Bad people do bad things. Of course, you might say that it is the actions of such a person that make him bad. There is one subtlety that changes a lot. What makes a person bad initially is not his own actions. But those bad deeds that others did towards him happened earlier, most likely in childhood, when the child could not defend himself. It is then that he becomes a scapegoat, a black sheep, “there’s a black sheep in the family.” In my work, I sometimes come across people like this. These are amazingly sensitive and courageous people who, against their will, absorbed all the mistakes and irritation of each family member separately. And in general, they became a kind of screen that covers up the truth about her, which is unsightly for the family. "Scapegoat" in the family. How does it happen that someone else’s unbearable responsibility falls on a child? People do not immediately become a scapegoat and, as a rule, they do not become one from birth. The burden of someone else's responsibility falls on the child step by step, like balls on a Christmas tree. For example, a mother helplessly throws up her hands and complains that her child is “a real punishment” and she does not have a moment of peace with such a child. And what kind of kindergarten can there be if the child is a “brat”, such people are not accepted into the kindergarten. So the poor thing is suffering... In fact, here we see the mother’s desire to cover up her own anxieties. Otherwise, the mother will have to explain to herself and others why, for example, she is so scared to go to work after several years of maternity leave. Or why she avoids meeting relatives. Why can there be hundreds of them? Or here's another story. A man brings his child from his first marriage for the weekend. The wife is against such a decision, but cannot openly state this; there is no open communication in the couple, and in general the woman may be afraid that she will be rejected if she tells the truth. Therefore, it is easier to blame this child. Is it possible for a family to change their relationships so that no one becomes the container of anger and irritation, so that no one becomes a scapegoat? Of course it is possible. This can be the key to a happier and more harmonious life for every family member. However, sometimes change requires the support and guidance of a psychologist. Family is a value. Entrust your value to the experienced hands of a specialist. To do this, you must first look at your child and take his side. And step by step, disassemble and put away: “everything is like the mother-in-law, the same Baba Yaga, just like her” - said to the daughter in order to release anger at the mother-in-law. “Why are you so stupid” - said to the baby, because you yourself can’t cope with your own disappointments, “where you sit down and get off” - such children are stubborn to the last, until the last word that can break them. And rewrite the main, but invisible rule in the family - as long as the scapegoat is bad, we are all good! Do you think that your family needs help? Sign up for a consultation with me. I will help you see the attitudes that I provoke problems, together we will form skills that will allow you to remove the “scapegoat” and create harmonious relationships between loved ones.