And there was not a person in the universe who could withstand the gaze of Solomon without lowering his eyes! A. Kuprin “Sulamith” Once three kung fu masters argued which of them was the best master. And they decided to clarify their dispute publicly. They called all the people to the square and announced a competition. And the first master came out, stood in front of the crowd and said: “People, throw stones at me!” And the crowd began to throw stones at him, and he began to beat them off with his hands, palms, fists, feet - and not a single stone hit him... And the people said: “Yes!” You are a cool master! And the second master stood in front of the people and said: “People, throw stones at me!” And people began to throw stones at him, and he began to dodge, jump, fall, jump up, twist like a snake - and not a single stone hit him hit... And the people said: - Yes-ah!!! You are a cool master!!! And the third master stood in front of the people. And he said: - PEOPLE, THROW STONES AT ME...... and no one dared to throw a stone at him... And in our life we ​​easily throw stones at some, but not at others. Someone will easily throw a cobblestone at us, someone will be afraid. Some influence us, others not so much. We ourselves can influence some people, but we cannot influence others. We live in a world of communication and influence, in a world where we try to influence every day and are influenced ourselves: sometimes we lead others and lead, sometimes we are led and we just follow the leader. This applies to business situations, negotiations, relationships , conflict situations, family and personal life - wherever there is interaction and contact between people. Think back to your experience. One head of the company has influence on employees, the other has long been out of favor. One manager successfully negotiates or sells a product, but it is better not to entrust another. One husband is truly the head of the family and his word is decisive, but all that remains of the second spouse is the name and even the cat wipes its paws on him. Why do we react differently to different people? Why do even children hardly react to one adult when he persuades them to go to bed, while another only needs to say one phrase? Why does one subjugate our will, and the other does not? Why can one easily convince us, even sometimes of absurd things, while another finds it difficult to instill in us even quite intelligent thoughts? The answer is the following. Our will, our subconscious, our personality is subject to POWER. Or rather, the PSYCHOLOGICAL STRENGTH of another person. This happens unconsciously, that is, we often do not realize how exactly another person influenced us, but this has already happened and, sometimes, is not in our interests. We can explain this to ourselves in different ways: “convinced”, “persuaded”, “inspired”, “out-argued” - but the point is that our personality came under the influence of the psychological power of another personality. Psychological strength is not directly related to physical strength, because there are examples of “strong” women who can subjugate men - in politics, in business, and in personal life. Psychological strength is interpreted by our subconscious as internal, personal strength. It is interesting that we cannot truly know the true strength of a person, but we get a certain impression from the appearance of a person, by which we judge his psychological strength. There are many factors of psychological strength, but the first impression - often the strongest - is formed by the most expressive thing in the appearance and appearance of any person - by LOOK. Eyes are the mirror of the soul, as people say. By the eyes we really judge the strength or weakness of a person, his emotional experiences, momentary emotions and, with some skill, we can even guess his thoughts by the eyes. A look can kill. In a figurative sense, thank God, for now. Modern research by scientists shows that human eyes have a powerful bioenergetic effect. The social significance of the gaze is of a biological nature. Two tigers measure their gaze when they meet on the same path in order, even without physical struggle, to find out which of them is stronger and has more rights to vital resources: territory, food, females, a place in the sun. ByIn terms of internal tension, this confrontation is not inferior to the struggle of business giants. And the one who, in this internal struggle of nerves, showed more strong-willed qualities, withstood psychological stress, proved his strength with his eyes and earned a higher comparative rank, becomes the winner. Just watch cats, who can hypnotize each other for hours, figuring out who should give up the cat’s “Eldorado” (the neighboring trash bin) to whom. The same thing, on an unconscious level, happens in people. With our gaze, we create an impression of our personal strength and shape the attitude of other people towards us. We call a person who finds it difficult to look him in the eyes shy and, apart from pity, he is not worthy of any other feelings. If a person in a conflict situation looks away, we consider him weak and he has no chance of winning the situation. The shifting glance of an employee who is being reprimanded by his boss makes a pitiful impression, and such an employee only emphasizes his guilt and lowers his rank even more. It is more difficult for a businessman who does not know how to firmly accept the opponent’s point of view in negotiations to come across as a strong person. But they don’t negotiate with the weak - they dictate conditions to the weak! Several times on TV, interesting scenes from the Kremlin called “the minister at a reception with Putin” were broadcast throughout the country. And immediately - from the