From the author: Download our books on psychotherapy for free here: Love and relationships have interested humanity since time immemorial. After fourteen years of working as a psychotherapist, I can say: 90 percent of all problems relate to human relationships, including those in couples. Everyone is concerned about the question: “How to achieve family happiness?” Why do some couples live to see diamond weddings, while others, having barely celebrated their calico wedding, run away? Every marriage is work. Eastern wisdom says: “Find a partner you like, think carefully about this step and do not waste time.” Passion lasts for two years, and then you need love. It soon becomes clear that if you fall in love with a beautiful face, you risk missing something more important - the person you live with does not share your values ​​and is not going to change. I would like to remember my teacher, Nosrat Pezeshkian (unfortunately, he died last spring), the founder of the method of positive psychotherapy. He lived with his wife Manizhe for about fifty years, they have two adult sons. Manizhe was his friend and manager and helped in everything. They were always together and were a very happy couple. Marriage is like a long voyage in which anything is possible. The main thing in marriage is the ability to negotiate. This ability will determine the strength of the family boat during a strong storm. Often people launch a boat, but are afraid to trust their partner and so they drift near the shore all their lives trying to insure themselves that they can go ashore at any time. Such relationships are not uncommon today; they are called “civil marriage.” Everything seems to be fine, but everyone knows that in case of any difficulty there is always a door where you can escape. By trusting, we allow the relationship to develop. The shore disappears in the distance and new horizons and other lands open up before us. Only by forgetting about the saving shore, where moms and dads, friends and girlfriends are waiting, do we completely trust our partner. Not long ago I was invited to speak on the topic “What you shouldn’t do in a marriage if you want to save it.” Here are a few points that I formulated for the audience: Talk about what doesn’t suit you. When one person is comfortable in a marriage, and the other suffers and remains silent, there is no trust in the relationship. Change. Nothing is permanent in the world; people change too. Learn to develop together with your partner. Don't make empty promises. Having promised to leave three times, you can expect that in the future your threats will no longer be believed. Don't look for someone to blame. Every problem is created by two people. Learn to negotiate, look for compromises. Use the motto: “Unity versus correctness.” The laws of your family should be invented by you, not by your parents or friends. Know how to distinguish discomfort from a problem: you may not share your partner’s musical tastes or his cinematic preferences, but this is not a reason for a noisy divorce. Don’t try to be perfect in everything: everyone has the right to make mistakes. Be wise, distinguish what you like from what you really need. A partygoer may never turn into a caring husband, and a social beauty will never learn to fry eggs. The meaning of marriage is to develop each other. If there is no development, something is clearly wrong with the marriage. In the family, strive for harmony of these four components.