I see in practice many clients who talk about a constant feeling of internal tension, the desire to meet the expectations of their family members, often at the expense of their own well-being. Being true to yourself can be difficult, especially when it comes to family dynamics. However, it is important to be authentic in order to develop healthy and fulfilling relationships with loved ones. Gender and other stereotypes The ability to be alive and present is often limited by my ideas about how a man should behave and how a woman should behave. There are usually a huge number of gender stereotypes found here. Moreover, in a couple, one has some stereotypes in his head, and the other has completely different ones. And people, when entering into a couple, often forget to discuss this. A simple question: “How do you see the role of a wife or husband?” already helps to clarify. But often even this does not sound. If you’re too lazy to come up with lists of questions yourself, and don’t really want to go to a family psychologist, there is, for example, the Kozlov family questionnaire and other resources. The main thing is to pay attention, to bring awareness in this direction. It is better to ask important questions to each other before marriage, so as not to disentangle yourself later. Dynamics in families with “masks” There is a book “family and how to survive in it”, and there is a metaphor of “screens”. A typical example: a woman wants to please a man, and he wants to please her, and they both exist as if behind some kind of screen. Then, when they get married, they discover that it is impossible to wear a screen around the clock. Their screens fly off, and at this moment people meet for the second time. Then the first disappointment comes: “He’s not what I thought.” The value of disappointment in this case is that the masks have come off, and now you can be alive and real! And if the family can withstand this disappointment, then it can move on. And the fewer masks there were initially, the more likely a happy ending is. One of my clients lived with a partner whom she doted on. For months, she would get up earlier and do her makeup in the morning, then go back to bed. Everything so that he sees her beautiful even in the morning. She came to therapy in extreme tension and could barely contain her aggression. Simply because I couldn’t allow myself to feel natural. "Authenticity"Being yourself in the family means being true to your own values, needs and desires, as well as respecting the needs and feelings of others. This includes setting healthy boundaries, respectfully expressing your thoughts and feelings, and engaging in open and honest communication. It is important to recognize that being yourself does not mean being selfish or disrespectful. Rather, it is about finding a balance between meeting your own needs and respecting the needs of others. This, in turn, allows others to understand and respect your point of view, which leads to greater trust and intimacy in your relationships. Moreover, when you are authentic, you feel more confident and powerful, which can positively impact all areas of your life. Practice self-care: Self-care is essential to being yourself in your family. This means making time for the things you enjoy, taking care of your physical and emotional health, and setting healthy boundaries with your time and energy. By prioritizing self-care, you can ensure that you operate from a place of strength and resilience, which can positively impact all aspects of your life. Eventually, the masks will fall off. And often, as they say, “rose-colored glasses break inward.” Here, as elsewhere, it is important to find a balance, the desire to initially show yourself as real and discern a real partner. My telegram channel https://t.me/psyandrei