fussy look, facial expressions and entire behavior - you can read all the timidity of some ministers on the carpet of such an important person. The impression regarding the personal strength, confidence and professional competence of such a person is absolutely unfavorable for him, and from the outside it is a very pitiful sight. Another example. It seems that the weak image of the mentioned oligarch, in particular, his gaze, played a significant role in the disgrace of the famous gasoline oligarch with the letter “X” and the subsequent show trial of him. Remember the usual appearance of the former oil king? A running, unsteady, fussy gaze that does not stop at anything is associated by most people with weakness and uncertainty. And when the authorities needed to carry out an instructive trial on some “king of life,” it was the weak link that was chosen. This, of course, is not the only factor when choosing a weak link, but it is important. Not only great hypnotists, but also great politicians, writers, and influential people of their time had a magnetic gaze. Our president, in particular, is already quite convincingly and firmly keeping his eyes on his ministers, and on representatives of the biting press, and on the television camera. Although, if we remember our GDP at the beginning of his career, the look was not the strongest aspect of his image - Vladimir Vladimirovich sinned with fussiness and running away from the public. The look and appearance of a person becomes especially relevant in the moments when they try him, figuratively speaking, “to the teeth” " Have you ever seen the face of an employee who is being told off by his boss? And the face of the driver who is about to be fined by the traffic cop? What about your face when they say unpleasant things to you? When there is a confrontation, difficult negotiations, a conflict situation arises - this is always a moment of testing when it becomes clear who is worth what. At such moments of truth, it is especially important to make a convincing impression of psychological strength and absolutely confidently control the situation, speech, appearance, gaze. Mastery of a technique called “ZERO REACTION” will help here. What does your opponent, aggressor, manipulator want to see when he throws a stone at you, that is, puts forward strict demands or attacks with impartial accusations? He wants, first of all, to see that his stone or arrow hits the target. How can he see this? Only by your reaction, namely: how you flinch, how embarrassed you look away, how unpleasant you feel, how you shrink, how your face contorts, how your voice trembles, how you rush to defend yourself or make excuses. All these signs are signals to the aggressor that his arrow has hit the target. And for him this is the most important thing. It’s not so important how you defend yourself, what matters is that his words hurt you- which means he has influence on you! And this automatically adds enthusiasm and inspiration to him in this confrontation. By your reaction you are already grist to his mill! And if the aggressor shoots one arrow, another, a third - and his opponent’s visible reaction is “zero”, that is, absolutely absent... then this inevitably deprives him of strength and energy. “If evil is on the way, freeze and don’t move.” African folk proverb. An aggressor who does not see a reaction to his actions is half disarmed. Where, one wonders, did his arrows go? Either they flew past, or hit your powerful armor, or are they made of soft foam rubber? The fact is that if there is no reaction visible in your appearance, the arrow did not hit the target. This means you are stronger than his arrows, stronger than his attacks, stronger than himself! This does not mean that you should not respond to aggression, but it is important to restrain the initial impulsive automatic reaction of defense, which is associated with vulnerability and will reduce your rank, your apparent strength in front of your opponent. And already during the “zero assessment” you will receive the optimal choice and response. Either demonstrate retaliatory aggression, or react in a soft style, or ignore his words (and someday this choice will be adequate to the situation). The fundamental thing is that “zero reaction” is associated by the aggressor and all observers with strength and confidence , invulnerability. This is what it means to “take the hit.” The one who takes the blow remains “on his feet”, that is, unperturbed, outwardly calm, no signs of pain on the face can be determined. The metaphor explaining the action of this technique is as follows. Imagine that you are watching a huge heavy cast-iron ball, about a meter in diameter, slowly and confidently rolling along a flat parquet floor. Yes, this is power! - we will tell ourselves. Now imagine that a small metal ball flew out from somewhere around the corner, clanked against a large one and bounced to the side. And if suddenly we see that the large cast-iron ball has even slightly changed its trajectory, we will be disappointed in it and understand that, it turns out, it is not as heavy as it seemed, if the small ball moved it so easily. This means that their mass turns out to be comparable - maybe it’s empty inside, or maybe it’s actually made of papier-mâché. And if after the collision the large ball rolled and continues to roll, without changing its trajectory at all, we understand - yes, as expected, the mass of these balls is incomparable and a small force is not allowed to move this large force! Grandfather Krylov retold us this metaphor in a fable about the Elephant and Moska: Look, you’re already wheezing! And he walks forward, And doesn’t notice your barking at all. Eh, eh, - Moska answers her, That’s what gives me strength, That