Some of us happily accept them. Others fence themselves off from them in every possible way, coming up with any excuses and convincing themselves that they are not worthy of it. Rejecting opportunities, such people seem to say to the world: “I don’t need anything.” Not because they have everything, rather the opposite. And most often because there is a thought in my head: “How will I have to pay for this?” And then the work of internal attitudes and parental scripts from childhood begins: “You need to work hard to get this or that,” “Nothing just happens like that” ...As a result of such beliefs, people do not accept or refuse: opportunities, offers, relationships, money, achievements, friendship, love, recognition, success. Some believe that they are not worthy of any of this, relying on the principles voiced to them by their parents in childhood .Others feel guilty that they may have something that others do not have. “Share with others what you have,” the parents of such a child often forced him in childhood. They persistently put pressure on him with their authority, creating a feeling of shame in him. They did not give the child the opportunity to keep or appropriate for himself what already belongs to him. “Share a toy, candy with others, don’t be so greedy, be kind,” but in reality - “Don’t have anything of your own, and if you have, give it to others , so that:√not to feel lonely,√to show others that you are kind (to appear, not to be like that!)√we weren’t ashamed of you.” For young children, sharing your things is like tearing off part of your arm ( or another part of the body) - painful, traumatic and incomprehensible: “On what basis should I share something of mine, what belongs to me?” On what basis should I abandon what has already become part of the psyche? On the simple basis that the parents wanted it or thought it was right, and not the child himself. No one will ask him: “Do you want to share something?” Instead of addressing the child’s feelings and desires, the imposition of one’s own desires and attitudes results in misunderstanding by an already matured person. his true desires. And again - the inability to accept what rightfully belongs to him. This is also the fear that having something of your own means that in the near future you will lose part or all of it! Until about 3 years of age, the concept of friendship in children is abstract and practically impossible. By trying to teach such kids kindness, we cause children even more anger, aggression and irritation towards themselves and the world around them. This world seems dangerous, hostile for a child because having something of your own is equivalent to the fact that you need to give it away or part with it. It hurts, it adds to the suffering. So it’s better not to have it at all, so as not to experience these feelings, and immediately, somewhere inside the psyche, give up everything in advance? Still others want and at the same time are afraid of their desires and fantasies. Because desires and fantasies are associated with the possibility of loss and punishment. That same punishment when parents, for a reason understandable only to them - kindness abstract to the child - deprived him of his property, transferring it into the hands of other children. As if others are more worthy of this than their own child, as if others deserve it more than him. I don’t want you to think after reading this article that I am against the formation of kindness in children. I am categorically against the attitudes described above , against comparison by parents of children (conscious and unconscious), against inflicting narcissistic injuries on a child and laying the foundations of a narcissistic personality. I am for adults to become aware of those processes and scenarios that were laid down in the past and which prevent them from living a full life in the present. Master the profession of a family psychologist for 5800 rub. per month at a time convenient for you. Diploma of retraining (500 academic hours) https://www.b17.ru/trainings/semeynoe_konsultirovanie_2/