From the author: This article discusses the main symptoms of the crisis of 3 years and possible actions of parents in order to smooth out the manifestations of this natural stage of child development. When a child turns three years old, many parents discover that his behavior has changed . He suddenly stopped obeying, and what he had recently taken for granted now only causes him to protest. The child begins to do everything “the other way around” - he runs away when he is called, refuses food when he is asked to eat, screams when he is asked to speak in a whisper, etc. Just recently he was so obedient, but now he throws tantrums for any reason. For many parents, this situation is difficult and incomprehensible; they do not know what to do about it, they are angry with each other and with the child. During this period, the child wants to act on his own, contrary to the situation, not agreeing with the suggestions of adults. He begins to realize himself as a person, he has his own “I want”. Moreover, it manifests itself, as a rule, in the form of stubbornness, negativism, and self-will. What intensifies protest reactions is that adults did not notice that the child was growing up, his activity, and did not change the model of their relationship with him in time. Parents should not be afraid of such phenomena; this is a natural process in the development of any child aged about three years; the main task of these reactions is to consolidate the child feels more independent and self-important. The age of onset, duration and severity of crisis symptoms may vary from child to child. The crisis is most pronounced in families where parents use an authoritarian model of upbringing, with a large number of prohibitions and punishments, or, on the contrary, overprotect the child, not giving him the opportunity to show his independence. L. S. Vygotsky emphasized that behind every negative symptom of a crisis “is hidden a positive content, which usually consists of a transition to a new and higher form.” Positive personal gains for children after the three-year crisis are the formation of a new level of self-awareness, an increase in the level of independence in communication, games, the development of activity, and strong-willed qualities. The appearance of these qualities is a reliable indicator of the child’s constructive passage through this stage. Now let’s talk about the main symptoms of the three-year crisis. For the first time, the most striking features of a child’s behavior during the crisis of three years were described by E. Koehler in her work “On the Personality of a Three-Year-Old Child.” Let's look at these symptoms in more detail. The first of them is negativism. Negativism lies in the fact that the child strives to do the opposite, i.e. the opposite of what he was told. The child gives a negative reaction not to the action itself, which he refuses to perform, but to the adult’s demand or request. Moreover, the child does not perform the action not because he does not want to do it, but because an adult asked him to do it. It is interesting that, while refusing to fulfill the requests of one family member, a child can be very obedient to another. For example, an adult, approaching a child, says: “This dress is beautiful,” and receives the answer: “No, it’s not beautiful.” And when they say: “This dress is not beautiful,” the child replies: “No, it is beautiful.” The second is stubbornness. It lies in the fact that the child does something not because he really wants to, but because he himself told the adults about it and he can no longer change his decision. Let's say a child, despite the fact that he really wants to sleep, says that he will continue to play with toys. Despite the fact that he is not at all interested in playing, he will say until the last moment that he will not go to sleep. The third is obstinacy. Obstinacy is understood as the desire to insist on one’s desires and dissatisfaction with everything that adults offer the child. For example, parents can buy their child new things, take him to the zoo, take him on rides, and when asked if he liked it, the child’s answer will be the same: “That he didn’t need it and didn’t.”I liked it!” The fourth is self-will. This symptom manifests the child’s desire for independence. It lies in the child’s desire to do everything himself. Naturally, the child does not take into account his capabilities and this often leads to conflicts with adults. In children whose parents are not capable of flexibility when interacting with the baby, conflicts become regular, as if they are constantly at war with adults. This is the fifth symptom of the crisis of three years, it is called protest - rebellion. The sixth symptom is depreciation. What was previously familiar, interesting, and expensive is devalued. The child may begin to have a negative attitude towards old toys, which he previously loved to play with, and give up activities that until recently caused delight. In families with only one child, the seventh symptom may appear - despotism. The child tries to return to the old system of relationships, when all his whims were fulfilled. He says whether he will eat, and what he will eat, when to go for a walk, how long and where he will walk, whether any of the adults can leave or not, etc. If there are several children in a family, despotism manifests itself in the form of a jealous attitude towards other children; the child will believe that they should not have any rights in the family at all. All these symptoms indicate that the child is currently undergoing a restructuring of relationships with the people around him and with himself. As we have already said, a crisis is a natural process, but parents can take some steps to help mitigate its symptoms. Let's highlight steps that can minimize the consequences of a crisis for a child. Try to remain calm. If you are calm in response to the child’s behavior, then he will eventually calm down himself, but if you lose your temper, it will be a sign for him that you can be influenced in this way. In each specific situation, you need to try to act like an adult, for example, switch the child’s attention to doing some other thing, distract him with humor, play a game, etc. Most importantly, remember that by his behavior the child explores what he wants do's and don'ts. If earlier he could do everything, now many things are prohibited and he needs to understand this system. You can say that you don’t like the child’s behavior, but not the child himself. By telling a child that he is bad, you thereby create a guilt complex in him, and the child begins to think that he is not loved and no one needs him. This only exacerbates the symptoms of the crisis of three years. Try to explain to your child in a calm, positive atmosphere what exactly you don’t like about his behavior. When communicating with your child, use “temporary language.” Not “you will never succeed,” but “you didn’t succeed now,” not “you never share with anyone,” but “you didn’t share today,” etc. Beware of comparing your child with other children. This will lead to the child considering himself bad and the other child good. It is better to compare the child with himself, for example: “But today you collected your toys yourself,” “you yourself managed to slide down the slide.” He will be pleased with the praise and will not feel offended. Give your child more independence. A child at this age craves independence. Let him do things himself, such as watering flowers, mopping floors, or bringing cutlery for meals. And even if the child doesn’t succeed, the most important thing is that you allowed him to do it on his own. Give him the opportunity to choose what he wants to eat, wear, read, where to go for a walk. Show more flexibility when interacting with your child. This does not mean that you should indulge your child in everything. However, there are some things you can give in to. For example, if a child wants to go for a walk, give in. This is another opportunity to be with your child. Or he wants to wear a red jersey instead of a yellow jersey, there is nothing wrong with that either. The child does not want to go to bed during the day. There's nothing wrong with that either.