I can get into the big bullies, Let the dogs talk, Ay, Pug, know she is strong - If he barks at the elephant. What does Pug want, growling and baring his teeth, attacking and yapping at the Elephant? Is she seriously thinking about hooking up with him? Of course not. The process itself is important to Pug, she needs to be equal in rank with the Elephant, and the best thing for this is to get at least some reaction from the Elephant, so that tomorrow she can arrogantly declare in her gateway: “Did you hear that the Elephant trumpeted yesterday?” That's it. We had a showdown with him. Let him not walk along our street... Can you imagine what the impression would be if the Elephant started to get nervous, worry, stomp his feet, try to fight off the little dog with his trunk... A pathetic, heartbreaking sight... And most importantly, all viewers will understand that Moska is really strong, if not only barks at the Elephant, and also forces him to defend himself!... Therefore, the only correct thing that the Elephant should do is to give zero reaction in relation to the Pug, and then everyone will see how strong the Elephant is compared to the yapping mongrels. From acting practice it is known that it is easier just play supermen. You just need to have texture (a square jaw) and master the “zero reaction” technique for the entire time you are on stage or in front of the camera. Remember any classic Superman and you will be convinced of this: Arnold, Stallone, Bond, Stirlitz and any other strong character therefore producethe convincing impression that they react to any stimuli and any extreme situations with a zero reaction, that is, with absolute equanimity. And only then can instant action follow. The Terminator does not feel pain, regret, or compassion. You cannot negotiate with him, you cannot bribe him. He will never stop... And if the viewer saw any human reaction in supermen: fear, surprise, pain, annoyance, laughter, joy, sadness, anger, then these would no longer be supermen. These would be just people - with all human weaknesses... Remember any similar film - supermen never show any human emotions. And that's why they are supermen. And even when the Terminator is hit by bullets, when he tears off his arm, when he slowly plunges into molten metal - all the time this happens with a stony, impenetrable face and a complete lack of emotion. To Arnold's credit, he demonstrates a worthy mastery of zero reaction not only in the movies. A famous provocation was made against him during the election campaign for governor of California. The Terminator, shining like a gold dollar, walked with his white-toothed Hollywood smile through the crowd to the microphone, shaking hands with enthusiastic voters - behind, as expected, security. And suddenly... a chicken egg flew out of the crowd. They aimed at the face, hit him in the shoulder and a very bright yellow stain spread on the lapel of his jacket. BUT! Nothing new was reflected on the Terminator's face, no change in the broad American smile. He didn't even turn his head towards the egg thrower and didn't even raise an eyebrow! What did Arnold do? He continued to walk through the crowd and, with the same radiant smile, shake the outstretched hands. And only the security began to fuss and began to wipe the yellow stain on the jacket as they walked. This is called endurance and composure. Or a superbly executed take for the next episode of the film. Any other reaction other than zero would have been losing and absolutely deadly for his political rating (which was what the provocateurs were counting on). Can you imagine an angry Terminator? How would he glare angrily, spray with saliva, curse, rush through the crowd to the offender, and swing his fist? On the one hand, it is a frightening, but at the same time humiliating spectacle. Why? Because he descends in terms of psychological strength and significance of the individual to the same level as the offender. With this, Arnold would have declared to all spectators that the aggressor had hurt him, “gotten him” and was able to throw him out of his emotional balance. This means that his offender is about as strong, and Schwarzenegger is not as strong as one might think. And I think the American people would no longer see him in the governor’s chair. But Schwarzenegger not only embodies the laws of the genre on the screen, but also in life. Showing restraint and control over emotions, when he had already reached the microphone, the future governor allowed himself to react with a joke: “Here you offered me an egg, but where is the bacon with it...? And all the spectators laughed happily... Former Prime Minister Nemtsov ended as a politician after orange juice. For those who have forgotten, I will remind you of this sad story. Television, live broadcast. Nemtsov, Zhirinovsky, journalist Lyubimov. The “warm relationship” of the first two characters with each other is well known, and passions are also heated by sensitive topics. And at the climax, the lawyer’s son deftly grabs a glass of juice from the table and makes his famous throw in Nemtsov’s face. How did the prime minister react? Just as any indignant person who had lost control of himself would have acted in his place. He impulsively grabbed his glass and threw it towards Volfovich in front of the confused TV presenter and millions of stunned TV viewers. Then they grabbed each other’s hair, and Lyubimov rushed to separate them. All this was accompanied by a grin of the face and angry swearing at the enemy. The result of these televised debates? Nemtsov's rating fell catastrophically after this incident, although this did not harm Zhirinovsky's rating. Which is understandable. We love BB precisely because he is a clown. And Nemtsov spoke to us in!