In our lives, we have all tried to support and encourage others when they find it difficult or bad. Everyone knows from their own experience how the phrases “Well, don’t be upset”, “What’s so scary about that?..for (...) things are really bad, but for you...well, flowers ", "Well, stop crying, smile!" Here is a whole series of response questions that arise in response to such consolations: Why should I not be upset if a situation has occurred that is objectively upsetting? Why does someone think that nothing bad happened to me, but for others the situation is worse? Yes, and why should I be upset now, only when it’s completely out of the ordinary...? I’m sad, tension has accumulated, I’m crying... and someone tells me: “Smile.” In life, you don’t always just need to smile; now I decide to help myself with tears, to get through a sad or difficult moment in which there is no place for a smile. As a result, all these everyday phrases, like: “Why cry, no one died,” more often In general, they don’t help in any way, and sometimes they only complicate things. How then can we provide the support that a person needs when he feels bad? Let’s conditionally divide support into different types: 1. Removing uniqueness (“You’re angry at your younger brother, that’s normal, when people get angry in such a situation") This type of support is indispensable if a person doubts the correctness of his reaction to the situation, whether he has the right to be angry with his family, children, whether he has the right not to be happy for the happiness of others, and so on. 2. Joining (“That would make me angry too.”) It is important for a person to have a person nearby! If someone understands him in a difficult situation, then there is no price for him. Of course, if this connection is sincere. 3. Reflection of feelings (“I see that you are upset and say that you are sulking, should you be offended and hurt?”) Speaking of what “bad” is. What is this about? Are you sure that you really understand what kind of feelings a person has hiding behind his words? And if you don’t understand, then how are you going to support at all? What can you support without understanding? So... the first thing that is important is to figure out what’s really in a person’s soul. After all, the word “bad” can be about sadness, about envy, about anger, about guilt, about resentment, and so on... Surely, the conversation will go about something completely different if in one and the same situation a person experiences guilt, and in another, anger . Support will also vary. 4. Nadezhda (“Yes, now you feel bad and sad, but it won’t always be like this, it will definitely end”) It’s important here to show that it won’t always be this bad. Obviously a person will survive a difficult situation, the world is multifaceted, yes, it’s hard now, but in a day, five, twenty it will become easier. It is a fact. You don’t know exactly how the future will turn out, so there is no need to predict it, to say that everything will work out and will certainly be good is the same as lying. How do you know? Instilling an optimistic lie is not about sincerity! 5. Relevant comments (“Wow!”, “Wow, seriously?”, “Wow”) If your interlocutor decides to talk with you, then it would be nice to show him your interest , just don’t overplay! It's important to be genuinely involved! 6. Disclosure and offer (“I would like to help you, is there anything I can do for you?”) Often we strive to give everyone advice and tell them how to live correctly! How do we know how to do it right? Even if you yourself found yourself in a similar situation...all people are different, where is the guarantee that it will help someone else? Of course, you can share your experience, but it’s just experience, not the ultimate truth or a recipe for happiness, it’s just a piece of someone’s life that you want to apply to yourself or not! What if your interlocutor already has a plan for further action, and you handed him yours, that’s support... And remember the women who periodically like to complain about their husbands while sitting with their girlfriends. Logically, it’s high time for some of them to get a divorce, but try to give such advice, you risk being misunderstood, to put it mildly... because it’s important to complain, share,!