Being honest and building close relationships with people is my job. In my view, intimacy is an opportunity to sincerely express your thoughts and feelings and receive the same sincere response from another. But, facing your very different feelings, thoughts and desires is not easy. Sadness, fear, loneliness, self-doubt, the feeling that you are not loved. Does anyone here like to experience all this? If you are not a 100% masochist, then clearly not for you. In most cases, our psyche invents various tricks so that we avoid pain and seek comfort. The famous grandfather Freud and his daughter Anna introduced the concept of "personal defense mechanisms". They are our rescuers from inconvenient information and negative emotions. In modern psychology, there are many types of defenses. For example, an overly positive attitude - a person notices only the good, only what is comfortable for him and would like to see. Each of us has favorite defense strategies and they act unconsciously! We hide from our feelings and other people out of habit! Most likely, in childhood this method helped to cope with an unpleasant situation a couple of times and eventually became a habit. But any feelings arise for a reason, they create our contact with reality. When you're a child, it's normal to take detours, you just don't know how else. But it can be done differently. There is no need to run away from negative emotions. It is much more productive to notice, live and express them: I am angry, sad, tired I see and admit my imperfections, mistakes I feel that the other person does not love me and rejects me Sometimes in romantic relationships, captured by the fear of rejection and loss, we go too far in our defenses: We don’t enter into a real relationship, but fantasize about someone unrealistic, ideal. We place excessive demands on others and as soon as someone appears on the horizon, we find a million shortcomings in him. We enter into a relationship, but do not let the other person get close enough to us. We choose someone, not because we like him, but because this is a 100% option and this person will definitely not leave or cheat. This is how we protect ourselves from the fear of rejection, and also deprive ourselves of love and true intimacy... It is impossible to feel alive , protecting yourself from vulnerability. To love, to trust, to be yourself means to take risks. Yes, we may be rejected Yes, perhaps we will be scared, sad, lonely And yes, only in this case will we live in a real world where true intimacy and love are possible. Do you want to realize your usual defense strategies and take a step towards closer relationships with yourself and others? Sign up for a consultation, I will help you in this difficult but important matter.