What opportunities does childhood have. We all want happiness for our children. We want to see them smart, kind, healthy and free in their choice. But more often we hear about dependent, that is, not free, relationships. Addiction (loss of a person’s freedom of choice) includes: - chemical dependence - from alcohol, drugs, tobacco; - from gambling and computer games; - from food, coffee, etc.; - from relationships; And the root cause of all dependencies, without exception, is identical and begins in early childhood. Dependency is defined as a psychological disorder, the cause of which is the incompleteness of one of the most important stages of development in early childhood - the stage of establishing psychological autonomy. According to the research of psychologist M. Maller, a child goes through several stages in his development from 0 to 12 years: The first stage is from 0 to 6-9 months. The child depends on close adults (mother, father, etc.). The task of adults during this period is to lay the foundation of trust in the world around them. The second stage is from 9 months to 3 years. The child has a clear incentive to explore the world. The role of the father in raising a child is becoming increasingly significant. At this stage, it is important to establish trust in the world based on an emotional base, i.e. upon successful completion of the previous stage. The third stage lasts up to approximately 6 years. Independence stage. The child begins to act autonomously, but with constant support and an eye on his parents. An important stage in the formation of a child’s personality. A free and independent personality will be developed, again, with successful completion of the previous stages. The fourth stage is from 6 to 12 years. Interdependence stage. The goals of this stage are to acquire the ability to move back and forth between connection and separation without experiencing any discomfort. All stages are interconnected. A violation in one of them entails a violation in the other and is the root cause of the development of any addiction. Three of the four stages occur during the child’s stay in a preschool institution. This age period also includes a period that is important for the development of a child’s personality—the period of three years of crisis. Developmental crises are relatively short (from several months to a year or two) periods in life, during which a person changes noticeably and rises to a new stage in life. Crises happen not only in childhood. A person's personality develops continuously. In this case, there is always a change of periods: relatively long and calm - stable and shorter, stormy - critical, that is, crises are transitions between stable periods. Adults are able to understand what is happening to children, knowing the patterns of personal development of their children. Parents should not be afraid of the severity of crises; this is not a negative indicator at all. On the contrary, the child’s vivid manifestation of self-affirmation in a new age-related quality indicates that all age-related new formations have developed in his psyche for the further development of his personality and adaptive abilities. And, conversely, external “crisis-free” behavior that creates the illusion of well-being can be deceptive and indicate that no corresponding changes have occurred in the child’s development. There is no need to be afraid of crisis manifestations; problems of misunderstanding that arise at this moment among parents and teachers are dangerous. Is it possible to mitigate the crisis by acting intelligently? How to help a child get out of it without introducing negative qualities into the soul? It is important to know that stubbornness is an extreme degree of manifestation of will, a quality necessary for a child. Capriciousness is a demonstration of one’s own importance to others, a sense of one’s “I.” Selfishness is in a healthy form a sense of “independence”, self-esteem. Aggression is an extreme form of self-defense. Closedness is an inadequate form of healthy caution. These are qualities necessary for survival in society. The child must emerge from the crisis with a set of personal qualities; the main task of parents and teachers is to prevent the consolidationtheir extreme manifestations. Adults have the right to help a child accommodate different feelings in the life of themselves and their loved ones. And also, by your own example, teach how to show emotions in an environmentally friendly way. What parents need to know about children’s stubbornness and capriciousness: The period of stubbornness and capriciousness begins at about 18 months; As a rule, this phase ends by 3.5 - 4 years (occasional attacks of stubbornness at an older age - also a completely normal thing); The peak of stubbornness occurs at 2.5 - 3 years of life; Boys are more stubborn than girls. Girls are capricious more often than boys. During a crisis period, attacks of stubbornness and capriciousness occur in children 5 times a day (for some - up to 19 times); If children, upon reaching 4 years of age, still often continue to be stubborn and capricious, then most likely we are talking about “fixed” stubbornness, hysteria, as convenient ways for a child to manipulate his parents. Most often, this is the result of the conciliatory behavior of parents who succumbed to pressure from the child, often for the sake of their peace of mind. What parents can do: Do ​​not attach much importance to stubbornness and capriciousness. Accept this as a necessity. During an attack of stubbornness, stay close, let the child feel that you understand him. Do not try to instill something in the child during an attack. It's useless. Swearing makes no sense, spanking excites even more. Hysteria and capriciousness require spectators, do not resort to the help of strangers: “Look, what a bad girl, ah-ya-ay!” This is all the child needs. Don’t give up even when your child has an attack in a public place. Most often, only one thing helps - take him by the hand and lead him away. Try to cheat: “Oh, what an interesting toy, book, little thing I have!”, “What is that crow doing outside the window?” - such maneuvers will interest and distract. Be persistent in your behavior with your child. If you said no, continue with that opinion. An important moment that many children go through between two and four years is the period when hitting and biting are the only form of communication in order to show this state, for example: “I’m angry, but you don’t understand,” or “I want this.” but you don’t give!” Not being able to express their desires in words, children sometimes tend to resort to using their fists or sharp children's teeth. This completely normal stage of development can turn into a bad habit if, as the child grows up, he does not learn to suppress his aggression. It is possible to cope with a child’s aggressive behavior at this stage of development if adults adhere to certain rules in their behavior, because research shows that aggressiveness is also transmitted through imitation. Some children become aggressive by imitating their peers, others because they are constantly exposed to violence in the family or observe abusive relationships, where scandals and fights are the only way to solve all problems. In such families, the entire environment contributes to the child’s assimilation of norms of aggressive behavior, because he can achieve his goal only through rudeness, insolence and violence. Scientists have also discovered in children a connection between watching TV shows with scenes of violence and the emergence of a tendency towards aggression. There are suggestions that such aggression is temporary, and what if a child watches scenes of violence every day for three to four hours? Then the child experiences reinforcement of aggressive behavior. Parents are very often concerned and worried about the child’s aggressiveness; even the most patient ones quite rightly begin to be indignant if the child hits them, wanting to vent their anger. Until the age of three, normal manifestations of temperament with short outbursts of anger are possible, but real aggressiveness is still not typical for children of this age. If your three or four year old child endlessly fights with his friends on the playground, bites, attacks small children, takes away their toys, so that no one wants to play with him, take a closer look and ask yourself).