Parting with a loved one is a grief commensurate with death. It doesn't matter who initiated the departure. It could be you too. The pain of a breakup will not go away. Since this was a partner whom you yourself chose, loved, with whom you shared both sorrows and joys for some time. His loss will be the ruin of your love. It doesn't matter how long you dated or lived together. It all depends on the seriousness of the relationship, the strength of love and the sensitivity of the person himself. What happens after a breakup? Emotional adaptation to a new life. It has several stages. In this article, I consider the periodization developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. A “normal” experience can last from 6 months to 2 years (there are also anticipated and complicated grief). It is difficult to say how long it will take a person to get over this breakup. Every person is unique. The very acceptance of the existing situation takes place in 5 stages: 1. Denial, shock. A person still cannot fully believe that this is happening to him. He still hopes for a return to the relationship. Sometimes these stages are divided, since shock is the first thing a person feels, and then denial comes. It feels similar to when your ears are blocked. Nothing is heard, nothing is seen and there are no feelings. Shock is necessary to survive acute pain.2. Anger. During this period, a person becomes very angry. Angry either at himself, or at that “guy”, at anyone who happened to be nearby. This is a very important period - a period when relationships are devalued so that they can be forgotten more easily.3. This is the compromise stage. Trying to come to an agreement with your ex, with yourself. And all in order to drown out the pain, to return to the status quo.4. Depression. Time of absence of feelings. Pain and suffering are completely drowned out. But it is during this period that strength begins to accumulate for the next stage - adaptation.5. Adaptation. You probably don’t need to write about her. I will only say that this is a period when someone experiencing grief begins to live a full life again, calmly remembering past relationships. And past relationships become just a fact from the history of life. In addition to normal experiences, there is also a complicated experience of grief. This is when a person gets stuck at one of the stages and does not get out of this state for many years, and sometimes throughout his life. This condition prevents you from building new relationships with your partner. There are either none at all, or every new relationship follows the same scenario. That is, until a person completes those first ones, they will continue to be reproduced. There are many techniques for emotionally ending a relationship with a partner: The most famous technique is writing letters. During writing, all emotions are raised again, feelings are “ventilated”, which, as a rule, is necessary. The technique itself is very simple. Give yourself 30 minutes every day, at the same time. At this time, you put all your thoughts, feelings and sensations on paper, without filtering them at all. You need to write them until there are no more vivid emotions left. The letters are then not re-read, but destroyed. There is a similar technique where everything is done the same, but you don’t need to write. Time is allocated for memories of the companion(s) with whom you separated. Also, for half an hour a day you immerse yourself in your state and live it. The rest of the time you go about your business and do not return to memories of him. Another technique, observed by T. Zinkevich-Evstegneeva in “Patterns of Love”, consists of 7 steps.1. Checking your current perception. If the ex-partner is perceived as an enemy, then he needs to be transferred from enemies to dangerous people. Since in our biological perception of the other, the enemy is the one who needs to be destroyed. And the person with whom we were close is part of our experience, our memory. He is part of us. It turns out that by unknowingly destroying him, we are destroying ourselves. A “dangerous person” is one towards whom we must exercise extreme caution and keep our distance. Being alert to danger does not destroy us, butkeeps you in good shape. “Dangerous People” provides benefits and lessons. Yes, hard, cruel, - but LESSONS.2. Rethinking the value of a person.Answer the following questions:1. What is this person's value to me?2. Being around him, what did I learn about myself that I didn’t know before, and perhaps wouldn’t have learned if I were around others? The value of those people who bring us joy help us in difficult times, love us and show care - is obvious. It is much more difficult to establish the value of those who bring pain, ingratitude, parasitism, deception, jealousy and destruction. These people, although dangerous for us, are valuable because they are able to show us all our weak points. 3. Determining the purpose of a person in your life. Each person in our life has a certain role, function, or rather, a purpose in relation to us. Answer the following questions:1. What is the purpose of this person in my life?2. What did he come to teach me?3. What did you come to take from me?4. What did you come to give me? Here it is appropriate to recall the parable about the soul: This story began somewhere far, far from you and me, in a wonderful country where souls live. We have a very vague idea about them. It seems to us that souls are some kind of disembodied beings. However, this is not so important for our story. So, imagine, one soul wanted to incarnate on Earth, to become a human. The Lord God told her: “It is customary for us to become a person if you want to learn something important. What do you want to learn, kind soul?” The soul thought and thought and answered: “I would like to learn forgiveness.” God smiled and said: “Look around, you are surrounded only by good souls, we all live here in love and harmony. How can we learn forgiveness?!” The soul is puzzled, really, who should I forgive if everyone lives in love and harmony? She even became sad, as people would say. But then her friend flew up to the soul and said: “I will help you. I also want to become a human. I will become your husband, and I will do things that will help you urgently feel the need to learn forgiveness! My purpose in your life will be to teach you to forgive. To do this, I will have to take away from you, as a person, peace and all ideas about “how it should be”, in return I will give you the opportunity to learn patience and humility. Through this you will learn to forgive.” My soul was incredibly happy at this offer. They hugged, kissed (if this, of course, is possible in the country in question!) and agreed on everything. It must be said that the soul found many more helpers among other souls. They promised to become her loved ones on earth: some as a son, some as a mother, some as a sister, some as a mother-in-law, some as a boss, and to do everything in their power so that the soul learns forgiveness. How well everything worked out! But the trouble is, when the soul and its friends became people, they forgot about their agreement. And the events of life began to flow, each more difficult than the other. But all this was so that the soul, as it wanted, learned love and forgiveness...4. What would I like to say to my ex-partner. Here you need to find the answer to the question: In connection with what has been revealed to me, what words does my heart want to say to my former partner? Write down these words without thinking that another person will ever read them.5. What does my heart want to hear from the lips of another. What words does my heart want to hear from a companion? Maybe these are words of gratitude, or a request for forgiveness. Maybe it's a call for help, or a story about your strengths. Maybe this is a confession of repentance, or maybe a light humorous remark. Listen to yourself, and don’t think that in real life you will never hear such words from him.6. Confirming the value of another. To confirm the value of another, please continue the phrase: “In life there are different circumstances and lessons. No matter what, no matter what happens, my heart knows that this person is valuable to me because...”7. Adjusting and changing the scenario of behavior in relation to another. It is necessary to!