? The main bewilderment for many is the very fact of being in a relationship with the need/opportunity to preserve personal freedom. Like this?! If I love and am loved, then we must: look in the same direction, breathe the same breath, think the same, etc. Whatever else is on your list of an ideal couple - feel free to add. But, in order not to be freaked out by inevitable disappointments and not to fall into fusion, codependency or dependence on a partner, please read about the peculiarities of relationships that every couple in love goes through from “those eyes opposite” to “lived happily ever after.” “Positive codependency” is something that usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship. That is, when a man and a woman met, fell in love, started dating, and they have this state: “We are so good together, we are so in love with each other that we dream of merging into one whole being. There is no “I” and “you”, there is only “we”, we are one, we dream of living forever and dying on the same day.” At the beginning of a relationship, this can be observed very often and this is completely normal. Usually this period lasts about a year and a half, rarely more. Then some time passes, relationships develop, and people suddenly remember themselves. “Of course, I am you, you are me, everything is fine, and we have love. But there is still me. There are my own interests, there are my own desires, which I also want to be taken into account.” And a division occurs. We cease to be one whole, such a glued being, and again turn into two integral individuals. When there is a man - an integral, self-sufficient personality who is interesting to himself and those around him, and there is a woman, there is also an integral, self-sufficient personality who is interesting to himself and those around him. And they are together, because together they feel good and comfortable. Many people at this stage begin to feel sad: it seems to them that real emotional intimacy has ended. “The love that used to be with us is no longer there, what should we do now? Love has passed - the tomatoes have wilted” And in vain! Vain negative thoughts caused by social myth-making about “died on the same day.” Separation is a normal state, a natural course of relationships. It is impossible to constantly be in a glued existence, when I am you, and you are me. Sooner or later, the novelty of sensations wears off and a person remembers his own interests and habits. A healthy relationship is a connection between two integral individuals, when I feel good and you feel good, but together we feel even better. And that is why we are together. But if this does not happen, then we are talking about a codependent relationship in a negative way. When the interpenetration of the first stage is maintained artificially. When “I feel bad without you”, “I constantly miss you, and if you are not around, I begin to suffer, I begin to suffer and all their hands fall apart.” One of the partners first plunges into a depressive state, and then moves into a relationship that we know from popular psychology as “toxic”. Often this is primarily due to the fact that, at the expense of the partner, the individual is trying to satisfy his personal needs, heal injuries, implement plans, and the like. There are many options. This causes both partners a lot of suffering, because they cannot separate themselves - it’s too scary, but living like this all the time is wildly uncomfortable. Any person has his own needs, and in such relationships it is impossible to take them into account. This usually manifests itself in the material world as a restriction of a partner’s freedom, his right to personal space and interests through claims, unreasonable jealousy and suspicion, hysteria or aggression. Of course they both suffer. During this period, the strongest quarrels, conflicts and showdowns begin. “You are no longer as interested in me as before, before you were constantly only with me, but now friends or work are more important to you. And I’m sitting at home alone!” - says a codependent woman who is not going to grow and develop, take care of herself. “You don’t take care of the house, you devote too little.