From the author: The topic was inspired by an article in the local regional newspaper “Civil News” - “Become a friend to your child”, author Nadezhda Nartikoeva. The article highlights the experience of conducting group classes for fathers at the “Dad-School” at the Center for Social Assistance to Families and Children of the Kalininsky District of St. Petersburg. Many years of practical experience in psychological counseling of adults with various personality disorders, family problems, difficulties of adaptation in society, addictive behavior , as well as studying the theory and experience of colleagues, gives me the right to assert that all paths of emotional, personal and interpersonal disorders lead straight to childhood, to child-parent relationships, trauma resulting from child-maternal, child-paternal and, naturally, triangular (Oedipal) mother-father-child relationship. It’s no secret that a cruel, openly negative, rejecting, humiliating attitude towards a child is reflected, at a minimum, on his behavior (often deviant and delinquent), relationships both with the parents themselves and with peers, teachers, and mental development the child as a whole, his personal characteristics and ways of interacting and building relationships with people in adulthood. You will probably say that this is self-explanatory and does not require unnecessary reminders. Then where do dad’s statements like this come from: “They beat me, and I grew up to be a good person, it’s okay that I punish my child like that sometimes!” or “I yell at my child and I can’t help myself,” but this statement from the mother of an 8-year-old girl with a phobic disorder is especially shocking: “When she doesn’t listen, I tell her that I’m going to live in America forever!” As Stephen M. Johnson notes in his book Character Psychotherapy: “...the future will always be a repetition of the past,” unresolved grievances from childhood conflicts between fathers and children will accompany the individual throughout his life, causing psychological suffering when faced with similar circumstances reminiscent of dramatic relationships in your own family. Johnson builds a close relationship between certain strategies of a parent’s relationship with his child (“family patterns”) and the subsequent formation of the corresponding character psychopathology, for example, a schizoid character is a child who was openly hated, an oral character is a child who was abandoned, rejected, narcissistic character - a used child, histrionic character - a seduced child, masochistic (self-destructive) character - a conquered (broken) child. The list of “toxic” parental influences on the formation of a child’s personality is wide enough and voluminous to list; within the framework of this article I would like to note only one important fact , we all have our own “skeletons in the closet” associated with childhood traumas, family grievances against mom and dad, but it is important to remember that unprocessed traumas have a huge impact on those ways of raising and building relationships with children that lay the foundation of personality our child. To my great regret, in consultations with children’s parents I often hear from mothers: “My husband will never go to a psychologist,” which means that another child’s soul will remain traumatized... And yet, not everything is so sad, the experience of colleagues is encouraging, working in the field of social services to the population, who create groups for support and psychological assistance to families in difficult circumstances, these are the so-called “Dad-schools”, in which parents are helped to rethink and reassess their parental experience, both their own relationships with parents and their family -parental experience, change destructive beliefs about your parenting style and attitude towards your child, develop more effective ways of interacting with your child. And finally, I would like to ask a couple of questions to the audience reading this note. How much healthier do you think our society would be if we.